{"id":18873,"date":"2013-08-02T15:35:02","date_gmt":"2013-08-02T19:35:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/?p=18873"},"modified":"2013-08-02T15:35:02","modified_gmt":"2013-08-02T19:35:02","slug":"rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/","title":{"rendered":"Rock&#8217;s Unfulfilled Fashion Ideas: Shorts"},"content":{"rendered":"<iframe class='youtube-player youtuber' type='text\/html' width='425' height='355' src='http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/xuKd65C6jvU?rel=0&amp;fs=1&amp;ap=%252526fmt%253D18' webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen frameborder='0'><\/iframe>\n<p>Before the summer slips away and yet another musician commits perhaps the most egregious rock &#8216;n roll fashion faux pas, it&#8217;s time we address <strong>shorts<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>For everyday summer activities, shorts are fine, even recommended. I&#8217;ve seen Europeans snicker at American tourists in their shorts. With all due respect to our European Townspeople, bite me and my July tourism shorts! This is not the time or place to examine this side question, but what is the beef Europeans have with shorts? It&#8217;s not a matter of modesty, as would be the case for tourists trying to enter the Vatican in shorts. The cameras on European shampoo commercials, for instance, pan back enough so that you can see soapsuds washing down a woman&#8217;s bare breasts. It&#8217;s not about a sense of rock &#8216;n roll cool, because most continental Europeans can&#8217;t make rock &#8216;n roll music to save their lives. (I&#8217;m leaving our friends in the UK out of this completely. They wear shorts with high dress socks and ties and jackets, don&#8217;t they? That&#8217;s another kind of weird, but I bet our rock &#8216;n roll capable UK brethren don&#8217;t snicker at their US visitors wearing a comfortable, utilitarian pair of cargo shorts.) If the hang-ups my friends in Italy, Hungary, and France have with us wearing shorts were centered around a sense of rock &#8216;n roll cool I would understand completely, because&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h1>SHORTS HAVE (ALMOST) NO BUSINESS IN ROCK &#8216;N ROLL!<\/h1>\n<div id=\"attachment_19689\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/shorts.jpg\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-19689\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-19689\" alt=\"Not my friend's old band, but just as guilty of showing calves and knees onstage.\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/shorts-300x200.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/shorts-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/shorts.jpg 639w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-19689\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Not my friend&#8217;s old band, but just as guilty of showing calves and knees onstage.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Last week on vacation my family and I spent a lot of time in the company of an old musician friend. We got to talking about one of his old bands in his adopted home state, and he went on an amusing rant about how one of his bandmates chose the worst photo ever taken of my friend for inclusion on one of their CD covers. My friend was sure the choice of an especially unflattering photo was a power play. Well, maybe not, but he was laughing about how his old bandmate constantly failed to tune into matters of Look.<\/p>\n<p>To spur our memory, my friend pulled out the CD booklet and showed us the photo. He was right, the band shot captured our usually slender friend in a rare, brief-lived Fat Elvis period. What stood out for me, however, once I got a look at his B-cup man boobs and abnormally thick calves, was the fact that all members of the band were wearing shorts. For shame, otherwise cool old band whose CD I also own and enjoy!<\/p>\n<p>If a musician is getting dressed for a gig and considers wearing shorts, even when it&#8217;s an outdoor gig in sweltering heat, he or she should think twice, or as many times as it takes, to put that thought (and the shorts) in the back of the dresser drawer, far away from the stage. Shorts aren&#8217;t cool on stage. Plain and simple. Although rock &#8216;n roll can be a physical, even <a title=\"Rock's Unfulfilled Fashion Ideas: Athletic Wear\" href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rock-s-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-athletic-wear\/\" target=\"_blank\">athletic<\/a> exercise, musicians should not dress in a way that suggests they need added comfort, mobility, and ventilation. Shorts make everyone look like a kid, don&#8217;t they? Like a little kid. Little kids don&#8217;t play rock &#8216;n roll. Musicians should be cool enough to play music while wearing cool adult clothes, like jeans and button-down or t-shirts. They should be cool enough <em>on the inside<\/em> to wear outrageous outfits and <a title=\"Bowie\" href=\"http:\/\/i.telegraph.co.uk\/multimedia\/archive\/02178\/ziggy-make-up_2178432b.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">makeup<\/a>, if the gig calls for it, and not let a drip of sweat or even <a title=\"God of Thunder!\" href=\"http:\/\/leatherrebel.com\/website%20pics\/Gene-Simmons-Breathing-Fire.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">flames<\/a> disturb their <a title=\"Robert Smith\" href=\"http:\/\/www.independent.co.uk\/migration_catalog\/article5107357.ece\/ALTERNATES\/w460\/+Robert+Smith.jpeg\" target=\"_blank\">mascara<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>And you know what? If their cool rock &#8216;n roll clothes actually make them sweat like pigs, that&#8217;s cool. Rock &#8216;n roll sweat is cool.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t usually get sucked into the &#8220;[X] is so outrageous that he\/she is cool!&#8221; mentality, but <strong>Freddy Mercury<\/strong>&#8216;s <em>So Outrageous!<\/em> act finally wore me down about 5 years after he died. For as many ridiculous things as he wore, not even Freddy could pull off shorts.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_19687\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/freddie-mercury-47.jpg\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-19687\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-19687\" alt=\"Not cool, Freddy.\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/freddie-mercury-47-300x196.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"196\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/freddie-mercury-47-300x196.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/freddie-mercury-47.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-19687\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Not cool, Freddy.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I&#8217;m not even sure that women musicians look good in shorts\u2014<em>while performing on stage<\/em>, although I&#8217;ll make an exception for <a title=\"Cub Scout Linda\" href=\"http:\/\/www.ronstadt-linda.com\/hit7806.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">women musicians wearing Cub Scouts shorts<\/a>. Even <a title=\"Debbie Harry shorts 1\" href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-4HQ2lbLPMHY\/T6QXt9mCBvI\/AAAAAAAADyc\/Exk3da9W-Lo\/s1600\/DEBBIE+HARRY+STYLE3.jpg\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Debbie Harry<\/strong><\/a> looks not quite as cool in them\u2014<a title=\"Debbie in shorts onstage\" href=\"http:\/\/cdn.buzznet.com\/assets\/users16\/kitten\/default\/inspired-debbie-harry--large-msg-129480213757.jpg\" target=\"_blank\"><em>while performing on stage<\/em><\/a>. And remember: we&#8217;re talking <a title=\"Debbie in shorts and knee pads\" href=\"http:\/\/farm1.static.flickr.com\/13\/15975992_ac695d2062_o.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">shorts (knee pade optional)&#8230;while performing onstage<\/a>, not <a title=\"Rise, Debbie, rise!\" href=\"http:\/\/www.createbuilddestroy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/debbie.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">just sitting on a riser<\/a>, not wearing just\u00a0<a title=\"Debbie in panties\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mrkate.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/tumblr_lwxvpduPMw1qfuof5o1_500.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">panties<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe I&#8217;m wrong about women musicians not looking cool in shorts. Feel free to reconsider the evidence and come back in a few minutes. We&#8217;ll wait for you.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, there is one group of musicians who might be able to get away with wearing shorts&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h1>Hardcore drummers.<\/h1>\n<p>Although hardcore musicians pioneered a nearly Anti-Look Movement, only hardcore drummers get a pass on wearing shorts onstage. It takes a lot of work to crank out those fast, shitty hardcore beats. And it&#8217;s not like they were getting rich playing that stuff. Cut those guys a break. Beside, unless you&#8217;re staring too hard at the drummer&#8217;s crotch, who can tell what they&#8217;ve got on back there?<\/p>\n<p>Other drummers, for all the sweat and strained tendons they generate, are still subject to the No Shorts Onstage rule. Sorry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Red Hot Chili Peppers<\/strong> have been known to wear shorts onstage, but thankfully they have a preferable alternative.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_19690\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/rhcp-shorts.jpg\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-19690\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-19690\" alt=\"Preferable to shorts.\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/rhcp-shorts-300x199.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/rhcp-shorts-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/rhcp-shorts.jpg 595w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-19690\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Preferable to shorts.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>As far as I can tell, among non-hardcore drummers, only one musician has justified a pass for wearing shorts onstage&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h1>Henry Rollins.<\/h1>\n<div id=\"attachment_19693\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/henry_rollins_of_black_flag_live.jpg\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-19693\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-19693\" alt=\"Own them!\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/henry_rollins_of_black_flag_live-300x197.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"197\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/henry_rollins_of_black_flag_live-300x197.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/henry_rollins_of_black_flag_live.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-19693\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Own them!<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;\">Rollins <em>owns<\/em> his onstage shorts, whether they are a <\/span><a style=\"font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;\" title=\"Rollins shorts 1\" href=\"http:\/\/hotmessmom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/Henry-Rollins.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">somewhat standard surfer cut<\/a>,<span style=\"font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;\">\u00a0skimpy satin gym shorts, or old-school <a title=\"Old school!\" href=\"http:\/\/25.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_lzciqd4LCZ1qckm0wo1_500.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">gray cotton gym shorts<\/a>. They are not worn for comfort; they are essential to his Look. His shorts are cool. Your shorts are not. Don&#8217;t even think about wearing those things.<\/span><\/p>\n<nav class=\"page-links\"><strong>Pages:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">1<\/span><\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/2\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">2<\/span><\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/3\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">3<\/span><\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/4\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">4<\/span><\/a><\/nav>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Before the summer slips away and yet another musician commits perhaps the most egregious rock &#8216;n roll fashion faux pas, it&#8217;s time we address shorts. For everyday summer activities, shorts are fine, even recommended. I&#8217;ve seen Europeans snicker at American tourists in their shorts. With all due respect to our European Townspeople, bite me and <a href='https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/rocks-unfulfilled-fashion-ideas-shorts\/' class='excerpt-more'>[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[342,344],"tags":[817,77],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18873"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18873"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18873\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}