{"id":8860,"date":"2011-08-26T16:44:19","date_gmt":"2011-08-26T20:44:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/?p=8860"},"modified":"2020-09-24T21:49:57","modified_gmt":"2020-09-25T01:49:57","slug":"analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises\/","title":{"rendered":"Analog Assholes, Compromises, and Pleasant Surprises"},"content":{"rendered":"<iframe class='youtube-player youtuber' type='text\/html' width='425' height='355' src='http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/e8XoB6mo2pU?rel=0&amp;fs=1&amp;ap=%252526fmt%253D18' webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen frameborder='0'><\/iframe><p>Ever have one of those days when just about everything\u00a0sucks from sun up to sun down?\u00a0I had one of &#8217;em about a month ago.<\/p>\n<p>It all began at around 8:00 in the morning, on a day when my adorable little brats were staying overnight at my mother-in-law&#8217;s condo. I was reading an e-mail from one of my eBay customers, who purchased and recently received a <strong>Frank Sinatra<\/strong> Reprise reel to reel tape of the LP <em>That&#8217;s Life<\/em>.\u00a0When I listed the auction, I test-played the tape, and it sounded superb.\u00a0It was purchased in a lot of still-sealed reel to reel tapes.\u00a0That said, the tape was not to his liking.\u00a0Take a look at this shit:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>When I went to play this tape, I found that it suffers from severe edge curl that results in excessive wow\/flutter and dropouts. Even my Teac X-2000, which can compensate for a lot of tape issues, has troubling playing it. I know you played these tapes and found that they played well on your R2R deck, but I experienced some problems playing them on my deck. I notice that the tape suffers from edge curl on one side of the tape and, even though the dual capstan drive mechanism on my deck can compensate for some of that, it could not completely overcome it on the first tape. I can also see that there is visible tape wear on both tapes which may be responsible for the high level of hiss and static noises I hear in the left channel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Man, did this guy need to get laid.<\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<p>This was certainly a first. My reel-to-reel customers love my reel-to-reel tapes. They&#8217;re always thanking me after they receive the things, going on and on about how great all that low end is, all the warmth, and all that other crap they could hear\u00a0in\u00a0any other format whatsoever: CDs, records, MP3s, whatever, if they just turned on their receiver&#8217;s loudness switch and cranked up the bass dial.\u00a0For the most part, a lot of these weirdos could have fulfilling lives, spending time on way more important things,\u00a0having relationships and whatnot.\u00a0They just don&#8217;t want to make any compromises.\u00a0In some weird way, it&#8217;s like a safety net.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m getting off track. I&#8217;m known for being ultrapicky about the condition of the items I sell. My feedback rating is and has been 100 percent for ages.<\/p>\n<p>For those who are new to the eBay game, sellers can&#8217;t leave negative feedback.\u00a0Period.\u00a0They have to take shit like this from lots of peckerheads, kiss their tight little hinys, and send them refunds when requested.\u00a0And if\u00a0the seller\u00a0chooses not to issue the refund, eBay takes the money right out of the seller&#8217;s\u00a0PayPal account and gives it to these creeps.\u00a0Even worse is when a seller mails a package overseas, and the overseas customer claims he\/she never received it.\u00a0Again, the money is taken right out of the seller&#8217;s PayPal account and given right back to the sleezebag.<\/p>\n<p>In short, eBay is becoming a haven for fraud.\u00a0Beware!<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, I had to deal with the butthole.\u00a0Know that I really wanted to give him a good verbal kick in the nuts.\u00a0I gave him this instead:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I apologize for the condition of the tape.\u00a0During the test play, there were several things happening around my home that may have distracted me from a decent critique.\u00a0As a fellow collector of reel-to-reels and records, I understand the disappointment of receiving items that are not what they are described to be.\u00a0Please let me know if you would like a refund which includes your original shipping and handling costs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Simply put, I make more money if I maintain my 100 percent feedback.<\/p>\n<p>The problem appeared to be solved so I moved on to breakfast, chowed down while reading a chunk of the Albert Goldman Elvis biography.\u00a0It&#8217;s awful, but there&#8217;s lots of great dirt in the turd:\u00a0 Elvis jamming with the Beatles, Elvis donning a turban and attempting\u00a0the healing of a Memphis Mafia member&#8217;s child, Elvis putting a hit out on Priscilla&#8217;s new boyfriend&#8230; In the midst of all this, Goldman somehow or another found a way to include the obligatory death of rock &#8216;n roll that supposedly\u00a0took place during the late 1950s, triggered by Elvis&#8217; induction into the Army, the death of Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee&#8217;s decision to marry his 13-year-old cousin, and Chuck Berry&#8217;s Mann Act indictment.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re like me, you&#8217;ve had it with this nonsense.\u00a0Simply put, Elvis&#8217; real rock and roll days ended before his induction, and Holly was looking for something more than guitar, bass, and drums.\u00a0For the record, Lewis&#8217; career did not end because of his relationship with Myra Brown.\u00a0It ended because everything post &#8220;Breathless&#8221; sucked.\u00a0Kids who buy records don&#8217;t give a hoot what you&#8217;re doing in your free time.\u00a0If Lewis came up with something as hot as &#8220;Great Balls of Fire&#8221; after &#8220;Breathless,&#8221; he could have been caught in broad daylight stuffing corn cobs up his ass, and it wouldn&#8217;t have hurt sales in the least.\u00a0Instead, he turned in garbage like &#8220;Break Up,&#8221; &#8220;Big Blon&#8217; Baby,&#8221; and\u00a0&#8220;Lovin&#8217; Up a Storm&#8221;&#8230; Your average Joe is unfamiliar with these insufferable workouts because they are totally forgettable, which is the real reason everyone chose to forget about him.<\/p>\n<p>And likewise Chuck Berry.\u00a0Take a look at that post &#8220;Johnny B. Goode&#8221; catalog: &#8220;Bye Bye Johnny,&#8221; &#8220;Come On,&#8221; &#8220;Jaguar and Thunderbird&#8221;&#8230; They&#8217;re more or less parodies of the good stuff with a band that&#8217;s even stiffer than the post Jerry Lee &#8220;Breathless&#8221; band.\u00a0Again, Berry could have taken 700 underage teens\u00a0as well as\u00a0Jerry Lee across state lines, plugged them with booze, and forced them to have sex with animals and sales would not have been affected one iota had he taken the time to come up with something as hot as &#8220;Sweet Little Sixteen&#8221; or &#8220;School Day.&#8221;\u00a0Like Jerry Lee, his career took a nose dive because his new songs blew even worse than his uninspired band.<\/p>\n<p>Truth told, I then decided to vaccum when the phone rang.\u00a0 It&#8217;s a guy from Lebanon, Pennsylvania:<\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Hey, I got your number from a buddy of mine who said you like records.I got records.\u00a0 Tons of &#8217;em&#8230; You know those plastic tubs they sell at Wallmart? I got about\u00a010 of those&#8230; Beatles, Rolling Stones, Zep, Who, and a lot weird stuff I never heard before&#8230; Ansley Dunbar Retal&#8230; Here&#8217;s one with a girl, you can see her tits, and she&#8217;s holding an airplane&#8230; I can&#8217;t even read the name of this thing: Tales from Torpo&#8230; You just want the band&#8217;s name?\u00a0You don&#8217;t want&#8230; What the&#8230;this thing&#8217;s got a big eye in the center of it, looks like somebody painted the cover&#8230;13th floor&#8230; What kind of shape are they in?\u00a0Good, real good.\u00a0The cases have a little wear, but the records are all stone cold mint&#8230; No, I never tried to sell &#8217;em before, but there&#8217;s a guy comin&#8217; here tomorrow to take a look at&#8230;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I arrived about 2 hours later to take a look at the records.\u00a0The LPs, covers and discs looked like they had been used for a never-ending Frisbee golf match on the set of <em>The Road Warrior<\/em>.\u00a0 That said, the 13th Floor Elevators LP looked playable.\u00a0I had to come home with something to justify all the wasted time and gas.\u00a0I pulled\u00a0the\u00a0Elevators LP\u00a0out of the rubbish and said, &#8220;How about 30 bucks for this thing?&#8221; To make a long story short, he was pissed that I wasn&#8217;t interested in anything else and decided to hold onto it: &#8220;Nah,\u00a0 the Pawn Stars guys paid 75 bucks for some Dylan LP that has a sloppy face painted on the cover.\u00a0This here&#8217;s painted better.<\/p>\n<p>When I finally got back home, my better half (I definitely married up\u2014ask the Moderator about that whole thing), chewed me out for pissing the day away, then asked me if I wanted to watch a movie after dinner.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yeah, I&#8217;ll watch a movie.&#8221; (When you&#8217;re married with kids in elementary school and high school, you watch a lot of movies.\u00a0You get home from work, you have dinner, you shit around, and you wind up in bed together around 9:00 pm or so to read or watch a movie.\u00a0It&#8217;s not real exciting, but it&#8217;s something you look forward to after working your balls off all day long.)<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d watch <em>The Kids Are Alright<\/em>\u00a0again,&#8221; she said,\u00a0&#8220;I saw it in the theater with Mia.\u00a0It&#8217;s good.&#8221; (I&#8217;m not a fan of Mia.\u00a0She&#8217;s almost 50 and she hasn&#8217;t decided whether she wants to be a Web designer,\u00a0caterer, or lactation consultant.)<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Who&#8217;s in it?&#8221; (Since Mia enjoyed it, it most probably has to be awful.\u00a0I&#8217;m trying to justify its awfulness\u00a0 by maligning the cast that was boneheaded enough to sign on for the thing).<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Mark Ruffalo [All women LOVE Mark Ruffalo. Truth be told, I like him too.\u00a0He reminds me of a lot of my sister&#8217;s old high schoold boyfriends, who I liked a lot but just couldn&#8217;t get it together], Julianne Moore [whatever, although she kickstarted her career by dropping her shorts for Robert Altman, she did alright in <em>Boogie Nights<\/em>], Annette Bening&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The damn broke. &#8220;Forget it. I can handle Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore, but I&#8217;m not sitting through anything with Annette Bening.\u00a0Total Bimbo.\u00a0She&#8217;s another one of those centerless, talentless bozos\u00a0who wisely decided to take it all off to make things happen.\u00a0She&#8217;s played a vapid bimbo in every vapid vehicle she&#8217;s\u00a0 ever been in: <em>The Grifters<\/em>, <em>Bugsy<\/em>, <em>American Beauty<\/em>&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Fine.\u00a0We can&#8217;t watch this, we can&#8217;t watch that.\u00a0Sean Penn should never have shot higher than Spicoli, the Coen Brothers are overrated, more real effort was put into <em>Cocktail<\/em> and <em>Roadhouse<\/em> than some art house film&#8230; I&#8217;ve had it.\u00a0I can&#8217;t do this anymore.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yeah? [Man, it seemed like she really meant it this time.\u00a0Instantaneously, I saw myself out in the middle of nowhere with all those\u00a0loners who couldn&#8217;t make compromises\u2014all those guys\u00a0who were <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=r-50guqTVrQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">still hanging onto a lot of minutia<\/a> that was totally worthless: analog, Captain Beefheart, the Stones&#8217; <em>Between the Buttons<\/em>, sleeveless shirts&#8230;] Let me get a beer, and I&#8217;ll give this thing a shot.&#8221;<\/p><iframe class='youtube-player youtuber' type='text\/html' width='425' height='355' src='http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/VySGuXSSXpU?rel=0&amp;fs=1&amp;ap=%252526fmt%253D18' webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen frameborder='0'><\/iframe><p>Well, we watched the movie, and lo and behold, Annette Bening was absolutely terrific. She played a control freak lesbian who wasn&#8217;t gonna let some hippie dude screw up her beautiful family.\u00a0Just thinking about her performance made me break out in goosebumps. (By the way, Kris Kristofferson, who the Moderator correctly calls &#8220;the multi-untalented Kris Kristofferson,&#8221; managed to pull off a similar feat with his appearance in John Sayles&#8217; <em>Lone Star<\/em>.\u00a0Man, that&#8217;s also one hell of a movie.)<\/p>\n<p>After apologizing for being a dick and thanking my ball and chain for giving me another chance, I shut the lights out and thought about how fucked up the day was, that it took Annette Bening of all people, to shed light on the fact that I had a good thing going: the ball and chain, the brats, and the ability to make compromises that keep the good thing going.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps you too have had an unlikely patron saint like Bening.\u00a0If so, I&#8217;d certainly like to hear about about the angel on your shoulder and the compromises you&#8217;ve made that have saved your neck.<\/p>\n<p>E. Pluribus<\/p>\n<nav class=\"page-links\"><strong>Pages:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">1<\/span><\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises\/2\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">2<\/span><\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises\/3\/\" class=\"post-page-numbers\"><span class=\"page-num\">3<\/span><\/a><\/nav>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever have one of those days when just about everything\u00a0sucks from sun up to sun down?\u00a0I had one of &#8217;em about a month ago. It all began at around 8:00 in the morning, on a day when my adorable little brats were staying overnight at my mother-in-law&#8217;s condo. I was reading an e-mail from one <a href='https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/analog-assholes-compromises-and-pleasant-surprises\/' class='excerpt-more'>[&#8230;]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[342],"tags":[505,504,34],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8860"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/74"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8860"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8860\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8860"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8860"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rocktownhall.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8860"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}