Jason Falkner's album I'm OK, You're OK, which came out in Japan in 2007, is getting released in the U.S. this week! It's streaming here for now. It'll probably be up there only for a few days, so get at it while you can, Mr. Mod... I dare you!

Of course, those of us who actually, like me, enjoy some Jason Falkner music -- Hrrundi, Alexmagic, etc. -- are also welcome to give a listen. So far, it's okay. Not mindblowing, though the song "Stephanie Tells Me" is pretty nifty.

In a press release issued today, Billy "Reverend Willy G" Gibbons, Dusty "the Pleaser" Hill, and Frank Beard countered assertions published on popular rock and roll blog "Rock Town Hall" that the band had never actually toured with live animals during their celebrated "World Wide Texas Tour" in 1976.

"As far as I'm concerned, this 'Moderator' character needs to step out from behind his momma's skirt and present himself for a good old-fashioned truth-whuppin'," said ZZ Top's long-time lead guitarist Billy Gibbons. "Not only did we tour with bison, buzzards, rattlesnakes, and long-horned cattle way back in '76, we recently secured a full menagerie of African wildlife for our upcoming 'BBQ Safari' World Tour -- and we've got the pictures to prove it. Until and unless Mr. Moderator delivers photographic proof that he in fact exists, we're issuing a cease-and-desist notice on all this tomfoolery. In conclusion, let me just say to Mr. Moderator and those who care about his half-baked conspiracy theories: do yourself a favor, son: bear down on the meat, and ease up on the potato salad."

Here's an excerpt from ZZ Top's Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame page that repeats the claim I've heard for as long as I can remember that ZZ Top did a Texas cattle ranch-themed tour that included real livestock on stage with them:

ZZ Top carried stagecraft to elaborate heights with its Worldwide Texas Tour: Taking Texas to the People. For this mid-Seventies extravaganza, which came between Fandango! and Tejas, ZZ Top lugged 75 tons of equipment and animals native to Texas, including a buffalo, a longhorn steer, buzzards and rattlesnakes. They also performed on a Texas-shaped stage.

That's from the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, remember, an actual, industry-approved museum with dedicated curators! I've never been there, but if a fruitless community-wide, 3-day search of the Internet indicates anything I bet the Hall of Fame doesn't even possess photographic evidence of this rock myth!

Following is the photographic result of our search of ZZ Top pictured on stage with even a single, living buffalo, longhorn steer, buzzard, or rattlesnake.

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As many of you know, I'm a big fan of Roy Wood, in particular his work with The Move and his solo album Boulders. However, once he crossed the line into ridiculous, futuristic-retro glam with Wizzard, I have trouble keeping up with the guy. First of all, his recordings sound worse than ever. I'm no audiophile, and I've always found something charming about the overloaded sound of The Move records and the claustrophobic Boulders, but Wizzard simply sounds terrible - and not in a good way.

More troubling is the progression of Wood's Look and what it says about his interest in communicating with humans on any level. As seen in this 1972 ELO video, the guy was pushing it a few years before Wizzard and his Mustard solo album. It's one thing to be "eccentric," quite another to announce to the world that you do not intend to ever be taken seriously, not even in a joking way.

Anyhow, I've rarely found interviews with Wood, and my attempts at reaching him myself have not been fruitful. I'm all for rock's outsiders, wildmen, and such, but someone needs to put a little scrutiny on Roy Wood, someone needs to ask him one question:

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Here's your chance, Rock Town Hall, to champion a totally obscure artist with a degree of hipster pedigree: Cruella De Ville and their Roy Wood-produced single "I'll Do the Talking."

No one's asking you to really have to like this song, but like a true barrel-scraping hipster, you need to make a case for why its an overlooked gem of epic proportions. What modern-day bands have been heavily influenced by this band - or will say they have been after reading your testimony? I mean, see if you can spin this as the greatest obscuro find, like, EVER, or at least until next Tuesday, whichever comes first.

In case you need a little more evidence of the band's genius, check out this next clip:

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Hrrundi V. Bakshi was here.

Last night, I drove the 100 or so miles from DeeCee to Richmond, VA to see a band I get kidded around a lot for 'round these parts: ZZ Top.

Some of you might be surprised to learn that this was the first time I'd ever seen the band, given my fan-boy love for almost all things Zeezy, and particularly Gibbonsian. Nevertheless, there I was, at a peculiar, very small outdoor venue (seemed more like a neighborhood park, and there couldn't have been more than 1500 people there) -- and I was frankly surprised how much the band rocked -- with a weird, loping groove they seem to have developed in their dotage. I've never heard anything like it. If it weren't mathematically impossible, I'd say that the whole band was playing behind the beat. Billy's playing was especially stellar -- I was worried what I might see, after witnessing some pretty shambolic TV appearances in recent years. No worries there; the Rev was ON.

Anyhow, the show was definitely worth the $20 I paid to see it, and might have even been worth the five-hour round-trip drive. But that's not why I write!

I'm writing because ZZ Top was on my increasingly short list of "bands I really need to see while I still can/really should have seen while I had the chance." I'm here to share my list, indicating whether or not I got to see the artists on it -- and I hope you'll share yours. Please note that historical impossibilities are not allowed -- but missed opportunities are. Here, then, is my list, in no particular order, to serve as example:

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In response to my speculation that The White Stripes will be remembered along critical and popular lines similar to the ways in which T.Rex* is remembered today, Townsman dbuskirk wrote:

Remind me again how being remembered as well as T.Rex is a bad thing? I can't recall meeting too many rock fans who didn't have a special place in their heart for them. Devendra Banhart stole half of his act from the acoustic Tyrannosaurus Rex LPs and coincidentally just recently I met a very smart and hip twenty-year old who was all about her T.Rex t-shirt. From DJing weddings, I know that "Bang A Gong" is pretty much a guaranteed cross-generational dance floor filler.

To clarify, I didn't say it was a "bad" thing, but it's not uncommon for Townspeople to interpret any insightful, piercing analysis on a favorite artist's legacy that is anything less than unconditionally loving as somehow negative and insulting. Let's work through this misunderstanding and reserve compliments for my off-the-cuff analysis from earlier this morning for possibly another thread. Here goes...

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In recognition of the opening of the major motion picture The Day the Earth Stood Still, a special guest, Klaatu, has entered the Halls of Rock to pose 5 questions for earthlings. These questions can only be answered after listening to the following songs.

Klaatu, "Calling Occupants (of Interplanetary Life)"

Question 1: If this was supposed to be The Beatles, who was supposed to have been singing lead, an infant Carl Newman?

Klaatu, "California Jam"

Question 2: If "California Jam" had appeared on any of those post-Brian Wilson breakdown albums that the brave pop fans among you can stomach, would it have been considered a "triumph of the post-Pet Sounds era?"

Klaatu, "Anus of Uranus"

Question 3: Is the above song's title worthy of the world-renowned standards of "Canadian humor?"

Klaatu, "Sub-Rosa Subway"

Question 4: For you, does the sound of the bass at the beginning of "Sub-Rosa Subway" nearly single-handedly justify the entire song's existence?

Klaatu, "Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III">

Question 5: If you were casting the major motion picture version of Klaatu's 3:47 EST album on behalf of Robert Stigwood - and death was not a factor - who would you cast in the role of Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III (remember, appropriate singing ability should be considered)?

On behalf of Klaatu, thank you, earthlings.

Webern: The Godfather of Prock?

After a year and a half of research, analysis, and discussion, Rock Town Hall has arrived at what might be its most important Glossary entry to date, Proctomusicology and its related terms, Proctomusicologist and Prock. We have identified a unifying principle in modern music that cuts across genres. A simple, concise definition follows:

Proctomusicology: Music up its own ass about its musicological means of creating music, inching forward the aesthetic principles of whatever style/s is/are being mined.

See also: Proctomusicologist, Prock

The research and development that went into the validation of this term is detailed in the links below. It was a true team effort, with Townsman Saturnismine responsible for the exact phrasing of our definition. Meanwhile, the author of our Glossary entry Kentonite, Townsman Hrrundivbakshi, noted the difference between a Kentonite and a Proctomusicologist:

A Kentonite is obssessed with the technical componentry of music, and cares not whether the music is looking forward or backward; the Prock-ist is obsessed with the subject matter's musicological componentry, and always defines it in terms of its antecedents.

Of course, there's a Rock Venn Diagram thing going on here, as well. Some artists are both Prockists and Kentonites. Donald Fagen springs to mind. I'd add that -- slicing even more finely -- there are Prock bands (eg, XTC) that contain Kentonite members (eg, Dave Gregory), and so forth.

Read back through the term's Working Definition period of development, in the following links, and I think you'll agree that no group of music lovers was better equipped to define this term. For more reading on this subject see here, here, and where it all began, here.

Mr. Mod, if memory serves, you're one of those guys who has a really hard time saying anything nice about Jellyfish. I'm betting that your reasons for being disdainful about this band are minor, largely Look- and style-obsessed -- and may even be tinged with a hint of career envy. If that's not so, then please explain: why do you hate these guys so much?

Eagerly looking forward to your response,

HVB

p.s.: just to show I've got my cards on the table -- I think "Spilt Milk" is one of the most wonderful American pop/rock records ever made. And I use that term "wonderful" for a reason; it's dizzyingly rich, crazily ambitious, hyper-Kentonite -- yet it's still ultimately a tuneful, finger-snapping, timeless celebration of *song*. I love it, and you should, too! Why on Earth don't you?!