Feb 132009

Mention, yesterday, of Jonathan Richman‘s disregard for the great Modern Lovers album that John Cale produced made me think of this most juvenile thread: What talented rock artist would you most like to give a wedgie? For me it’s Richman. Once he ditched the straight-edge VU sound of his early recordings and got into all that cutsie thumb-sucking music, I’m ready to yank up his briefs and see if I can’t get the elastic up to his shoulders. How about you? I know most of you are a lot nicer than I am, but what talented rock artist would you most like to give a wedgie? (It’s gotta be someone who’s produced a record or two that you love and at one time put a lot of stock in – not some band like Journey, unless you ever loved anything by them and are willing to admit that.)


  38 Responses to “Talented Rock Artist You’d Most Like to Give a Wedgie”

  1. Henry Rollins. He’s always struck me as a bully and a jock dressed up as something else. It would be nice to see some karma in action.

  2. Let me clarify, I’d most like to hire someone to give him a wedgie.

  3. I like Journey, at least their pop singles. They were my favorite band when I was in 6th grade and now my wife likes them. We went to see them two years ago and they did a hell of a show.

    Wedgie for any artist that started in the 80’s or erlier and then added trip-hop drums in the 1990s (David Bowie, Axl Rose)

  4. Howareyaahhh!!! cdm, That, my friend, is a good one! “Hire someone…”,Heh,heh,heh.
    I agree that ol’ Mr. Hankie kind of personified all the things I HATED about hardcore, & in turn, the trickle down (or was it up, like rising damp) effect that the “jockification” of punk had on male behavior in concert settings. I remember seeing Elvis Costello on the tour for ‘Imperial Bedroom’, and THE DUDES were MOSHING! This wasn’t just when the band played fast numbers, either. It was going on during stuff like “Town Crier”. F-ing ridiculous! And I blame Rollins. First for helping to attract sociopathic jocks to the punk scene, but also for how that later came to influence what muscled young dudes perceived as acceptable behavior at any public event. Yes, I would like Rollins to be the centerpiece in the scene where all the smaller kids gang up on the bully and pay him back for his crimes against them.
    jungleland, All I can say is that I’m really sorry. To have to go through life actually wanting to hear “Wheel in the Sky” & “Loving, Touching, Squeezing” is a burden I just wouldn’t have the intestinal fortitude to take on. In a strange way, I respect you for it, though I would NOT want to be within 50 miles of earshot, when the deal goes down. I’m just not strong enough.
    To get back to the original subject, I’ll have to pull out that ol’ dead horse, Rod Stewart, & flog him some more. I know it’s been a subject that’s been raked over more times than a front lawn, but Rod just never fails to irk me with his chowder-headed choices in artistic direction, & yes, all together now, “HIS COMPLETE BETRAYAL OF THE TALENT THAT MADE HIM GREAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
    In the late 70s & throughout the 80s, Mod Rod disappointed w/ his degeneration from a great interpreter of contemporary song & the frontman for the best of the Stones-inspired sloppy, carousing rock bands, to a spandex-wrapped parody of a BIG TIME ROCK STAR, complete w/ all the odious trappings I’m sure we’re all too familiar with, & which I’d be pained to address once more in this forum.
    Then the 90s…Uh,…Hmm? I guess he was playing soccer (sorry, football) or something in the 90s.
    And now, in a new century, he comes back as…Tony Bennett? WTF? AND, people seem to be lapping it up. No matter (or perhaps, because of the fact), that most of his song choices have been covered to death already, his reinvention as an American Songbook – covering lounge lizard is, once again, taking the easiest possible way out. Yes, I would honestly like to hoist him up by his jock strap in the locker room after a game of footy, hang him on a towel hook, & shove copies of Every Picture Tells A Story & Ooh La La into his pinkie-ringed mitts.

  5. Actually, I think that I have to retract Henry Rollins because I’ve never liked his music either. I can’t start giving wedgies to everyone who’s music I don’t like. There’s just not enough hours in the day.

  6. One more thing about The Rodster. His absolutely glossed-to-a-high-sheen-&-vacuum-packed-for-your-protection cover of Tom Waits’ “Downtown Train”, & the fact that he had a hit with it (Hope Tom got some nice royalty checks outta that one), still pisses me off so much that I actually shake slightly in anger when hearing it, the last time being in the grocery store, as it was pumped over the Lite FM station the public address system was tuned to, between announcements for special savings in the ‘Genetically Altered Produce Section’ (“2 for 1 Chickencarrots, today only. They’re self-basting, folks!”). The fact that some overdressed, botoxed, desperate housewife-type was humming along as she passed me, nearly caused me to rip the box of shredded wheat I was holding in half.

  7. cdm, I get where you’re coming from & respect your stance, but I’d still leave him on the list, because of the reasons I mentioned previously, & because I do like some hardcore, Black Flag in particular. There’s good material on Damaged, I just wish it was one of the band’s earlier vocalists performing it. I think there’s a good reason most of the acting roles Rollins has been given feature him portraying cops!

  8. BigSteve

    Lou Reed for sure. And maybe Prince, but with Prince you’d run the risk that he might actually like it.

  9. BigSteve, You’re forgetting that The Purple One is now a god-fearing Jehovah’s Witness, & no longer worships at Eros’ alter of worldly pleasures. While his music of late isn’t much (actually, I’ve never liked the records that much, because they SOUND like a guy playing everything himself. It always came over better live), that Super Bowl 1/2 time performance I witnessed a couple of years ago proved that he still could really bring it when it came to the live.
    As for Lou, I don’t care much for what I’ve heard since Magic & Loss, but at least he appears to still be trying, and actually applying his faculties to the projects he’s working on. And while the results may not be as satisfying to some of us, I would think it’s a good way for a lifer like him to stave off petrification. Also, when he revisits old material, I still find it interesting & entertaining (i.e. the performances of the Berlin album & Metal Machine Music). I’d rather have given him a wedgie back in the mid-eighties, when he kicked Quine out of his band & released a string of mainly inconsequential material until the New York album. This is ALL immaterial though, if you just want to give him the wedgie for his solo career in general. If that’s the case…never mind.

  10. BigSteve

    One thing about Rod and Downtown Train is that it’s hard to argue against him basically delivering buckets of money to Waits’ house. The mere fact that Rod recognized a great song, and the same goes for Some Guys Have All the Luck, would seem to indicate that he still retains some vestige of his mojo. Unfortunately he no longer has the ability to bring anything to these songs. And so he just … what’s the exact opposite of polishing a turd? That’s what he does.

  11. saturnismine

    Well, this thread’s a no-brainer, because anybody with longevity has had their wedgy worthy tumbles from grace.

    So I’ll just go for the grandaddy of them all:

    I’d want to give Jimmy Page a wedgie. What’s he done since Bonham died? One shitty “supergroup,” that Honeydrippers thing (which was probably a line of blow, a couple of overdubs, and “seeya!”) and twenty-plus years of milking the legend.

    In that time, he should’ve been producing, exploring his own relationship to the guitar in a number of ways that his Zep oeuvre promises…he could have getting back to his roots for awhile, doing more soundtracks…his guest appearances are disappointing….

    of all the “genius” types floating around post-psychedelia, when rock became “art to be taken seriously,” there was a point in time from 70 to 75 when Zep was not only at its height, but he was flashing the potential to wind up doing all kinds of amazing things. instead, he has basically bowed to the monolith that is zep’s 11 year run. he could’ve done much more.

    what a waste.

    hey pagey…c’mere…turn around…what’s that on your back?….WEDGIE!!!!

  12. BigSteve

    Actually bobby, as a Townsman in all seriousness, I’m probably the biggest defender of solo Lou here. I think it’s often a good thing for an artist to be a pretentious, self-indulgent egomaniac (as long as I don’t have to hang with him). That doesn’t mean a wedgie wouldn’t do him good now and then.

  13. I’m with you on this, Big Steve. You gotta love Lou.

    My only thought after reading the post was in what bizarro universe did Journey ever do anything that could be loved?

  14. Prince Nez: The Honeydrippers were Plant’s in consequential solo flight, NOT Page’s

    That said, I couldn’t agree with you more. Perhaps he just has nothing new to offer.

  15. BigSteve, Good point. I’d also add Mike Love to the list for his mean-spirited, petty public outbursts concerning
    Brian &, especially, artists to whom he’s NOT related. Seems TM has really done HIM a lot of good, the egomaniacal boor. Let’s throw in a Purple Nurple for Cousin Mikey!

  16. saturnismine

    kilroy, how on earth could my description of Page’s involvement in the honeydrippers — a line of blow and a couple of guitar solos — make you think I thought the honeydrippers was page’s “vehicle?”

    the honeydrippers cover of “sea of love” features a page guitar solo. jeff beck played on ‘good rockin at midnight’ as well.

    pincenez pincenez.

  17. Hey, Bobby B. Welcome to Rock Town Hall. Word is that I know you from the past, and by another name. I might be misremembering this, but isn’t it possible that we were roommates for a few months in the early 1980s in DC?

    I’ve never loved Springsteen, but ever since his tricky “have it both ways” sleight of hand on “Born in the USA,” that guy has needed a wedgie every other day.

  18. mwall! HOWAAREYAA!!! Yes, the word on the street is true, rumors of my demise have been premature, & your memory serves you well, my friend. YES we were roommates for about 6 months in early-ish ’80s DC. Glad to hear from you, matey! Also, I agree with your assessment of Bruuuuce.

    It IS starting to seem as though saturn’s comments about this thread are dead on, & any artist with longevity is going to be a candidate for wedgie-dom. I suppose it comes with the territory. With that in mind, I’ll throw out a more recent performer, one I feel has critics drooling over her every croak; Cat Power, or Chan Marshall, or whatever name she’s going by this week.

    From her early onstage petulance, to her recent outings as an interpreter of other, more talented artists, I’ve gotta say that I just never rated her, esp. as a singer! She hardly has a voice at all! Seeing her perform live on ACL once, I was reminded of Marianne Faithfull’s disastrous SNL appearance at the height of her ’70s junkie-dom. It’s mostly a barely audible wheezing croak. So, that coupled with her periodic, hubris driven tantrums, I believe makes an ideal candidate to have her panties pulled up by either side of her hips & hung on her ears. At least most of the other people mentioned above took a few years before they began to believe their own hype. She was full of herself straight out of the gate.

  19. Oh, I just remembered the thread was titled “Talented” Rock Artist…, etc. Well, I supposed, due to my opinion of her in general, that would leave ‘The Catster’ ineligible for inclusion.

  20. pudman13

    As to Jonathan, that first MODERN LOVERS album, even though it’s more of a compilation than an album, is my favorite album of all time, and given the batch of unreleased songs and live recordings that have surfaced, I would guess that that version of the band had one more great album in them. Still, I think it’s best that Jonathan went in another direction, because further work in a similar style would probably have diluted the power of the singular achievement that remains.

    I generally don’t like his work since then (except for the first JR&TML album, which I still think is great), but I respect it as something genuine, and it’s obvious to me that it’s from the same unique mindset that created the music I love.

    As to him dissing it, what has he said? I find it really strange that “Pablo Picasso” is the song from that time period he has retained in his live set. The only explanation is that only the novelty song (“Pablo Picasso” is the only disposable song from that time period) fits with who he is now, and whatever stromng emotion and value system created the rest was that of a young man who has since grown into something else. I’d hope that he’s still proud of that young man, but life rarely works that way.

  21. “jungleland, All I can say is that I’m really sorry. To have to go through life actually wanting to hear “Wheel in the Sky” & “Loving, Touching, Squeezing” is a burden I just wouldn’t have the intestinal fortitude to take on. In a strange way, I respect you for it, though I would NOT want to be within 50 miles of earshot, when the deal goes down. I’m just not strong enough.”

    Actually it’s worse… I like the 80’s Jonathan Cain stuff (Faithfully, Separate Ways, Stone In Love)…please don’t take away my RTH membership card (or my Journey Escape CD…don’t make me choose!)

    I’m on board with the Rod Stewart Wedgie…if only ’cause he was SO DAMN GOOD in THREE formats (early Solo, Jeff Beck Group, Faces) and then fell to the depths of hell (“Do you Think I’m Sexy”, ” Love Touch”), tried to climb back (Unplugged) before turning into Tony Benett (Great American Songbook) and then a 70’s yacht-rock cover band (the crap he put out last)

  22. Aimee Mann. Girlfriend keeps making the same boring-ass album over and over. I don’t know of any artist whose fans seem so turned off – from cultish loyalty to not giving a shit any more.

  23. Michael Stipe, despite the hype…

  24. hrrundivbakshi

    Come ON, guys. Paul McCartney, hands down. (So to speak.) That guy doesn’t just deserve a rock wedgie — he NEEDS one.

  25. jungleland, Thanks for the back-up on Rod. I’ve got to admit, though, the other cat you mentioned in relation to my Journey comments; I have NO IDEA who that is, & can’t place those songs you mentioned at all! Shows how much I was paying attention to mainstream radio in those days, I guess. Was he some kind of hybrid of Aldo Nova & Peter Cetera, or something?
    Also, I’m glad someone brought up Aimee Mann. I’ve hated her ever since I was a spotty teen taking Saturday trips into Boston to buy records. She used to “work” at Newbury Comics, one of my regular stop overs. She acted like a bitch way back then, & her too-good-for-it-all attitude seems to have held up well into adulthood. At least that’s how her songs always struck me. Up with her pantaloons, I say!
    As far as Stipe goes, I never got what the big deal was with that guy. He too, never fails to make me yawn, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to give that guy a wedgie. He’s just too innocuous in my eyes.
    As far as Sir Paul goes; how DOES one perform an adequate wedgie on briefs spun from pure platinum?

  26. “Aimee Mann.”
    Pince Nez! I believe that is called a Melvin.

  27. dbuskirk

    I’m into all sort of moody and extroverted female acts but man, that Aimee Mann is an irksome sourpuss. I saw a little of this first hand when I worked for one of the few radio stations that has consistently supported her music, and still she was as impossible to placate as your teenage sister. Every interview I’ve ever seen since seems to capture her in the same mid-sulk. I think people that act like this in real life tend to get dumped on, if only because no one worries about ruining their day.

    I sometimes mix her up in my mind with the character Anne Carlisle played in LIQUID SKY. There’s a rock movie for you!


  28. dbuskirk, That’s my point exactly. Mann was acting that way before she was connected with anything more than a local Boston band called Baby Snakes (who went nowhere fast), I think. She would sit in that store w/her big hair, & her feet up & act as if you had just requested one of her kidneys if you asked to see a 45 on display on the wall behind her. God forbid you asked her a question about a release you were interested in (I learned quickly, & only asked one time). From all accounts, her petulant, bad attitude has been one thing that has remained with her, despite her success in the music biz. As far as I’m concerned, anyone responsible for the dullsville, almost instantly obsolescent, New Wave wank of ‘Voices Carry’ should have a tad more humility.

  29. I love Liquid Sky! We’re going to Berlin, baby.

    I’d say Liberty Devito, just because he wore that watch around his ankle. And Michael Jackson, but he’d probably like it. And David Sylvian, he just needs to loosen up and have some fun, that guy, and I say that as a fan. And Sly Stone, who should’ve had a massive wedgie come his way 40 years ago, now it’s just too late.

  30. cherg. Really? Sly deserved a wedgie in 1969? Geez, I thought he & The Family Stone were pretty happenin’ back in those days for a # of reasons, 1st of which being the funk they laid down! I can understand it for his later descension into a hopeless, useless junkie, but There’s A Riot Goin’ On, etc. from that period were pretty great albums.
    Forgive my considerable ignorance in certain areas, but who is Liberty Devito, Danny’s 1st wife?
    David Sylvian, from Japan? What’d you really expect outta him? I never expected too much from Japan, in the 1st place, except the urge to get out of earshot.

  31. 1. Okay, Sly should’ve had the wedgie 30 years ago, then, not 40.

    2. Google.

    3. Like I said, I am a fan, but as William Reid of Jesus and Mary Chain said of Thom Yorke, “that guy needs a blowjob and a pizza”. Not such a fan of Japan, but Sylvian solo, I do like – but he does take himself way too seriously.

  32. Mr. Moderator

    Glad to see that there are other TALENTED wedgie-worthy artists you’re willing to identify. I’m especially on board with Aimee Mann, but only after I’m done with Richman.

  33. Oh yeah, and Stevie Wonder.

    What about Clapton? Aerosmith? Carlos Santana?

  34. Mr. Moderator

    I doubt Santana wears underwear. He’s wedgie proofed himself.

  35. And you don’t think Steven Tyler is goin’ commando, too!?! For entirely different reasons, of course.

  36. cherguevarra, You couldn’t have just told me that Liberty DeVito was Billy Joel’s longtime drummer?

    He wore a wristwatch around his ankle? Has he no wrists? I would imagine that’s quite a disability to overcome whilst striving to become a drummer of any facility. I would say the man deserves kudos for such a feat, not the derision & humiliation of a wedgie.

    Not to mention the balance he must have required whenever he was asked, “Do You have the time?”.

  37. Oh, and if Thom Y.’s too filled with angst to handle it, I’ll gladly take the blowjob & the pizza. Do I have to have them simultaneously, because I’m not a great multi-tasker that way. And who is providing the oral pleasure, not the Jesus & Mary Chain guy, I hope, because in that case, I think I’ll just take the pizza to go.

  38. John Mellencamp, nee Cougar.

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