Aug 242011
 

Yeah, yeah. The White Album should’ve been edited down to a single disc. Ho-hum, Yellow Submarine was padded out with awful George Martin instrumental garbage. Yawn, Let It Be was an EP at best.

Here’s a question for Beatles fans with BALLS: can you assemble a Beatles album — 10 tracks minimum, using only official album and single tracks on which at least half of the band played — that you would never listen to? One that you would actively dislike, and dissuade your friends from buying because it sucked so much? What would be on that suckiest Beatles album to never be released?

I look forward to your responses — especially yours, EPG.

HVB

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  212 Responses to “New Beatles Album Released… and, Thanks to You, It’s Terrible!”

  1. saturnismine

    Your Mother Should Know
    Honey Pie
    Wild Honey Pie
    Revolution #9
    Fool on the Hill
    Within Without You
    Love You To
    Rocky Raccoon
    Long, Long Long
    Goodnight

  2. The Beatles Brown Album….

    1. Don’t Pass My By
    2. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
    3. Within You Without You
    4. Don’t Let Me Down
    5. Your Mother Should Know
    6. Wild Honey Pie
    7. Till There Was You
    8. Octopus’s Garden
    9. Run For Your Life
    10. Good Night

  3. saturnismine

    I like your album, Tone…that is to say, I hate it!

    But not as much as mine. I’m a sucker for “til There was You,” but I don’t take exception to its presence on the Brown album.

    “Don’t Let me Down,” and “Run for Your Life,” however, are songs I’ve always liked.

    If we switched out Maxwell’s Silver Hammer for Fool on the HIll, and Octopus’s Garden for Long Long Long (which at least has a nice bridge, and pretty awesome drumming by Ringo), I think we’d have a Super Turd on our hands.

  4. jeangray

    Not a Harrison fan???

  5. jeangray

    And not a Starr fan.

  6. I was trying to keep this album balanced, otherwise it would have been too easy to make it all Paul songs.

    I know “Don’t Let Me Down” is a popular song and perhaps my stance on it needs an explanation. The version we hear is a terrible rendition of what might have been a good song. It’s sloppy, there’s no groove, the instruments aren’t tuned together, it drags terribly, and you can sometimes hear the band stumbling around for a center or downbeat. Billy Preston is still trying to figure out what’s best for the song. I really hate John’s singing when he goes “Ooh, she do me/Yes, she duhhhhhs.” The whole thing sounds like a first take. I know people say that “it’s real, man – it’s authentic!” I’ve been hearing that for decades. Well, all I have to say is thank God for George Martin.

    “Run For Your Life” sounds like something John wrote with a gun pointed to his head – “John, do something quick – We gotta get another song in by 11 PM!” To me it’s the weakest song by far on Rubber Soul.

    I strongly considered “Fool On the Hill” – it’s not a good song. However, “Maxwell” is so unbearably saccharine-cute and whimsical – it’s like gagging on a bottle of Karo syrup. I can just see John and George rolling their eyes at this one. “Fool” at least tried to have a meaning.

    I just don’t like “Octopus”. The song wants to be a kiddie-tune followup to “Yellow Submarine” but it sounds too calculated of an effort. The goofball humor and charm of “Submarine” didn’t carry over so the results are cold and insincere. I hear desperation creeping in when Ringo sings “we can be so happy..” over a mindlessly-pounding jangly piano.

    I rather like “Long, Long, Long”. Not only does it make for a nice breather after the brutal pounding of “Helter Skelter”, but the song has a gentle, atmospheric feel to it. As you say, Ringo does some fine drumming on it, but I also like George’s weirdly-effected voice and the slighty woozy-sounding organ that underpins the song.

  7. Ringo is only as good as the songs he has to sing. I think he does fine on the following…

    Yellow Submarine
    With a Little Help From My Friends
    What Goes On
    Act Naturally
    Boys
    Matchbox
    Honey Don’t

  8. BigSteve

    Only ten? Easy:

    Yesterday
    Michelle
    When I’m 64
    She’s Leaving Home
    Your Mother Would Know
    Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
    Rocky Raccoon
    Birthday
    Honey Pie
    Maxwell’s Silver Hammer

    Throw in Let It Be and Long & Winding Road as bonus tracks.

  9. tonyola

    Every single one a Paul song. Coincidence or conspiracy?

  10. jeangray

    I have listened to so much Beatles, that I have completely lost my objectivity. Just about everything off of the #1’s album makes my skin crawl now. But I still think they are the greatest R-n-R band of all-time. I’m paradoxical like that.

  11. BigSteve

    Oh, was there a pattern?

  12. saturnismine

    There are only three Georgie’s on my list! That’s as many as there are of John’s or Paul’s. In fact, I don’t meet the 10 song requirement. We’ll throw in “Maxwell’s…” for a complete round of ten.

    I like George just fine. His songs that swing for the fences (WWY and LTY) are particularly hard for me, however.

    On the other hand, I think “If I Needed Someone” is one of my favorite Beatles songs of all (and yes, I’m aware of its status as a Byrds derivative, but I’m not grading these things on context).

  13. saturnismine

    After responding to your album, where i note the bridge and the excellent drumming of Long Long Long, I should probably reconsider it.

    To my ears, that song sounds like the bridge came first and was too good to throw out, so he wrote a song around it. The verses are flat, muttered, even blatantly timid sounding.

    We agree on “Fool on the Hill” and “Maxwell’s…”. My goodness (shaking my head), I’ve never been at a point in my life when whatever glory those songs might have to offer suddenly revealed itself to me.

    I don’t judge “Don’t Let Me Down” (or any of these songs) on the quality of their performances or their sequence on their album’s (Long Long Long’s status as a “nice breather” after Helter Skelter is certainly one of its strengths, but not one of its wholly intrinsic strengths).

    The performance of “Fool on the Hill” is spotless. But that didn’t sway either of us from labeling it a turd. So why should the sloppy performance of what is, by your own admission, a good song, qualify it?

    But where “Don’t Let Me Down” is concerned, quality of performance is a nice tangent that I’m willing to join. Listen closely; it’s not the slopfest you say, especially on one specific point; I’ve listened to the Hey Jude LP release, the Glyn Johns Get Back version, and the Let it Be Naked version just now, and nobody’s stumbling around for a downbeat. You’ve done this before, haven’t you (weren’t you the one who claimed that the live version of “Coming Up” contained horns struggling to keep up? And didn’t a close listen to that reveal spot on horn playing? Don’t make shit up, Tone!).

    In fact, one of that song’s major achievements is its ability to create a strung out, loose atmosphere out of a performance of right notes. If you think it’s a bad performance, try covering it and playing it the way they do. It’s almost impossible to do if you follow your own rote muscle memory habits of playing.

    In the end, If you hate it, you hate it. That’s reason enough for you to put it on your list.

    I think BigSteve’s list contains at least half debatable songs, but what the hey? It’s *his* list and he’s entitled.

  14. tonyola

    I just listened to “Don’t Let Me Down” again and it’s still clumsy as hell. Listen to the mess at 1:56 in the included clip. That’s what I mean by stumbling. Please don’t tell me that was planned. Perhaps that appeals to you, but I don’t like it. It’s hard to cover because it’s difficult to exactly reproduce a bad performance – one tends to make it bad in a different way. I stand by my criticisms (and of “Coming Up”, too).
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o-uL6mzVrI

  15. saturnismine

    I was taking issue with your claim that there is “stumbling around for a center or downbeat.”

    What you’ve provided is a wrong note.

    Moving target much?

    It’s clammy, for sure, but it almost sounds like a flourish, a run of the fingers down the keyboard. And passes quickly and without incident.

    To quote myself from last night: that’s the best you can do?

    And please point to the part of my post where I claimed that any of the mistakes on any of these takes are “planned.” That wasn’t my point, and I’m sure you know that.

    Again: you admit it’s a good song. I’m gently asking a harmless question: is this one Preston fluff, which doesn’t botch the song, enough to place it alongside the likes of “Octopus’s Garden” on an album of Beatle duds?

    If you’d like to point to the part of the live release of Coming Up where the horns lose the beat, go for it.

  16. hrrundivbakshi

    I should be clear: if possible, leave your “I’m so sick of that song, I can’t listen to it anymore” biases at the door. I’m looking for songs you couldn’t recommend to anybody — including people who’d never heard them before.

    Things are hopping at work, so I’ll have to post my Brown Album trackkksss later. But I’m having a great time reading yours. Keep ’em coming!

  17. tonyola

    I said “might have been a good song”. That’s not the same thing, is it? Potential does not equal actual. 2:39 – The bass and Ringo hit at different points. Sounds like stumbling to me even if it’s deliberate. I’m not going to flog the dead horse anymore over minutiae. “Don’t Let Me Down” is lousy – the end.

  18. tonyola

    “And please point to the part of my post where I claimed that any of the mistakes on any of these takes are “planned.””

    I never said that you claimed such a thing. You’ve been twisting things I’ve said into negatives (or false positives) for a while now. This is another reason why I’m not going to argue anymore.

  19. shawnkilroy

    The Long & Winding Road
    Why Don’t We Do it in the Road
    Hello Goodbye
    She Loves You
    P.S. I Love You
    Obladi obla da
    Wild Honey Pie
    Good Night
    One After 909
    Maggie Mae

  20. saturnismine

    Now I know why before I jumped back into the fray, I was reading all these posts by EPG telling you to calm down.

    It’s all good, Tone, it really is.

    I was just trying to understand why you included “Don’t Let Me Down” in your list.

    It seems that the more I ask, the more irritated you get as we find that a., you’re making mountains out of molehills, and b., you can’t really substantiate your own reasons.

    By even the most uptight standards, what you called a “mess” at 1:56 is hardly that.

    And this new clam you’ve found at 2:39 is the kind of thing that appears on lots of great recordings by lots of bands from that period and earlier.

    And so when push has come to shove, you revert back to proclaiming universals: “Don’t Let me Down is lousy: the end.”

    I apologize for thinking that your comment, “Please don’t tell me that was planned,” meant you thought I was arguing as much. It sure sounded like that’s what you were suggesting, however.

    I also apologize for missing the important distinction between your claiming it was a good song and your claiming that it might have been a good song. My bad.

    Relax.

    Don’t do it.

  21. saturnismine

    Wow. “She Loves You,” huh?

    this is the part where you’re supposed to reply by saying…..

    I think we’re reaching universal consensus on Good Night.

  22. bostonhistorian

    Why would I need to assemble an album when I have the entire White Album already put together for me? The only problem is that it’s already been released, so I’ll take off Helter Skelter and add Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. There. Done and done.

  23. saturnismine

    woah, dude….that’s cold!

  24. shawnkilroy

    Prince Nez: Maxwell’s Silver Hammer is on Abbey Road

  25. pudman13

    I’m not sure it’s fair to list cover versions, because there are easily a whole album’s worth of those I could live without, but if I have to pick actual originals:

    What Goes On (easily my least favorite Beatles song)
    Run for Your Life (musically fine, but lyrically appalling)
    Little Child
    When I Get Home
    I Need You
    You Like Me too Much
    Good Night
    Only A Northern Song
    Octopus’s Garden
    One After 909
    For you Blue
    Long And Winding Road
    I’ll Get You

    By the way, all the Paul-bashing in this thread is really hanking me off.

  26. I’m both surprised and somewhat pleased that no-one has yet mentioned the perennial favorite of Worst Beatle Song lists – “Mr. Moonlight”. That shows good judgement and taste on the part of the commentariat.

  27. For the record, EPG had flung personal insults at me. It was uncalled for.

  28. BigSteve

    And to answer hvb, I would never listen to these songs, and I actively dislike them. I don’t recommend them to anybody. And I forgot Why Don’t We Do It in the Road.

  29. saturnismine

    I thought of Mr. Moonlight, and RTH’s recent parsing of that song!

    Didn’t want to go there….

  30. bostonhistorian

    I had to change the official White Album release to qualify it as “suckiest Beatles album to never be released”, hence the addition of an Abbey Road track.

  31. bostonhistorian

    And yes, I could have just taken off Helter Skelter, but there is a special place in hell reserved for Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.

  32. saturnismine

    I think bostonhistorian was saying that in order to make the White Album a complete turd, all he’d have to do is delete “Helter Skelter,” and add Abbey Road’s “Maxwell’s…”

  33. saturnismine

    It’s clear.

    And in this way, Tone’s suggestion of “Don’t Let Me Down” is solid, because there are probably a lot of people out there who would listen to that and say “THIS sloppy performance is by the so-called Greatest Band in History?”

  34. saturnismine

    And its pince nez, not Prince nez.

    I’m Pince nezzing your Prince nez, dude.

  35. mockcarr

    I’m doing 11 since this is a US release.

    P.S. I Love You
    Ask Me Why
    A Taste Of Honey
    Chains
    Mr. Moonlight
    Within You Without You
    Honey Pie
    Revolution 9
    Good Night
    For You Blue
    Dig It

  36. Yeah, I can’t see “She Loves You” being on too many Worst lists.

  37. saturnismine

    But “Why don’t we do it in the Road” sounds good.

    And if it sounds good….

  38. “Mr. Moonlight”, huh? And only 14 minutes after my post about it. Oh, well.

  39. mockcarr

    Mr. Moonlight, go away please…

  40. mockcarr

    I was looking through a list to make sure I really didn’t want to put One After 909 on there.

  41. mockcarr

    The bass redeems that song for me. It’s not one of their best, but Paul’s work is great.

  42. misterioso

    Ok, this list made without looking at anyone else’s so as to be pure and uninfluenced. I note that there is only one John song (since I omitted Rev. #9 from consideration as a non-song) and nothing from George. Sorry, Paul & Ringo!

    1. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
    2. Mr. Moonlight
    3. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
    4. Act Naturally
    5. Hold Me Tight
    6. Till There Was You
    7. What Goes On
    8. A Taste of Honey
    9. Wild Honey Pie
    10. Octopus’ Garden

    I should add that I am fairly tolerant of most of these and perhaps only Maxwell truly raises my ire, though Hold Me Tight is dreadful, just not truly annoying. The Ringo tunes are almost totally inoffensive, but if pushed, these are what I come up with.

  43. saturnismine

    Yeah…and of course, the Hendrix-y riff is nice, too.

  44. bostonhistorian

    The White Album is Willie Mays playing for the 1973 Mets.

  45. mockcarr

    I might be the only one who likes Octopus’ Garden. I like the guitar solo and underwater backing vocals.

  46. misterioso

    I gather sitars get your undies in a bunch, but Long Long Long is a gorgeous song.

  47. mockcarr

    I think Trollyvox once took me to task for dissing Hold Me TIght. Ugh, the “you you you” stuff is bad, but I believe it’s worse in P.S. I Love You.

  48. misterioso

    tony, Run for Your Life might have made my list but Don’t Let Me Down? I am stunned. And shocked. Shocked and stunned.

  49. mockcarr

    Ah, it’s more the 1973 A’s. Lots of characters who aren’t all good players, who don’t get along, but win out in the end.

  50. misterioso

    This is priceless stuff, you two! Gotta say I am squarely on planet saturnismine regarding Don’t Let Me Down. I mean, c’mon: There’s a duff note at 1:39!!! Oh, the pain of it all!! Make it stop!!!!! Funny stuff. High fives all around.

  51. I knew my inclusion of “Don’t Let Me Down” would be controversial and I almost left it off my list because of that. For 40 years, I’ve really tried to like the song and I just can’t do it. Also, for 40 years, I’ve had to defend my dislike of it against a barrage of righteous indignation by fans of the song. Maybe that’s why I just don’t care to go on anymore about it. It’s my judgement and to change it or water it down would be dishonest to myself.

  52. misterioso

    Right, “Prince-nez” are what you don when you point out that “The Gold Experience” is an album by [unpronounceable symbol], not by Prince.

  53. misterioso

    The you you you business is annoying, but the whole rushed, pseudo-exciting backing AND vocal crushes the song, which clearly was not going to be a world-beater under the best circumstances.

  54. mockcarr

    Wow, that’s a conversation starter.I love the energy of that song and I’d have a hard time leaving She Loves You off my platinum album, or whatever the opposite of this would be.

  55. mockcarr

    Wasn’t he the guy who was in that 70s sitcom Chico and the Man with Jack Albertson?

  56. shawnkilroy

    shat’num.

  57. mockcarr

    Yeah, that wall o’ beatle is used to annoying effect here. Usually, one of the things I like best about a Beatle song is the sound of their voices in unison

  58. shawnkilroy

    you guys rule.

  59. Naw, you’re thinking of the young rapper guy who did that cute “Parents Just Don’t Understand” video in the late ’80s.

  60. misterioso

    Little Child, duly noted. Pretty darn weak. Not a lot better than Hold Me Tight, but not as flagrantly sucky. How is it that I love With the Beatles but have little use for Till There Was You, Hold Me Tight, and Little Child? I Wanna Be Your Man isn’t exactly priceless either. I will have to think deeply on this issue.

  61. misterioso

    This discussion has really turned me around: Jesus, the Beatles are awful! What the hell have I been on all these years that I thought they were any good?

  62. saturnismine

    The guitar solo (and those backing vocals!!) are what I had in mind when I decided not to put it on my list. No lie.

  63. misterioso

    It’s not bad by any means. It has some nice touches, as you note. Hard not to think, though, of some of the great songs that could have been in its place.

  64. Next we’ll discuss why JS Bach was such a cheeseball sellout. Why, he worked on commission for rich people! What a moneygrubbing slut!

  65. saturnismine

    If I’m not mistaken, T-vox had a boner for that song because he thought it started right with the chorus. He was on a jag whereby almost any song that started with the chorus was arbitrarily great for that reason and that reason alone. It’s a songwriter thing, I imagine.

    But then I pointed out that the part that starts the song (“feels so right now hoooold…metiiiight.”) isn’t the chorus. The chorus goes “Hold (hold) me tight (me tight) tonight (tonight) tonight (tonight)…” and then all those “you’s” come in.

    Pace T-vox, however, it is kinda cool how that song starts. It’s like someone opened a door and the Beatles were in mid-jam. They sound like they’re chugging full bore right at the very start.

  66. mockcarr

    Amusing.

  67. misterioso

    With an emphasis on “bore” for this one, though.

  68. mockcarr

    I think my beef was the riff sounded too much like I Saw Her Standing There to me, and I guess no one else agreed, but it’s not really something worth defending. I don’t skip over it or anything, it just seemed like it was cut where I felt like they’d already done the feel better before and were trying to hit that prior’s songs vibe again, where the Beatles usually pretty good about not repeating themselves that directly. The song does SOUND good, though…

  69. mockcarr

    And all that nepotism with his offspring. You can populate a week of classical programming with his progeny!

  70. misterioso

    True. Toccata and fugue this, pal.

  71. saturnismine

    It was probably deliberately like “I saw her standing there.” That Paul…he’s always got a commercial angle…always thinkin’. He’s a slick one.

  72. I don’t know if HVB corrected anyone, but if the tracks required the participation of at least half the Beatles, meaning 2 of the 4 members, that rules out some selections I’ve seen listed, such as the George Indian tunes, Wild Honey Pie, and Yesterday. I don’t know if Goodnight was suggested, but that’s also a 1-Beatle recording.

    Here’s my 10 selections for The Worst of The Beatles, in suggested sequence:

    Side 1
    1. She’s a Woman
    2. Kansas City/Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey
    3. Run for Your Life
    4. Blackbird Why Don’t We Do It in the Road I Me Mine
    5. Revolution #9

    Side 2
    1. The Word
    2. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
    3. Octopus’s Garden
    4. Rocky Raccoon
    5. Long Tall Sally

  73. “Good Night” is NOT eligible for this collection. Come on, hrrundi, you need to police your thread!

  74. misterioso

    True, I simply ignored that criterion. As did you: see “Blackbird,” which is Paul only, no? Funny, I know lots of people who love Kansas City/Hey Hey Hey. I think it is only so-so. Whereas Long Tall Sally might be my favorite Beatles cover tune: absolutely smoking.

  75. And I am TRULY SORRY for overlooking the fact that “Blackbird” is a one-man turd. Thanks for calling bullshit on me, misterioso. Where’s HVB to police this thread?

    I’ll replace “Blackbird” with “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road.” I just checked and forgot that Ringo wasn’t able to come up with an excuse to miss that session.

  76. Gonna try and avoid the ones that have gotten the most mention already. (But I will be repeating some earlier entries.)

    1. Ask Me Why
    2. PS I Love You
    3. Do You Want to Know a Secret
    4. Little Child
    5. Hold Me Tight
    6. Devil in Her Heart
    7. You Like Me Too Much
    8. All Together Now
    9. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
    10. The Long and Winding Road

    This was tough. I don’t know what you guys are talking about — this band’s pretty good, if you ask me.

    Eagerly awaiting Alexmagic’s contribution to this thread

  77. mockcarr

    That’s just Paul too. Try again.

  78. alexmagic

    I’ll play. I don’t hate any of these or think they’re junk, but I’ll call it a list of the 10 Most Inessential:

    1. A Taste of Honey (Least Essential Beatle Song)
    2. When I Get Home (Worst Original Beatle Song)
    3. I Wanna Be Your Man
    4. Within You Without You
    5. Words of Love
    6. You Like Me Too Much
    7. Long Tall Sally
    8. Dizzy Miss Lizzy

    My required controversial 9th and 10th selections:
    9. Love Me Do
    10. Doctor Robert

  79. misterioso

    Yeah, I thought so too, but I don’t have my handy reference library with me to confirm it.

  80. Why Don’t We Do It in the Road is disqualified as Paul is the only who plays on it. Actually, the fact that he went across the hall to a different studio room to do it while another Beatle was laying down a part was the source of much friction.

  81. According to Wikipedia, which is ALWAYS right, Ringo played drums on the final version. I would glady be wrong – and apologize – if I am indeed wrong. Meanwhile, where’s HVB to police these entries? I’ll see if I can pull out my Lewisohn book and then suggest another 10th song, if need be. It begins to get hard for me to suggest a real stinker according to hrrundi’s guidelines, at this point.

  82. Totally disagree. Well, Till There Was You is pretty schmaltzy.

  83. mockcarr

    Ok, after reading the destructions, and without the benefit of clumsy cover songs – these ten:

    P.S. I Love You
    Ask Me Why
    It’s Only Love
    All Together Now
    Blue Jay Way
    Don’t Pass Me By
    Honey Pie
    For You Blue
    Dig It
    One After 909

  84. Hey, I just think Hold Me Tight rocks and is a total chugging blast.

  85. hrrundivbakshi

    Thank goodness SOMEBODY called out that “Dr. Robert” turd.

  86. saturnismine

    T-vox comes alive!

    I knew you’d get on here if I name-checked ya.

    I’m not above cranking Hold Me Tight and shimmying around the house.

    It ain’t on my list.

    No sir.

  87. saturnismine

    the rule that all four have to be on the tune is bullshit.

    if they put it out under the Beatles name, that’s good enough for me.

  88. With the German True Stereo evidence provided in these hallowed halls a few years ago I can’t believe ANYBODY would select a song from Magical Mystery Tour.

    Actually, am I the only Townsperson who digs “Blue Jay Way”?

  89. mockcarr

    It had to be overdubs then, because the legend was he did it himself.

  90. Where’s HVB to call bullshit on sat’s incorrect call of bullshit? The rule is that “at least half” the band must be on the track. That’s a rule, man. I didn’t make the rules. I don’t know why I have to take any heat for enforcing them.

  91. misterioso

    Yes, it would definitely be a solid lp track–on a Gerry and the Pacemakers album.

  92. To be safe I just updated my list with “I Me Mine,” a song that’s almost good but loses me at a few points too many.

  93. Good Night
    Love Me Do
    Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
    Mr. Moonlight
    Octopus’s Garden
    Revolution 9
    Rocky Raccoon
    She’s a Woman
    The Fool on the Hill
    The Long and Winding Road

    Bonus tracks:

    Baby’s in Black
    Do You Want to Know a Secret
    Doctor Robert
    P.S. I Love You
    The Inner Light
    Thank You Girl

  94. For including “She’s a Woman,” tvox, I’m going to let HVB do his job in ruling out one of your suggestions:)

  95. Dr. Robert was really close to making the list, but I think the bridge is decent and the production is top notch. It’s boring, but there’s not much cringe-worthy in in besides the lyrical conceit.

  96. misterioso

    [To be spoken in the half-crazed voice of Humphrey Bogart as Fred C. Dobbs in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.] May I throw out there that everyone who doesn’t agree entirely with me on this topic is out of their freakin’ mind? And, yeah, that means you. And you. You’re the problem. Not me. I’m the sane one. Got it?

  97. I Me Mine. Right! That should’ve made my list.

  98. saturnismine

    no heat for you, dude.

    even if it’s at least half, it’s a still bullshit rule.

    i’ll say it again: if they put it out under the Beatles name, that should be enough. it’s released as a beatles tune. basta.

  99. alexmagic

    Doctor Robert seems like it has all the potential to be a winner, but it never makes it.

    I don’t know if it was lack of energy or inspiration or what, but it always comes off as a good idea with a half-assed execution to me, especially in the shadow of “She Said She Said” and “Tomorrow Never Knows”. Agreed that the bridge is the best part, but it feels like a lesser recycling of what they’d already done on “The Word” without the energy, all-in dedication and far superior vocal performances that make that one work.

  100. I totally have your back on Blue Jay Way, Mod. Creepy and lysergic in all the right ways.

  101. saturnismine

    Baby’s in Black is a home run to my ears. The “oh how long willittake?” harmonies soar!

  102. alexmagic

    Count me as another fan of Hold Me Tight, especially the part where it sounds like everyone but Paul drops out and is maybe stomping along.

  103. alexmagic

    Yeah, I was on board as a strong, strong supporter of Blue Jay Way back during the German Experience. One of George’s best Beatles contributions, in my opinion.

  104. Yeah, the bridge saves that incredibly slight song – the bridge and thoughts of all those Swingin’ Sixties asses getting stuck with “vitamin” shots.

  105. pudman13

    Are you out of your cotton-picking mind? “Blackbird” is one of the greatest songs the Beatles, or anyone, ever did. Egads…I can live with the “She Love You” bashing before I can take this. I never thought I’d see that one in this thread.

  106. saturnismine

    Just a general comment:

    With all due respect to the below named, I don’t think the lists by Alex (whom I consider a real kindred spirit), T-vox, or Oats would convince *anyone* that the band in question sucks.

    I really don’t.

    Re. this bullshit “must have half the guys in the band on it” rule: that eliminates more entries than you’d think. Namely, among the most hated thus far are Rev. #9 — which was put together by John and Yoko, who don’t actually *play* anything, and with no input from the rest — and Good Night, which I think features strings and Ringo, but nobody else.

    Again, it says “beatles” on the label bearing these songs. If they were allowed release on Beatles albums as Beatles songs, they should be allowed inclusion on an album designed to convince an imagined listener that the Beatles sucked.

    Am I annoying you yet, HVB?

  107. pudman13

    In my disgust, I managed some pretty wacked out typos there. Why doesn’t Rock Town Hall have an edit function?

  108. saturnismine

    I am, indeed, the problem. Always have been.

  109. alexmagic

    Agreed on Baby’s In black, sat, especially on that part in particular. I also kind of love it as the lyrical inversion of Yes It Is.

  110. misterioso

    Ah, and I thought you were the Walrus.

  111. saturnismine

    No, man…I dig sitars. But both of those songs are tedious to me. Especially Love to You. My inner listener is like “man…when the hell is this thing gonna be OVER??”

    As for Long Long Long, yeah…I hear ya…I said I love the bridge and the drumming, didn’t I? But dude, those verses? the first time I heard it I was like…”is there a song playing?” Sooo timid. What the hell IS that, anyway?

  112. misterioso

    sat, even though you are a madman, you are right on this and the rule can and should be ignored. Also, to pull out the pince-nez, George is audible during portions of Revolution #9 which, of course, is not exactly the same as taking part in its recording.

  113. George’s voice is heard talking during #9, so that song qualifies.

  114. alexmagic

    I say if somebody wants to include Revolution 9 and still play by the specific rules laid out, they would have a free pass thanks to the financial imbalance/el dorado/the watusi/the twist section when George shows up. Boom, two Beatles.

    I don’t deny that mine would be able to convince anyone not already predisposed to think they suck to do so, but I also think it’s impossible for anyone not already predisposed to think the Beatles suck to think the Beatles suck by hearing their music, so I took that as a moot point.

    I intentionally didn’t include anything like Wild Honey Pie – which I actually kinda love for the same reason I love Why Don’t We Do It In The Road, because it sounds kind of amazing – because it’s so short and serves a particular purpose in structuring the album. How bad can something that short and that weird be?

    So I went for all choices of songs that either end up failing for what they seemed to have been going for, are lesser versions of vastly superior songs you can get elsewhere in their catalog or middling efforts that aren’t saved by some outstanding John, Paul or John and Paul vocals.

  115. I fixed your typo, pudman13. No, I wasn’t kidding. “Blackbird” is such a candyass and unnecessary attempt at getting laid. I don’t care about the touching backstory of the song’s Civil Rights stance. Paul was trying to impress a bird. Any guy who’s taken the time to learn that song is trying to impress a bird. I’ve got nothing against anyone impressing anybody, but I find that song more smug than all of Paul’s Songs-to-Me-Auntie numbers combined.

    So, did it work?

    (All in fun, my friend – I’m sure you know that. I just don’t like the song, and I’ve never liked how inadequate and awkward a human being it makes me feel.)

  116. misterioso

    Yes, I had not seen your partial recantation on Long Long Long when I wrote that. No question, it is a strange song, but I find it a very powerful one. Incidentally, I read somewhere once that it basically cops the chord progression from Dylan’s Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands–can someone assess this for me?

  117. saturnismine

    Thanks for the support, dude.

  118. Agreed, that’s a fantastic part in an otherwise plodding song.

  119. BigSteve

    Jesus, what’s wrong with Kansas City? I know this is like the Standells/Dirty Water discussion. You just hate it because it’s played whenever the Royals win a home game, and your loathing for the Royals has clouded your judgement. Come on, the Royals don’t win often for this to be an issue.

  120. BigSteve

    Moi aussi.

  121. I just don’t like the Beatles’ cover of it. It’s beneath them. It brings out stuff in Paul I don’t like. That’s all. The song itself isn’t too bad. And remember: I’m the guy who wants to legislate rebuilding the Royals and Pirates to their ’70s-era spendor.

  122. saturnismine

    wow…what does George say?

    You know, this revelation reinstates what I thought was one of my teen misperceptions about rev 9. Namely that I could hear Beatle voices on it. I guess I really could.

  123. misterioso

    Very sensible criteria. And I agree with some of your choices. It is true, for example, that When I Get Home is pretty formulaic: I wouldn’t list it because enthusiasm, in this case, and a good middle eight carry the day and it functions acceptably in context.

    Now, I am curious, though: where does Long Tall Sally fail? Obviously it is trying to invoke or recreate the wacked-out essence of Little Richard, which I would say it does and then some, complete with wonderful, sloppy lead guitar. The only odd element is the very “proper” piano playing–which if I remember correctly is George Martin rather than Paul.

  124. So I went for all choices of songs that either end up failing for what they seemed to have been going for, are lesser versions of vastly superior songs you can get elsewhere in their catalog or middling efforts that aren’t saved by some outstanding John, Paul or John and Paul vocals.

    This was sorta my rule of thumb too,

    I love The White Album for its messy sprawl, so I feel even the two Honey Pies have their place. And I didn’t include any Ringo songs, because I feel all Ringo songs fulfill the obligation to be adequately… uh, Ringo-like. No Ringo song fails at that task. Conversely, “You Like Me Too Much” is George failing at being ’65-George, which is one of the best Georges.

    I acknowledge that my album may not be bad enough, although I do pretty much dislike all those songs.

  125. saturnismine

    you make some really good points, alex.

  126. tonyola

    “Blue Jay Way” is OK in my book, though not George’s best. My biggest problem is the interminable “don’t be long” ending cycle which he repeats three times.

  127. saturnismine

    has anyone ever heard a more confident delivery of an awkward lyric than the part where john punches the lights out of the phrase “love her til the cows come home?”

  128. pudman13

    I don’t think Paul had to write a song to get laid. I don’t think anyone ever had an easier time of it, wouldn’t you think? But we all have our tastes. I can see why, for example, “She’s Leaving Home” is on so many people’s list, for the same reason I’d put “A Man Needs A Maid” on my “worst of Neil Young” list, but I have to say I’ve always been a sucker for McCartney’s songs about ordinary women leading ordinary lives. There’s something so much more real and non-exploitive about the above songs, and “Eleanor Rigby” and “Another Day” and “Lady Madonna,” to name a few, than male rockers’ ham-handed attempts at feminism or whatever (yes, I’m looking at you, John Lennon). I not only love those songs; I give him a pass on his hokey family stuff because I really do think it’s coming from somewhere real. Anyway, lyrical sentiment aside, I think “Blackbird” is utterly beautiful, and it’s a heck of a fun song to play on the guitar too (I learned it only to impress myself). btw, I don’t know about anyone else, but when I learned the guitar I sure didn’t see the girls flocking to my side… As an aside, after years of looking for it, I finally saw DEEP END, which contained lots of nude Jane Asher. I always wondered how those who thought of her as Britain’s sweetheart thought about this fall from grace.

  129. saturnismine

    The Walrus was that fat, temperamental, annoying 1980s golfer with a walrus moustache. You know the guy, he overtook Tom Watson at the top of the money earnings list for a short time, while winning angrily.

    What was his name?

    Craig Stadler?

    Yeah..him. He was the walrus.

  130. saturnismine

    Ohhh…alex figures it out below: it’s the ‘watusi’ sequence. aha…

  131. misterioso