Feb 212015

Supporters of GIRL POWER, Scarlett Johansson is on your side! Johansson, one of the Haim sisters, and 3 other “girls” have formed The Singles. They’re a “girl group,” made entirely of “girls.” This is so cool! Check it out!

“The idea was to write super-pop dance music written and performed by girls. I love Grimes. And I love the Bangles. And I love the Go-Go’s. I wanted it to be like those bands: ultra pop but also a little ironic, a little in on the joke.”

What, exactly, is the joke, that Johansson is continuing to pretend anyone has any interest in her music, that “girls” can make music in 2015, that the Go-Go’s and the Bangles were nothing but joke bands?

I’m sorry, after a promising start as the dumb, but sexy second banana in the amazing Ghost World, ScarJo has nothing to offer me but an eventual Academy Award-grabbing nude scene when she reaches the age of 42, or as YouTube commentator MusicJverstra put it more succinctly: “Good Scarlett. Now show us your tits!”

Sorry if I’ve offended, but can we live long enough to see all “girls” take themselves seriously enough to simply start a group rather than drag up the low expectations of presenting themselves as a “girl group?” Sleater-Kinney has never stooped to that. They kick ass, and not “…for girls.” As a guy (and one old enough to be their dad) I’m sure “girls” don’t appreciate me telling them how to present their groups, but I will nevertheless strongly recommend that these young women who happen to be in bands lacking men drop the false humility and apologies of playing in a “girl group” and just make whatever music it is they’re making without dragging other women artists down with them. The Go-Go’s had a fun, “girly” image, but by all accounts they played and partied hard. The Bangles were a real, gritty band before some producer polished them up and helped them never have to worry about paying bills again (I hope). What I’ve seen of Grimes doesn’t make me think she’s some cutesy “girl” who’s playing at pop music while being in on the joke. That band Haim had a song from a year or two ago that I liked. It sounded like ’80s Fleetwood Mac, which may not be saying much, but it was a real song by a real group. Haim didn’t act like a second-rate, cute “girl group,” despite the fact that they’re cute and women young enough to be referred to as “girls.” Scarlett Johansson must be as dumb as the character she plays in Ghost World. If she looked like Mama Cass she wouldn’t be making movies or music. This “Candy” song sucks donkey dong, in my opinion, but not because it’s made by a quintet of “girls.”


  7 Responses to “Scarlett Johansson Raises the Question: What Is the Joke?”

  1. Mr. Mod, stop being polite – tell us what you really think!!

    My first thought when I saw the song title was that it was a remake of Bow Wow Wow’s I Want Candy. Would that it were so.

    It really is a dreadful song. So much so that it might explain them hiding behind whatever it is they think they are hiding behind by forming a “girl group”.

  2. 2000 Man

    I hated that, and I pretty much agree with what you said about it. Being all female was a thing for Fanny or The Runaways, but by now it should just be that they happen to be a band of women. Sleater-Kinney is a great example. When I hear their interviews I don’t hear that they’re trying to elevate women in music. I hear that they like what they do and they’re passionate about it. That’s good enough for me. It’s their primary job to be in that band, and other things have come from it, but I don’t see Carrie saying belittling things about actors.

    That song is such a bag of suck that maybe the only options Scarlett sees are to try to use a “we’re unique because we’re women” angle that worked forty years ago, or maybe she’s just as vapid as her song.

    In her defense as a person (certainly not as a musician, she fails miserably at that), a coworker was in Iraq long ago in the service and she came to a base and visited. She took pictures and signed autographs with every single serviceman or servicewoman that asked. My coworker said she probably put in an 18 hour day smiling and being nice. I certainly couldn’t do that, and he said she did it for a couple of weeks. So she’s generally okay, she just makes shitty music.

  3. Thanks for sharing that Good Egg story, 2K. I’ll cut her some slack as a human being – as if I really knew anything about her in the first place.

  4. That is a really disappointing song if you take her at her word that those bands were the influences — I guess Scarlett’s thing with Pete Yorn was met with a yawn, so here’s another thing to try. I would rather listen to Juliette and the Licks!

    But I don’t have to. Right now there are some artists like Lucius, Colleen Green, Hannah Georgas, and Haley Bonar, who are doing some really good stuff — some of it poppy fun but not calculating, insulting crap..

    This thread also comes at a time when I’ve been thinking about and listening to 80’s and 90s female-led rock bands ever since I heard Elastica’s “Connection” during as bumper music during the Super Bowl telecast. (I guess they liked the part that sounds like “boom” for Seattle’s Legion of Boom.)

    Then there’s the Sleater-Kinney reunion and the Babes In Toyland reunion — remember this from 120 Minutes?

    Even The Juliana Hatfield 3 has a new record out this month. There are lots of choices to wash that Candy song out of my ears.

  5. misterioso


  6. cliff sovinsanity

    Everything in this song sounds like something Tegan and Sara have already done better.

  7. right — forgot about that thread!

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