Feb 032013
 

lewiscrying

OK, so Super Bowl XLVII’s extravaganza doesn’t promise much kick-ass rock ‘n roll or sweet soul music entertainment value for our demographic, but if the other 2 women from Destiny’s Child have kept in half the shape of Beyoncé the halftime show promises to be BOOTYLICIOUS.

Normal, with-it people are speculating whether Jay-Z will appear onstage with his woman. Uh-huh. Yeah… I’m anticipating/dreading an appearance by Stevie Nicks, flying in on a Welsh broom.

Someone’s going to have to pretend to play the sampled riff from that godawful Nicks song. Who’s it going to be? Lenny Kravitz? Dave Navarro? Lindsey Buckingham? Our nation’s go-to mixed-race symbol of post-Hendrix guitar cool for the masses, Slash?

Long before the halftime show, to help raise our collective sense of patriotism, did I read correctly that Alicia Keys is singing the National Anthem? You know what I’m talking about, geo! Find a role for my other homegirl Eve to ensure that I salute the flag!

I bet some of you have more to say on this historic event than I can muster at the moment. Let it all hang out: Jesus, deer antler spray, Harbowl… This is the NFL. This is Super Bowl Sunday. This is America. God is never wrong!

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  19 Responses to “Your Space for Commentary on the Least-Rocking Super Bowl Entertainment Package Ever!”

  1. ladymisskirroyale

    Who says this won’t be a rockin’ Super Bowl? I plan on skipping the half time show and listening to the NEW My Bloody Valentine.

  2. I know so little about Destiny’s Child or whatever else is scheduled as non-football entertainment this year, that I have very little snark to share. I’ll try anyway.

    The anthem takes approx. 1:30 minutes to sing. I’m betting Keys won’t finish under 1:45. She seems to like stretching her own songs out with pleas to “put your hands in the air” etc., and I’m guessing she’s going to take her time on the S.S.B. too.

    No way Jay Z is on stage. How disrespectful to the other two employees of Destiny’s Child.

    Hoping the game is interesting enough to make to the end. You can bet on whether the brothers shake hands or bear hug. I have $500 on a groin punch.

  3. At least one of the other Destiny’s children still has it going on and is taking a leave from her DC appearance in Fela!
    http://www.shakespearetheatre.org/plays/details.aspx?id=13871&source=t

    Mr. Mod — safe to say that you don’t have any cool Stevie Nicks shirts like this, I guess?
    http://shop.chrisnicks.com/2005-Gold-Dust-Stevie-in-Black-Gown-White-T-Shirt-1449.htm

  4. I’m sure that it won’t be long before the NFL starts to cut corners with the halftime EXTWAVAGONZAH! and goes the reality route, featuring fistfights from tipsy NFL WIVES instead of either having to suck up to Jay-Z NBA or rehire 65 year old british fellows, now seventy.

    This here is more interesting

  5. Who’s going to generate the OUTRAGE at this year’s performance? The Destiny’s Child crew seem like good girls. Who’s going to give America the finger – or spray the crowd with deer antler spray?

  6. bostonhistorian

    Not watching.

  7. They must be snorting that stuff on 16 at the TPC. Padraig Harrington made a 66 yard field goal. With a sand wedge…

    I predict next year they randomly drug test the caddies

  8. You could watch this instead…

  9. eesh…that Slash feller has roont it for everyone. No one will legitimately be able to wear a top hat again. Kind of like what happened with the Hitler mustasche

  10. cliff sovinsanity

    Uh-oh uh-oh, oh oh.

  11. Beyonce’s coming back with an acoustic set.

  12. Someone needs to shoot Cowher with a tranquilizer.

  13. Man, it’s late enough over here. Is there an electrician in the house ?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CbzB1xk_PA

  14. ladymisskirroyale

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztnn_hSGtg0

    Beyonce, eat your heart out.

  15. Keys didn’t disappoint. She went clear over 2 minutes. Even did a tag of the last line of the Banner to get over the mark.

    I wish I had seen Beyonce’s performance. Oh that’s right! I did. I just forgot already.

  16. misterioso

    Gotta admit, that cracked me up! Ah, Peter Wolf, the solo years. Such a surfeit of mediocrity. Not that his bandmates went on to greater glory after he split… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=289lzL6Eit8

  17. […] the Super Bowl power outage Townsman Chickenfrank and I touched on the fantastic comeback season enjoyed by Peyton Manning. […]

 
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