"Why bash the GRAMMYS?" We've been asked this of late. The GRAMMYS have never done anything to us. At a young age it was clear that the GRAMMYS would play little to no role in our rock snob lives. It was a For The Industry, By The Industry affair. Rarely did a happening band win anything. Rarely did a legendary artists win at the height of his or her powers. The Beatles and Stevie Wonder have done all right by the GRAMMYS, but Dylan had to get off his high horse and serve somebody before he would earn his first GRAMMY.

The Rolling Stones, as Townsman KingEd will examine, have won a mere 2 shameful GRAMMYS. U2 tops all bands in GRAMMY wins, with 22 and counting. Must be the appeal of Bono's acceptance speeches, a topic that will be covered by Townswoman Crystal. Need I say more than A Taste of Honey to help you understand why we bash the GRAMMYS?

Follow up:

Maybe it's just rock 'n roll that doesn't have a place in the GRAMMYS. It wouldn't surprise me if at least 25 of conductor Georg Solti's record 31 GRAMMY Awards were well deserved. Any fool can tell a great cover band from a mediocre one. But how does one determine the worth of one U2 song recycling its standard I-IV chord structure and galloping eighth-note rhythmic bed against other at least vaguely rock songs that share little with the Bono/Edge aesthetic? I'm all for competition of any sort, but by what criteria do musicians compete?

Trying to imagine the unfulfilled wishes that flow through that auditorium is unsettling. Middle-aged, tuxedo-clad industry suck-ups hooping to high five with Kanye West or slipping into Elton John's after-party. Hell, a run-in with former GRAMMY winner Darius Rucker wouldn't be a bad story at the office the next day. I hope none of us ever aspires to running into Darius Rucker.

This self-congratulatory, inherently irrelevant collection of Wannabes, Here Todays, Old Boys, and the increasingly rare Living Legends serves as a yearly reminder that rock 'n roll is a loser's game. I can't speak for fans of jazz, hip-hop, 17th century cover bands, and the like, but nothing measures a rock 'n roll fan's misguided passion like a night watching the GRAMMYS. Go ahead, make some popcorn, fire up your laptop, and join us this Sunday, February 11, for the 49th Annual GRAMMY Awards!