{"id":20193,"date":"2013-10-04T12:25:36","date_gmt":"2013-10-04T16:25:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/?p=20193"},"modified":"2013-10-04T12:25:36","modified_gmt":"2013-10-04T16:25:36","slug":"touched-by-a-beatle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/touched-by-a-beatle\/","title":{"rendered":"Touched By a Beatle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/yokobetty.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20197\" alt=\"yokobetty\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/yokobetty.png\" width=\"400\" height=\"291\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/yokobetty.png 400w, https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/yokobetty-300x218.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Listen, I&#8217;m not one of those misogynist Yoko haters who blame her for breaking up the Beatles. As much as I grew up loving\u2014and still love\u2014the band, I think they broke up at the right time. By 1974, it would have stunk to have seen them go through their worst solo phases collectively. Imagine if they&#8217;d done like the Stones and survived into the &#8217;80s and beyond? No thank you! There are enough 50-year-old fanboys still trying to pull off a variation of the moptop to carry on their would-be sagging legacy.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ll go one step further in making it clear that I&#8217;m not a Yoko hater: I think that, next to dropping acid, Yoko is the best thing that happened to John. It was cool seeing John grow up and become a somewhat peaceful family man. It gave me some hope during tough times. She seemed like a great match for John, and a cool person in her own right.<\/p>\n<p>What I am is a music fan who is completely sick of Yoko&#8217;s attempts at making music\u2014or perhaps I should say our attempts at liking it. I like Yoko&#8217;s first Plastic Ono Band album. It&#8217;s a great &#8220;F-U!&#8221; album, with John and that raw, minimalist band cranking out a racket behind Yoko&#8217;s screeching. She did some other screeching recordings in that format in the early &#8217;70s that I also enjoy. Then she got the bright idea that she should sing actual lyrics with something resembling a melody. Beside her lone vocal line in &#8220;Bungalow Bill&#8221; and her chorus vocals on &#8220;Happy X-Mas (War Is Over)&#8221; I have felt that Yoko has no business going anywhere near actual lyrics and anything resembling a melody.<\/p>\n<p>I mourned for the widowed Yoko as much as the next Beatles fan when John was murdered at the release of their <em>Double Fantasy<\/em> album, but I gladly skipped every one of Yoko&#8217;s songs. As a singer, she&#8217;s well beneath &#8220;rank amateur.&#8221; The likes of the <strong>B-52s<\/strong> could rave all they wanted about the influence Yoko had on them. They had a chance of getting a dinner invitation. What did I have to gain by pretending to like that shit? Julian wasn&#8217;t her kid, and I was way too old to have a play date with Sean.<\/p>\n<p>Yoko&#8217;s still at it, and my Facebook feed is ablaze with people raving over her performance on the <em>Late Show With David Letterman<\/em>, backed by the so-cool-I-can&#8217;t-believe-I&#8217;m-worthy-of-living-in-the-same-world-with-them <strong>Flaming Lips<\/strong> (and Sean). If she&#8217;s not already, I bet Yoko will be <em>trending<\/em> today. Have you seen this yet? Check it out:<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;\"><iframe class='youtube-player youtuber' type='text\/html' width='425' height='355' src='http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/qXXn3-UpusI?rel=0&amp;fs=1&amp;ap=%252526fmt%253D18' webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen frameborder='0'><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<p>If you disagree with me, please explain why this isn&#8217;t terrible and insufferable? If she were a 20-year-old former Disney star writhing around in a flesh-colored body stocking, putting my dick between conflicted feelings of guilt; disgust; and creepy, self-loathing excitement, I wouldn&#8217;t hesitate to say it is terrible. She can&#8217;t sing. The song&#8217;s lyrics and music are trite. Look at Wayne Coyne! He is clearly still licking a top chef-prepared dinner at Yoko&#8217;s place off his beard as he fiddles around with a bullhorn. It&#8217;s clear what&#8217;s in it for them, but what&#8217;s in it for my friends who are helping Yoko to trend on this glorious October day?<\/p>\n<p>Is this like 903-year-old <strong>Betty White<\/strong> telling an off-color joke at her age? Is this all about a billionaire grandma getting up onstage and &#8220;rocking out?&#8221; If so, I can understand those feelings. If Yoko had resisted from repeatedly flashing Ringo&#8217;s peace signs I may have enjoyed this a little bit, in that Betty White Tells an Off-Color Joke way. However, watching it as a fan of music (not to mention a rank amateur musician), I think, <em>Give me a break!<\/em> If people who like Yoko&#8217;s attempts at making conventional records really like this stuff, wouldn&#8217;t they like the music made but other sub-rank amateurs? Oh wait, it&#8217;s 2013. What am I saying&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>The power of being Touched By a Beatle cannot be overlooked. Think of all the people who have managed to keep in the public eye thanks to even casual groping by a Beatles. John&#8217;s blessing must have been the most powerful of blessings among Beatles. Even in death being touched by John enables all manner of mediocre musicians to carry on.<\/p>\n<p>Being touched by George probably is the next most powerful blessing, even before George&#8217;s blessing took on added weight with his death.<\/p>\n<p>Being touched by Paul may be a bad thing. Beside <strong>Badfinger<\/strong>, has anyone&#8217;s profile been raised in a positive light by playing music with, screwing, or even partying with the Cute One?<\/p>\n<p>Ringo had his brief reign of touching lesser musicians, but his All-Star Traveling Band (or whatever that is called) seems to be nothing more than a fun, down-to-earth venture that promises no healing or other special mojo powers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen, I&#8217;m not one of those misogynist Yoko haters who blame her for breaking up the Beatles. As much as I grew up loving\u2014and still love\u2014the band, I think they broke up at the right time. By 1974, it would have stunk to have seen them go through their worst solo phases collectively. Imagine if <a href='https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/touched-by-a-beatle\/' class='excerpt-more'>[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[342],"tags":[127,22,390],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20193"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20193"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20193\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}