We do it all the time: mention a band at a party, or over a beer, and somebody — probably you — will trot out some tired old anecdote involving scandal, madness, debauchery, or cruelty to show that you know what you’re supposed to know about the artist in question. Like Mikey dying from drinking a coke after eating Pop Rocks, it may or may not actually be true, but who cares? It’s a story everybody knows, so it becomes lingua franca.
But let’s make this a bit more fun, shall we? Imagine you’re at a party, and someone says:
“What was the name of that band/artist… you know, the one…”
…followed by a shallow, regurgitated bit of lore, like:
“… that shoved a freshly caught mackerel into a groupie’s cooter?”
Okay, that one is easy. But try these on for size. Or add your own! But do let us know what band or artist the party bore is jawboning about.
- “… where the lead singer freaked out on acid and started to believe that dogs were Gods because they were spelled the same, backwards.” — ANSWER: SKY SAXON
2. “…. where the guy killed himself by throwing himself in front of an oncoming train.”
3. “… where the guy’s mom made him get electro-shock therapy, after he tried to jump off the roof at a party.”
4. “…where the guy used to mainline heroin on stage.” HVB FALLS FOR HALF-REMEMBERED ROCK LORE BULLSHIT, AND THOUGHT THE ANSWER WAS LOU REED
5. “… where the lead singer and guitarist took so many drugs, they paid to have their entire blood supply replaced, just so they’d survive touring.” — ANSWER: AEROSMITH
6. “… where the lead singer used to come out on stage wearing nothing but a bed sheet with a hole cut in it. He’d lift the sheet up while singing, and get blow jobs from the chicks in the audience. That’s why the band’s performances used to be rated X!” — ANSWER: GEORGE CLINTON
7. “…where the guy used to cut himself with broken glass on stage.” — ANSWER: IGGY POP
8. “… where the guy, like, stayed in bed for, like, ten years or something.” — ANSWER: BRIAN WILSON
9. “…where the lead guitarist used to get panties thrown at him at every show. He was like a huge sex symbol back in the 70s, but he’s a nobody now.”
10. “… where the guy supposedly had the biggest dick in show business back in the 40s and 50s.”
11. “…where the guy got so turned on by the plaster mold the ‘plaster casters’ were using to get a model of his wang, that he started fucking it!” — ANSWER: HENDRIX
I look forward to your responses.