Greetings, seekers of the bizarre, the unusual, the extraordinary, and the incredibly cheap! I come to you after a long hiatus to share the results of a particularly fruitful scavenge undertaken this past weekend at the thrift stores around the nation's grand capitol.

During this excursion, I was lucky to find a small stack of vinyl 45s from Jamaica, obviously from a fan of the early- to mid-period "deejay" era in the development of popular Jamaican music. They're on extremely weird, poorly printed labels -- and a few have no labels at all, substituting instead a hasty crayon scrawl simply saying "DJ," or (in the case of the most entertaining of the singles I've ripped for you tonight) the word "PUSSY."

Anyhow, the point is, these are some fairly ribald tunes. The density of the Jamaican (in one case, Trinidadian) patois is such that I feel you could safely play any of these at work without fear of prosecution -- but they are spicy. So, as part of my ongoing effort to goose traffic statistics for my beloved Rock Town Hall (see easily porn-searchable headline above), I'm attaching them here for all to enjoy.

The first tune is, in my estimation, the best of the lot: a 1974 number by a young Max Romeo, entitled Pussy Watchman. 2000Man may get a particular kompletist kick out of this, as the InterWeb tells me that Romeo sang backup on some tune off of "It's Only Rock and Roll." But this is from very early in Romeo's career, and it's a good one. Check it out!

Next up, another ribald selection, this time from the extremely obscure 1970s DJ "Charley Ace." There's not even a track name listing on the label for this single (though it does sport a monochromatic label saying "SCORPION!") -- but I choose to believe the song is called Do It Same Way, based on the moans and groans of the female lead in the piece. The InterWeb tells me, by the way, that Ace was gunned down on the rough streets of Kingston some time in the 1980s. RIP, Charley.

Last but not least, Trinidadian godfather of "soca" music, Lord Shorty, gives us all explicit direction in The Art Of Making Love. Again, I call 2000Man's attention to this tune, in which -- towards the end there -- Lord Shorty gives us some guidelines as to what we might expect from various races as far as their boudoir behaviors are concerned. I immediately smelled a "Some Girls" rat in the mix. But, whether or not Lord Shorty was ripped off by Jagger and company, I strongly urge all basement-dwelling, pasty-faced members of the Hall to heed Lord Shorty's advice. Dude obviously knows what he's talking about.

Anyhow, that's what I got for you this time around. Mod, Backoffice: if nothing else, please let me know how much traffic this effort generates!

Yours sexily,

HVB

Every picture tells a story, don't it?

In publishing terms, this is what they call the cuffs matching the collar.

The excitement of yesterday's move into Rock Town Hall's "Hot Rocks" era was followed this morning by this thoughtful-yet-disappointing "Dear John" e-mail that we received from the investment group that had been interested in helping us take Rock Town Hall to a broader, younger audience.

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This kind of wanton, animalistic, perverted physical contact will no longer be tolerated in the Hall!

I thank God -- and Townsman Dr. John -- that our spirit-numbing, seamy journey through the filthy underbelly of rock and roll has mercifully come to an end. Now, as we COCK our ears to new music, let's REACH AROUND and shake one another's hand in a gesture of good, honest friendship. Let's not reward any JERK OFFering to take this fine blog back DOWN THE DIRTy ROAD from whence we've just COME. Yesterday's posts point down the road to perdition. BUT PLUGGING ourselves into a higher, purer source of content will be our surest bet to stop this site from SUCKING. DICK Vitale, sportscaster-CUM-visionary, once said, "That's what it takes to win, baby!" He might have been talking about accurately SHOOTING basketBALLS, but he could just as well have been talking about COUNTry, Rock, or any other kind of popular music.

Forget T-shirts -- *this* is what this year's fashionable RTH Townsman and Townswoman will be wearing

Oh, sure, I hear a TITter COMING up from the cynical nay-sayers among you; but I believe a DEEP PENETRATION of this kind of positive attitude at RTH will result in a GOLDEN SHOWER of blogging riches. And just because S-E-X is off limits shouldn't throw a WET blanket on things around here. There's LOADS to talk about! You can talk about which washed-up artists have SHOT THEIR WAD, tease Townsman G48 until he's forced to UP THE ASSpirin quotient in his daily meds -- almost anything goes! And remember, with the Internet at your command, you can SHOOT YOUR quick upLOAD of video and music to RTH any time you like. So get crazy -- use your imagination! Argue the merits of a clumsy Ska solo played on a RUSTY TROMBONE; discuss the merits of Katrina & The Waves' "GOING DOWN to Liverpool"; come down HARD ON the Ron Wood-era Stones album of your choice. Just don't make the mistake of, you know, talking about fucking or anything.

I look forward to your comments, as long as they're clean,

HVB

It has been called to our attention that the Gwen Stefani sex tape posted earlier is, in fact, a fake. Our sincere apologies are extended to Ms. Stefani, her family, friends, and the entire No Doubt community.

Apparently in this day and age it is very easy for anyone with a secondhand Mac and a SICK sense of humor to put something like this together. To set the record straight, we have acquired the actual, undoctored video, prior to its digital manipulation. It is posted below the fold.

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As we approach the 1-year anniversary of the Rock Town Hall blog - an impressive and fun year of growth and outreach, I might add - we feel it's time to reach out to a broader, less-inhibited audience. We'd all like an influx of some fresh meat, wouldn't we?

For the last year we've kept true to our mission statement, keeping the focus on spirited music discussion. We're doing what perhaps no other blog is doing, and we think we can do it even better. In the coming year we will stick to our mission, but expect some changes. Our numbers have gotten so large that we’ve been approached by more than one potential partner to help take us into the big money circle. We’re told that we just need to inch those hits up a tad more and “be willing to make a few compromises” to the format, which frankly, you probably won’t even notice. To reinvigorate passionate discussion and attract new revenue opportunities, we're going to spice up the Halls of Rock.

You may notice slight changes in the tone of our Main Stage threads, but don't ever think we're about anything but the rock. Without further ado, let's roll away the stone and let loose with some hot rocks!

Not a porno album title per se, but the goddamn sexiest album cover in the history of rock and roll music!

Are you ready to get into the swing of things?

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Rock 'n roll photography is rife with provocative images, but perhaps none is as provocative as the following Money Shot. Although this is an image the Web Sheriff would prefer to maintain on his client's behalf, we feel posting it on Rock Town Hall is worth the risk of a Purple Arraignment...after the jump!

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Manson shows her stripes

The focal point of the underrated Garbage has been fiery Scottish singer Shirley Manson. Although the music has always been the band's undeniable master, Manson is quite comfortable with providing fans with a visual show that matches her vocal prowess. Because the examples of how she's made the most of her petite frame are not fit for the workplace, you'll have to check them out in the privacy of your home, after the jump...

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Hardcore action below the fold!

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