Great Rock One-Liners
By Mr. Moderator on Nov 11, 2009
Now you funny too!
From the fertile desk of Townsman chuckflack comes the following thread.
Supposedly Peter Grant introduces himself as the manager of Led Zeppelin to Bob Dylan at a party. Dylan responds: “Look man, I don't come to you with my problems, do I?”
Fresh off the stage, Neil Diamond goes up to Bob backstage at The Last Waltz concert and says, “You'll have to be pretty good to follow me.” Bob replies, “"What do I have to do, go on stage and fall asleep?"
John McEnroe tells the story of going backstage at a Dylan concert in London in 1994. There are five people in the room: Dylan, Chrissie Hynde, George Harrison, Harrison's son Dhani, and somebody McEnroe doesn't recognize. McEnroe introduces himself to the unknown individual and asks who he is. Van Morrison responds: “I'm Bozo the Fucking Clown.”
After a show in Cleveland in the early 1990s, Grant Hart is talking to a few fans outside at his van. Someone asks him what he thinks of the Rock Hall being built in Cleveland. Hart says, “The only Hall of Fame rock needs is everybody's individual record collection.”
Lester Bangs on Elvis Presley: “He was the only male performer I have ever seen to whom I responded sexually; it wasn't real arousal, rather an erection of the heart, when I looked at him I went mad with desire and envy and worship and self-projection.”
What are the other great rock one-liners?
27 comments
Apparently, there's lots of GREAT Dylan zongers. I wonder how many are actually true. That Peter Grant story is classic.
The one I heard was during the Wibury sessions. Dylans shows up, doesn't say a word to anybody the entire time. There's a guy outside washing windows or something. Dylan leaves the session and says, "Nice job..."
TB
The one I heard was during the Wibury sessions. Dylans shows up, doesn't say a word to anybody the entire time. There's a guy outside washing windows or something. Dylan leaves the session and says, "Nice job..."
TB
11/10/09 @ 16:25
Comment from: mickavory [Member] 
Not really a one-liner but..
my dad always told me this story about Zappa.. I don't know if he witnessed it or what but..
some woman goes up to Zappa and says "You're that big rock guy.. Fred something.. what's your name?? Fred.. Fred.. Fred Zeppelin"
To which Zappa responds, "Yes, ma'am I am."
my dad always told me this story about Zappa.. I don't know if he witnessed it or what but..
some woman goes up to Zappa and says "You're that big rock guy.. Fred something.. what's your name?? Fred.. Fred.. Fred Zeppelin"
To which Zappa responds, "Yes, ma'am I am."
11/10/09 @ 16:26
Comment from: Sonny [Member]
"When I was in the Beatles I believed we were the best fucking band in the world, and believing that is what made us what we were."
- John Lennon
- John Lennon
11/10/09 @ 20:59
Comment from: hissing fauna [Member]
at an early Swans concert opening for the Sonic Youth, the lead singer lept of stage and beat up someone in the audiance who was dancing. when he returned to stage he said "i'm sorry, but you were having too much fun."
its not a one liner, but i read an anecdote where charles manson tried to kill dennis wilson because he changed the lyrics to his song, and dennis apperently beat him up and threw him out the window.
its not a one liner, but i read an anecdote where charles manson tried to kill dennis wilson because he changed the lyrics to his song, and dennis apperently beat him up and threw him out the window.
11/10/09 @ 21:36
Comment from: cherguevarra [Member]
There was an interview with Robert Plant several years ago where he told a story about Led Zep being backstage at a Jethro Tull concert. When Ian Anderson mentioned that they were considering putting out a live album, John Bonham suggested the title, "Bore 'em at the Forum."
11/10/09 @ 21:54
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
McCartney issued a statement on the 'Paul is dead' rumour:
"I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know."
"I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know."
11/10/09 @ 22:09
Comment from: Mr. Moderator [Member]
Off topic, but the McCartney statement reminds me of an ad I saw tonight by a personal injury legal firm. It centered around adverse effects from a birth control pill called Yaz. The voiceover said that if you've suffered from any of the following AEs you might be eligible for a settlement. A list of AEs was read off, ending with "death." Then the voice says, "If you've suffered any of these effects, call the following number..."
I guess they're not getting many calls from those who died on Yaz.
I guess they're not getting many calls from those who died on Yaz.
11/10/09 @ 22:13
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
In Gimme Shelter there's a press conference where Mick Jagger is asked whether he had attained Satisfaction, to which he responds: "Financially dissatisfied, sexually satisfied, philosophically trying."
11/10/09 @ 22:14
Comment from: subbob [Member]
My favorite... supposedly uttered by Ray Davies when asked to describe his relationship with Chrissie Hynde said something to the effect that it "was like a fairy tale directed by Alfred Hitchcock."
11/11/09 @ 00:36
Comment from: cdm [Member]
My favorite:
Back stage at the No Nukes benefit concert (Springsteen, Jackson Brown, Tom Petty, Bonnie Raitt) in the late 70’s, Jackson Brown said to Tom Petty, “When you get out on stage, don’t worry. It sounds like they’re booing but they’re just yelling “Bruuuce!” Tom Petty said, “Well, what’s the difference?”
Back stage at the No Nukes benefit concert (Springsteen, Jackson Brown, Tom Petty, Bonnie Raitt) in the late 70’s, Jackson Brown said to Tom Petty, “When you get out on stage, don’t worry. It sounds like they’re booing but they’re just yelling “Bruuuce!” Tom Petty said, “Well, what’s the difference?”
11/11/09 @ 07:52
Comment from: 2000 Man [Member]
I always liked Keith's quote about what it takes for him to make music, "Five strings, three chords, two fingers and one asshole."
11/11/09 @ 09:57
Comment from: Mr. Moderator [Member]
Nice one, subbob, and welcome aboard. There's no reason you should feel subordinate to any other Bob in the Halls of Rock.
Lots of great quotes I'd never heard before. I hope this thread's author, chuckflack, is discovering some new ones as well. Keep 'em coming.
Lots of great quotes I'd never heard before. I hope this thread's author, chuckflack, is discovering some new ones as well. Keep 'em coming.
11/11/09 @ 10:37
Comment from: Oats [Member]
I like this gem from Alex Chilton's tenure as producer for The Cramps.
Lux Interior is getting ready to do a lead vocal overdub. Alex walks into the vocal booth, presses a gun against Lux's temple and says, "Sing it right."
Lux Interior is getting ready to do a lead vocal overdub. Alex walks into the vocal booth, presses a gun against Lux's temple and says, "Sing it right."
11/11/09 @ 11:01
Now, that's a producer!
Speaking of ol' Fred Zeppelin:
"The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse."
TB
Speaking of ol' Fred Zeppelin:
"The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse."
TB
11/11/09 @ 11:09
Comment from: the matching mole [Member]
At a Severed Heads show in New Orleans, 1992 or so, someone yelled a request between songs. Singer Tom Ellard says, "Sorry, we don't have that song with us. We left the floppy in the moving van."
11/11/09 @ 12:39
Comment from: Sonny [Member]
Bon Scott was being interviewed about an AOR radio station and gave us this gem:
"Their tag line was 'rock without the noise.' What is that? You can't have rock without noise!"
"Their tag line was 'rock without the noise.' What is that? You can't have rock without noise!"
11/11/09 @ 12:54
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
There's this from one on Lou Reed's rants on Take No Prisoners:
"Can you imagine working for a fucking year on your album, and you get a B-plus from some asshole in The Village Voice?"
"Can you imagine working for a fucking year on your album, and you get a B-plus from some asshole in The Village Voice?"
11/11/09 @ 13:00
Comment from: diskojoe [Member]
How about Cher's review of the Velvet Underground: "The only thing that it will replace is suicide."
11/12/09 @ 08:23
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
Nice one, the matching mole!
Which reminds me of another great rock one-liner:
That's right, The Mascara Snake, fast 'n' bulbous!
11/12/09 @ 10:28
Comment from: chuckflack [Member]
Great stuff, folks. I saw Sonic Youth years ago here in Cleveland. During one song Thurston's mic wobbled and hit him in the mouth. He left the stage for a minute and came back, announcing he had lost a tooth, so for the night he was calling the band Sonic Tooth.
11/12/09 @ 19:22
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
I found one tonight while reading John Cale's autobiography, What's Welsh for Zen? Here's the set-up:
Lou's affair with Nico lasted through January and halfway through February. By then she was finished with him. Nico just swatted him like a fly. When it fell apart, we really learned how Nico could be the mistress of the destructive one-liner. One morning we had gathered at the Factory for a rehearsal. Nico came late, as usual. Lou said 'Hello' to her in a rather cold way, but just 'Hello.' She simply stood there. You could see she was waiting to reply in her own time. Ages later, out of the blue, came her first words:
'I cannot make love to Jews anymore.'
Lou's affair with Nico lasted through January and halfway through February. By then she was finished with him. Nico just swatted him like a fly. When it fell apart, we really learned how Nico could be the mistress of the destructive one-liner. One morning we had gathered at the Factory for a rehearsal. Nico came late, as usual. Lou said 'Hello' to her in a rather cold way, but just 'Hello.' She simply stood there. You could see she was waiting to reply in her own time. Ages later, out of the blue, came her first words:
'I cannot make love to Jews anymore.'
11/12/09 @ 21:07
Comment from: mockcarr [Member]
Zappa had something like, which he probably stole - "rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read"
11/13/09 @ 16:09
Comment from: jeangray [Member]
An old room-mate told me the follwing tale. I'm not sure if it's an urban myth or what. He went to see Jeff Beck in some stadium show in the Mid-west in the late 70's. The crowd was especially boistrous & pumped up. A curtain raised, and on stage was only a microphone and a wall of amps. Mr. Beck stepped up to the mic, and asked "Is everbody having a good time?" The crowd roared back, and Beck replied "Well, too fucking bad!" and launched into a 20 minute feedback solo, and then promptly walked off stage.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I've always loved that story.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I've always loved that story.
11/15/09 @ 02:50
Comment from: bobbybittman [Member]
I always liked the one about a cantankerous journalist interviewing The Young brothers of AC/DC. At one point he starts to deride them for releasing "7 albums that all sound the same". Hearing this, Angus quickly interjects, "No mate, you've got it all wrong. We've released 8 albums that all sound the same."
11/15/09 @ 07:38
Comment from: linusrox [Member]
Ah, this so makes me wish that Dorothy Parker, Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde had been rock musicians. *sigh*
12/22/09 @ 17:58
Comment from: BigSteve [Member]
Linus, your sigh dredged up another one-liner that I'm surprised none of us posted the first time around.
“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.” -~ Hunter S. Thompson
“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.” -~ Hunter S. Thompson
12/22/09 @ 21:44
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