Greetings! I’ve always carried around a certain amount of guilt for having introduced the brainless fun and games that, in my view, contributed to the sickening of RTH (Mercury Version). So it’s with no small amount of trepidation that I unleash my latest bit of tomfoolery on our nicely recuperating RTH. Despite my fear of derailing the healthy, thoughtful discourse that we seem to be enjoying, it seems to me that — in between dutifully foraging for fruits and berries, painstakingly poking termite mounds with broken twigs, and performing complex mating and dominance displays — us monkeys also need a few moments of scratching fleas, yawning, and nibbling on the crusty bits we pull off of each others’ anuses. And it is in that spirit that I introduce my latest creation, entitled simply: What Is It?
In the game of “What Is It,” your job is simple: I, the Quizmaster, will provide you with a list of names of things — bands, albums, tours, infamous behaviors, hair styles, quotable quotes, guitar nicknames, what have you. Some may be real; most will be fake. Your job is to tell us what you think the things are. Your answers don’t have to agree with mine, and they don’t have to correctly identify the “real” things in the list, if in fact there are any. Just answer, to the best of your ability, the question: What Is It?
Example — I say: Bow-legged Ida. You say: The name Jim Dandy gave the washboard he played in Black Oak Arkansas. Got it?
Here we go:
1. Whiskey and Metamucil – The Rolling Stones Tour before “The Depends Tour”
7. “1…2…3…4… No, sorry, I just can’t go through with this.” Dee Dee’s last words.
1. Hank Williams Jr’s breakfast drink of choice.
2. Christopher Guest (as Nigel Tufnel) and Jamie Lee Curtis’ take on the Robert and Toyah Fripp lockdown videos.
3, “Elvis has left the building.”
4. Steve Howe’s 36-string guitar spotlight instrumental.
5. Promising.
6. Is that the title of the second Loverboy album?
7. The kickoff of Sly Stone’s comeback tour.
8. I don’t know, this one’s making me think of “My Sharona,” which is making me think about Doug Feiger’s face and hairdo, both of which are bumming me out. Thanks a lot, HVB.
9. Captain Sensible.
10. The second Loverboy album.
Whiskey and Metamucil
My go-to cocktail
Wizards, Dryads, and Cold Blue Steel
One badly soiled pair of underpants
GG Allin’s backstage rider.
“The Pleaser”
This is what Steve Lukather named both his favorite Strat AND his penis
Not Bobby Keys
Then it’s got to be Clarence Clemmons
Wet Button
“1…2…3…4… No, sorry, I just can’t go through with this.”
Sesame Street’s the Count when he bottomed out right before entering rehab.
My Big Bologna
Nick Drake’s name for his penis.
The Ric Flair of Punk Rock
Captain Sensible is a great guess.
A peculiar, unpleasant aroma, sort of like hard-boiled eggs, peeled while still warm
5. Who plays the tenor solo on Waiting on a Friend?
Whiskey and Metamucil
The name of Metallica’s Post Covid Worldwide Tour
Wizards, Dryads, and Cold Blue Steel
The new 11 LP Uriah Heep boxed set of early 70’s outtakes
One badly soiled pair of underpants
The reason we don’t hear anything from Johnny Mellon Cougarcamp anymore.
“The Pleaser”
Jerry Lee Lewis’ lesser known brother.
Not Bobby Keys
All the guys playing what little bit of sax I hear in new music these days.
Wet Button
A new guitar pedal marketed specifically to the home enthusiast. It makes your guitar sound like the pickups are wet, so when you spill beer on your guitar people will think it’s supposed to sound like that.
“1…2…3…4… No, sorry, I just can’t go through with this.”
Ace Frehley: “Look! it’s Rock N’ Roll!”
My Big Bologna
“Come a little closer huh, closer huh, come a little closer to my big bologna…Duh duh duh duh dut dut…”
The Ric Flair of Punk Rock
Henry Rollins is probably The Rock of Punk Rock, so Iggy Pop is probably the Ric Flair.
A peculiar, unpleasant aroma, sort of like hard-boiled eggs, peeled while still warm
Robert Fripp
1. The original recipe for coming and going. 2. Robert Plant’s old filing system. 3. Mick will admit they are soiled but objects to the adverb ”badly”. 4. The reason Dusty Hill is mistaken for a common callous fellow. 5. An item that’s never found at the end of a swinger’s party. The lucky bastard. Well, maybe not… 6. What all the Olympic figure skaters used to fear in the 70’’s. 7. What I wish Paul McCartney had said at the beginning of recording All Together Now. 8. Milton Berle’s failed attempt at stealing Weird Al’s parody act. 9. I got nothin, but I believe Iron Mike Sharp is the David Johansen of pro wrestling. 10. Ever been around a 90 % blues band set approximately 1985?