{"id":6961,"date":"2011-05-01T19:01:29","date_gmt":"2011-05-01T23:01:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/?p=6961"},"modified":"2011-05-01T19:02:15","modified_gmt":"2011-05-01T23:02:15","slug":"the-craigslist-list-of-lies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/the-craigslist-list-of-lies\/","title":{"rendered":"The Craigslist List of Lies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em>The following piece was submitted by Townsman chickenfrank, who&#8217;s currently &#8220;not looking.&#8221;<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-6962\" title=\"bandstock\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/bandstock.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"86\" height=\"100\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Anyone considering trying to join a band by responding to a <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.craigslist.org\/about\/sites\" target=\"_blank\">Craigslist ad<\/a><\/strong> may benefit from my experience. First, it\u2019s difficult to find a band that list influences that appeal to your taste. I\u2019ve seen many ads list a dozen influences, and I\u2019ve never heard of any of them. I don\u2019t know why, but a surprising number of auditioning bands have difficulty with the tricky spelling of the word \u201crhythm\u201d in their ad. You also need to be sure that you match the band\u2019s listed criteria for a potential member. Be prepared; most bands lie. To help, I offer the following interpretations of the common phrases I\u2019ve found in band ads. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Must have own transportation<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means:<\/strong> We need someone to haul the PA to the VFW hall for us.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says:<\/strong> No Egos<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Must obey me.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Have our own rehearsal space<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>I live with my mother.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><em><!--more--><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Touring in the spring<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>My mother said I need to get the fuck out of her house by the spring.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Upcoming gigs already booked<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>My cousin\u2019s birthday is next month.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>No posers<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>I want someone who\u2019s even nerdier than me.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Must be driven and committed<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Must be unemployed and heavily tattooed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Gender is unimportant<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>I\u2019m hoping to meet women by auditioning them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter\" title=\"stock-photo-heavy-metal-guitarists-34178347\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/stock-photo-heavy-metal-guitarists-34178347-e1304290081290.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"135\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Experienced musicians<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Old.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>We play all the big rooms<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Our gigs are usually empty.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Backing vocals preferred<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Our singer sucks.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>No drug or alcohol abusers<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>Christian rock.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Must have sense of humor<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re homely with lots of songs about farting.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Progressive rock<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re homely with lots of songs about dragons.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Unique sound<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re really bad.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Easy going<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re high.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter\" title=\"stock-photo-the-band-6618379\" src=\"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/stock-photo-the-band-6618379-e1304289956213.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"148\" \/><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Must have right look<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>No fat chicks.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Label interest<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>No one has sent back a rejection letter yet.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Energetic and fun<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re jackasses.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>What ad says: <\/strong>Must be committed to making it<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>What ad means: <\/strong>We\u2019re going nowhere.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>For the benefit of your fellow musicians, can you ad to the Craigslist of Lies?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following piece was submitted by Townsman chickenfrank, who&#8217;s currently &#8220;not looking.&#8221; Anyone considering trying to join a band by responding to a Craigslist ad may benefit from my experience. First, it\u2019s difficult to find a band that list influences that appeal to your taste. I\u2019ve seen many ads list a dozen influences, and I\u2019ve <a href='https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/the-craigslist-list-of-lies\/' class='excerpt-more'>[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[342],"tags":[403],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6961"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6961"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6961\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}