Mar 312010

Okay, I was gonna save this one for later in the series, but Townsman Bostonhistorian‘s gift for deciphering lyrics has made me shuffle things around a little bit. Here, submitted for your listening “pleasure,” is perhaps the weirdest — if not the creepiest — song I’ve yet to encounter in the many years I’ve been poring over discarded vinyl. Entitled “Dwarf In Heat,” this song requires very careful listening. I think I have an idea what it’s about, but… well, better heads than mine should be put to the task of figuring out what the author — one “R. Farkar” — meant to convey.

So, Bostonhistorian, enlighten us. And the rest of you: give the song a listen, if you dare!

I look forward to your responses.



  22 Responses to “Thrifty Music, Vol. 20.2: I Summon Bostonhistorian!”

  1. Mr. Moderator

    I don’t want to be accused of answering too soon, without first tamping my pipe and stroking my beard, but I will say that I dig the tasty guitar solo.

  2. Well, on first listen I’d say it’s a recounting of the Carlist roots of the Basque separatist movement…or maybe something about having sex in cellars with horny, sock darning, cardboard box dwelling dwarf hookers.

  3. hrrundivbakshi

    Yeah, Bittman, that’s the thing: it’s so hard to tell whether R Farkar really means all that stuff about heading down into the cellar full of porn to have sex with a dwarf who lives in a box — or whether he’s drawing a really deep, extended metaphor for something else entirely. Like heading down into the cellar full of porn to have sex with a normal-sized person who lives in a box.

  4. misterioso

    hrrundivbakshi, unless someone paid YOU to take that record off their hands, you got ripped off, bro.

  5. hrrundivbakshi

    Well, I paid $100 for 3,000 singles, so I guess it cost me three cents. I’m hoping to flog the 2,800 leftovers for $100 to get my money back. Any takers? There are sure to be a few more gems I missed, still in the pile!

    (And I do mean “pile.”)

  6. misterioso

    Perhaps the comparative approach to this song might prove illuminating. To that end:

  7. Mr. Moderator

    A quick Internet search to see if I could learn anything about this artist or song said it was worth $10 in whatever condition ($11 if broken in half).

  8. hrrundivbakshi

    Come on, Misterioso! What does that clip from Mel’s Rock Pile have to do with anything?

  9. hrrundivbakshi

    I think I’ll always be haunted by that refrain in the bridge: “will you go down and look in the cellar… will you go down and see what goes on there…”


  10. So, what LABEL is this disturbing masterwork of irritainment on, anyway?

  11. bostonhistorian

    “Summoning Bostonhistorian” really doesn’t sound as scary as “Summon the Kraken!”.

    This has to be a song written by someone who passed out on ludes while watching the munchkin scene in “The Wiz”. It really sounds like part of a movie soundtrack. Did Russ Meyer ever make a movie in the late 70s about dwarves? I do have to wonder why the singer asks if we’ve ever seen anything as sweet as a dwarf in heat while at the same time he’s telling us he doesn’t want to catch us running around town with any of the dwarves in heat. Trying to keep all that sweet sweet dwarf loving down in the cellar for himself? And what if the gimp in Pulp Fiction had been a dwarf?

    Still, Hasil Adkins’ “No More Hot Dogs” is far more disturbing: and T. Valentine’s “Hello Lucille, Are You A Lesbian” is much weirder:

  12. bostonhistorian

    I should add that I think this song is pretty literal. My guess is that he likes having sex with dwarves because it makes his own endowment look that much larger. I’m just sayin’.

  13. BigSteve


    How big is a dwarf’s penis?

    Most dwarfism is caused by achondroplasia. This means that everything grows normally except for the long bones, such as the bones of the arms and legs. This is why achondroplasic dwarfs have normal sized heads and small arms and legs.

    Therefore, achondroplasic dwarfs would have penises the same size as other men.

  14. hrrundivbakshi

    Mod, is there a way we can overnight an RTH No-Prize to BigSteve for that contribution? It really does re-set the bar for the rest of us.


  15. Mr. Moderator

    Already sent!

  16. bostonhistorian

    Also, unless I’m mistaken, we’re not talking about gay dwarves in heat, so BigSteve’s post about long bones really isn’t applicable…

  17. I’d still like to know the name of the label.

  18. hrrundivbakshi

    Yo, Bittman — it was released on the “Summer” label. Though I also wonder if that’s the name of the band.

  19. I can place this culturally. By the topic and musical style, it’s a weak version of cheesey Mid-70’s Zappa. Guarantee that’s what they were going for!

  20. hrrundivbakshi

    And what does THAT say about Frank Zappa? Hmmmmmmmm?

  21. I like a lot of Zappa, but he was just not that funny. The funny thing about the early Mothers was the other guys in the band, whose strengths Zappa had the good sense to exploit in the best sense of the word. Frequently the funniest thing about Zappa was his painfully unfunny aura of disdain that sometimes came all the way back around to being funny because he was so unaware how pompous he could sound.

  22. Thanks, HVB. Geo has a point with the whole Zappa thing. Listening to this again with FZ in mind, I’d have to agree that they were shooting for that unfunny comedic thing that Zappa got so many brain dead, rabid fans from in the 70’s. That it ended up a 4th rate version of that isn’t such a surprise, considering the aforementioned mental state of fans of this sort of thing.

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