Jan 232014
 

Hand over the, uh, belt.

Hand over the, uh, belt.

You know the rules for the Battle Royale: this is not a “Last Man Standing” affair, where the goal is to list as many of something as possible; no, in the Battle Royale, your job is to find the indisputable pinnacle — or, in this case, the nadir — of a particular category.

Here, we seek the absolute worst artist or band promo shot — one that is or was an undeniably awful choice for the intended “promotional” purpose. Only major or mid-tier-label recording artists need apply; I don’t want to see links to sites that collect bad promo shots from neighborhood goth or death metal bands, as humorous as those may be. Neither do I want to see album covers (sorry, Orleans!). No silly candids or stage shots. I want promo pictures, or photos clearly posed and taken for media outlets/rock magazines.

I’m starting things off with a tantalizing glimpse of hair metal B-listers Pretty Boy Floyd. Can you beat that?

As we say ’round these parts: hand over the belt!

I look forward to your responses.

HVB

Share

  69 Responses to “Battle Royale: The Worst Band Promo Shot Ever”

  1. 2000 Man

    That’s gonna be tough to beat. Here’s some hippies to look at while you wait.

    http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1473100/thumbs/o-COUNTERCULTURE-570.jpg?3

  2. 2000 Man

    How about Whitesnake? Now we know, their underpants all match.

    http://www.rtvchannel.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Whitesnake-get-new-bassist1.jpg

  3. As I try (so far, vainly!) to find a contender worthy to even step a toe in the ring against Pretty Boy Floyd, I came across this GOOD publicity photo, for fIREHOSE. At least I get a kick out of it:

    http://dvp14a235i3p5.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/Firehose_PRImage.jpg

  4. Sorry to keep skirting around the Battle, but I’ve never felt so ready to cry UNCLE! Meanwhile, here’s another goofy promo shot that actually amuses me:

    http://dvp14a235i3p5.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/KenScottAndTubesPR.jpg

  5. hrrundivbakshi

    I’d forgotten about this doozy, but I still think PBF is in the lead.

    http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/1372349971_grandmaster_flash_furious_five_fashion_stylist_regret.jpg

  6. 2000 Man

    Jefferson Starship, Sold Out! This can’t actually be a band that sells tickets to anything, can it?

    http://www.sub.iastate.edu/index.cfm/20176/43961/sold_out_jefferson_starship

  7. Boney M has delivered some fine promo photos over the years (eg, http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/multimedia/archive/00096/BoneyM4_96466c.jpg), but this Zardoz-inspired group shot is worthy of consideration:

    http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/55556257/Boney%2BM.jpg

    This one, on the other hand, just terrifies me:

    http://www.sleeveface.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/BoneyM-Dylan-Patterson.jpg

  8. Bronzed Nordic God

    I’m surprised this classic Manowar one hasn’t made a showing yet.

    http://tyrannyoftradition.com/2012/03/27/mtv-to-manowar-were-sorry-about-all-the-false-metal/

  9. misterioso

    One thing’s for sure: as a genre, hair metal takes this prize. (That Styx shot being a notable exception!) I went looking for a particularly ludicrous Stryper image, but, frankly, they are all more or less equally ridiculous but not quite in your face enough. (As it happens, I just find Stryper as a concept to be especially funny.)

    Anyway, since as I recall one of my first postings here in the hall dealt with the Vinnie Vincent Invasion, I give you:
    http://hardrockhideout.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/vvi2.jpg%3Fw%3D450

    But maybe better still: http://kissasylum.com/Archives/News/2010/03/images/20100328-02RockBIG.jpg

    • 2000 Man

      Metal is an embarrassment of riches in the image department. I know one or two guys my age (early 50’s) that still love metal, and while there’s a few bands I still can play once in awhile, that’s got to be one of the toughest things to admit to liking when you’re an adult. It’s like going out to lunch with your boss and ordering a mikshake and a piece of cake instead of food. Or telling everyone you thought Grown Ups 2 is one of the funniest movies ever made. It’s just weird.

  10. 2000 Man

    WASP. I’ve got one of their albums, and it’s got a couple good songs on it.

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d7/CIRCUS_CIRCUS_1979-1980.png

    In case you were wondering, this is a poster.

    http://wasppictures.webs.com/Rare%20Pictures/WASP_GroupOriginalBand.jpg

  11. BigSteve

    Pantera:

    http://leatherrebel.com/website%20pics/Pantera/Pantera-Glam01.jpg

    Even their names say metal. Especially Terrence.

  12. cliff sovinsanity

    The “other” Canadian power trio…

    http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/6744605/Triumph%2B%2B%2B1976.jpg

    The sweat makes you want to buy it.

  13. diskojoe

    I would have entered the last Beach Boys promo photo w/Dennis circa 1982, but I couldn’t find a copy on the net. I do remember that it was in Brian Wilson’s autobiography Wouldn’t it Be Nice.

  14. I see your ridiculous photo and raise you one ridiculous name.

    Bubble Puppy
    http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/6491/music_feature-24219.jpeg

  15. There is a rag that circulates in Central Pennsylvania called PA Musician, It may be the mecca for the worst band promo shots ever.

  16. Isn’t this supposed to end with a winner? I just put a High Five on the Styx boxing shot since Tommy Shaw has this look of dread that he is in for an ass whoopin’.

  17. cherguevarra

    Here’s one I found, an album cover for a band called “Brainstorm.”

    http://weirdorecords.com/zen/images/3_8859.jpg

  18. cherguevarra

    Trying for a better entry, here is latter-day “A Flock of Seagulls.”

    http://netdna.orlandoinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/a-flock-of-seagulls-velvet-sessions.jpg

  19. HVB, who is holding the, uh, belt?

  20. […] Pretty Boy Floyd. Hand over the, uh, belt! (Source) […]

  21. […] Pretty Boy Floyd . Entregue el, uh, cinturón! ( Fuente ) […]

  22. […] Pretty Boy Floyd. Hand over the, uh, belt! (Source) […]

 
twitter facebook youtube