The first thing that strikes me about the Classic Albums series' making-of documentary of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers' Damn the Torpedoes is the British Invasion-era guitar porn that was on display in the early days of the band. There are all varieties of Rickenbackers, including the relatively cheapo one that Tom holds on the album cover and that John Lennon played in early Beatles' shots. I came real close to buying one of those in high school, but I didn't like the way it played. There are the classic Ricks, both 6- and 12-string variety. There's Tom playing a Flying V and a Firebird. Mike Campbell plays some cool guitars, too, mostly along the classic Fender and Gibson lines, but nothing beats a shot of Tom playing a 12-string Vox! Now, that's cool!

Early on Petty and his mates speak of the band's mix of British Invasion and southern rock and soul. As Petty, Campbell, and producer Jimmy Iovine, the latter looking like a modern-day James Caan character in the best-preserved Members' Only jacket on the planet, sit at the mixing board and breakdown the smash hits from this album it all seems so simple - too simple. You might find yourself thinking, "Gee, Petty's whole bag is so simple why don't more people make records this solid? Shoot, why didn't I make this album?" It's part of the magic of Tom Petty and his band that such a straightforward, traditional sound backing such straightforward, down-to-earth lyrics can work so well, especially on Damn the Torpedoes, which for me has always been the one Petty album (Greatest Hits excluded) worth spinning more or less from start to finish.

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Rock 'n Roll Iwo Jima

On some as-yet-undetermined date in some as-yet-undetermined city (surely a United States city), Bruce Springsteen and His E Street Band struck the powerful, unifying, healing pose that's come to be known through the Halls of Rock as Rock 'n Roll Iwo Jima. This is a pose that had never before been perfected on stage, not by Seger, John Mellencamp, or U2. Today we will attempt to define this term for future generations of musicians, rock critics, and music lovers, and we will begin to trace its development.

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Start playing at 3:15.

All this reminiscing about the godawful Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band movie got me thinking about the weirdest moment in an otherwise already super-weird decade in filmed musical entertainment: the 1970s. That moment has to be the grand finale of the Robert Stigwood-produced Sgt. Pepper's movie. The movie is stupid enough, but -- for the huge chorus finale -- you can tell Stigwood put a call out to all his cronies, cohorts, and coke dealers to round up as many washed-up rock stars and Love Boat cast members as possible. Then he set them on a huge outdoor set, taught them a few rudimentary dance moves, and had them sing along to a bad cover of the Sgt. Pepper's "Reprise."

The cast he assembled is downright strange. But -- rather than have me rattle them all off here -- why don't we rattle them all off together? It really is a fascinating, fun time-waster of an activity. I'm also hoping in my heart of hearts that you worthy Townsmen will also take a few moments to comment on the widely varying performances caught on screen.

I'll start the proceedings by pointing out: at 4:26 -- yes, that's albino guitar wizard Johnny Winter, "dancing" rather haphazardly!

I look forward to your responses.

HVB

Casting Call

Did anyone bother to see that movie on The Runaways? I had no interest in seeing it, but I'd be tempted to see a rock biopic on Blondie. How about you? The tide is high, and a casting call is going out to Townspeople to cast the band members and related scenesters (eg, Seymour Stein, members of Talking Heads and The Ramones).

For starters I'd propose Kirsten Dunst as Debbie Harry and Jason Schwartzman as Chris Stein. You may have other actors in mind. Shoot!

As some of you may recall, I can't stand Cameron Crowe's semi-autobiographical rock flick Almost Famous. Among the many scenes that didn't work for me is the key tour bus party sing-along to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer." I have to think that even rock fans of that film found that an especially wimpy and unrealistic song over which the fictional hard rock band would unite.

Assuming you agree that a more appropriate song was needed, what song would you have chosen for this scene?

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The other night a couple of Townsmen and I were talking about how hard it is as experienced musicians (to some degree, not accounting for talent or acclaim) to enjoy any dramatic rock movie, whether based on fact or not. We were not talking about rock documentaries or rock operas, such as Tommy, Quadrophenia, or The Wall, but dramatic rock movies centering on the lives of a musician or multiple musician characters. Some we had never seen all the way through, such as The Buddy Holly Story. One of us mentioned The Idolmaker as a relatively accurate portrayal of the lives of rock 'n roll musicians, but he was the only one of us who'd seen that movie all the way through. The films that immediately came to mind all had major flaws right off the bat that took us out of fully enjoying whatever else the movie had to offer.

We finally agreed that That Thing You Do was a less-objectionable-than-usual portrayal of the lives of musicians. I mentioned that The Germs movie I saw a couple of months ago was impressive for the fact that the actors were probably no less talented than the real members of The Germs. We'd heard that the dramatic movie on Joy Division was supposed to be good in terms of getting the musical stuff right, but we hadn't seen it. Likewise, none of us had seen that fictional take on The Temptations, The Five Heartbeats, all the way through.

Years ago I remember getting into a big fight with two friends over Grace of My Heart, the dramatic re-telling of a Carole King-like character. I kind of liked the movie thanks to it being stocked with a bunch of actors who get the six-pack from me, but my friends were totally bent out of shape over anachronisms in the model microphones and cut of striped jeans that characters wore. I've been there too many times myself when watching rock movies not loaded with six-pack-worthy actors.

I'm sure there some tremendous examples of dramatic rock 'n roll movies that don't immediately bum out musicians for their inaccuracies, that do get it more or less right. Truth be told, one of my least-favorite rock movies isn't so far off the mark in terms of rock 'n roll when it sticks to the band members'-only dynamic (and when it doesn't have them sing a completely inappropriate song on a bus trip). We just couldn't think of them that night, right?

This past Friday night I got to see most of the new Tom DiCillo documentary on The Doors, When You're Strange. I say "most" because the DVD being used to project this film in Philadelphia's cool, hip outdoor Piazza at Schmidt's condo gathering space crapped out twice for long stretches. It was a pretty cold and windy night, and after the second run of technical difficulties, with just the fat, bearded period of Jim Morrison and The Doors' life left to tell, my son and I felt like we'd had enough of a great night out, talking music and life and all that good stuff. We listened to - and talked about - Pink Floyd and Yes on the ride home. It was a beautiful time, man, and although I regret not seeing my favorite period of The Doors covered, we'd gotten more than our money's worth.

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I'm excited to see the new documentary on The Doors, When You're Strange, which is playing for free in Philadelphia this Friday night, April 9. My excitement is for a range of reasons, from the fact that it's directed by Tom DiCillo, who's first three movies (Living in Oblivion, Box of Moonlight, Johnny Suede) were indie joys for me in the '90s, to the fact that I like my share of Doors music as well as get a great deal of laughs out of the band's pretensions and their even more incredibly pretentious diehard fans. I'm sure this film's narrator, Johnny Depp, for instance, is going to match Ray Manzarek for jive-ass references to "shamen" and other mystical "native" nonsense that no white man who's not a professor of anthropology should be caught dead talking about.

I'm suspect this film will only perpetrate the mythology around The Doors and Jim Morrison, but I wish more people could see The Door for what they really were, not for what most of their fans wish they could be. For instance:

• The Doors were a solid psych-pop group with tight production, not groundbreaking avant-garde visionaries!
• The Doors were a tough, little blues-rock combo, not the house band for the Weimar Republic.
• Jim Morrison's lyrics were usually pretty funny and only worked in the context of his committed approach to desiring transcendence within the confines of his solid, little psych-pop/blues-rock combo. He was no American Poet!
• Jim Morrison's not alive; he's dead.

I'm not trying to degrade the work of The Doors. There's so much to like over the course of their brief career that reasonable rock 'n roll fans can't be bothered to hear for what it is for the risk of letting any of the wacko cult-worshipping leak into their lives. I'm trying to uncover the true and meaningful legacy of The Doors. For those Doors fans who use the band as a means for compensating for their empty spiritual lives, get a practicing shaman to guide you!

Is there an artist you wish people could see for what they are, not for what most of their fans wish they could be?

I finally got around to seeing Crazy Heart, and oh my! Despite a Herculean effort by Jeff Bridges to overcome the soap operatic acting talents of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart was about the most pointless movie I've seen in a long time. Well, in not too long a time: that Sherlock Holmes movie I saw with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law a couple of months ago really made me question my existence for the 2 hours it ran.

The music scenes in Crazy Heart were good. Bridges actually played and interacted with his fellow musicians in a way that felt real and insightful. The songs helped tell what little story there was to tell. No beefs there!

Bridges was truly fine, but Oscar-winning performance fine? What did he do that the multi-untalented Kris Kristofferson didn't do in A Star Is Born, for crying out loud? But I'm not here to knock Bridges. The work he did to keep this flat, overtold movie remotely watchable deserved an Oscar. And the Kristofferson comparison was uncalled for. Sorry, I get too much pleasure thinking about a scene from that film with Kristofferson's character wasted and playing an out-of-tune guitar while seated on a couch.

QUESTION: Why wasn't the Robert Duvall-produced Crazy Heart simply promoted as a prequel to Tender Mercies, the extraordinary tale of a recovering alcoholic, washed-up country singer trying to make it with a younger, farm-fresh woman and her little boy?

ANSWER after the jump!

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Disqualified!

Until the moment I put the finishing touches on this post I had no idea that actor Jeff Bridges had recorded an album of music. He seems to be a shoo-in to win the Oscar for Best Actor this Sunday night, but as a result of having released an album of his musical performances other than whatever he performs in his recent film, Crazy Heart, he is disqualified from this Battle Royale.

Specifically I'm asking that we determine the best portrayal of a musician (including actual musical performances) by a typically non-musician actor.

The actor needs to be portraying a musician; he or she cannot simply break out into song as a teenage greaser in a musical set at Rydell High. Beside, John Travolta, like Jeff Bridges, would also be disqualified for having released his own albums.

John Travolta, "Razzamatazz"

John Travolta, "Easy Evil"

Furthermore the actor needs to actually perform music in the film. Despite having seen the film about a half dozen times, I'm not sure if I know whether Justine Bateman or Julia Roberts actually played and/or sang in Satisfaction. Please research this issue before nominating either one of them. Same goes for Mary Stuart Masterson in Some Kind of Wonderful and countless other actors who were so convincing that it's hard to tell if they could really play.

A few more contenders before I ask you to put on your thinking caps and hash this out...

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