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I attended back-to-back Bar Mitzvahs on Saturday. Both events were beautiful, fun times with friends. At both Bar Mitzvah receptions, however, I had to hear Kool & the Gang‘s “Celebration” cranked up to get the party started. Despite the sentiments it’s meant to inspire, that song has bummed me out since it was first released. As a kid, I loved Kool & the Gang’s “Jungle Boogie.” To me that was a super-cool, funky song worth resetting the needle every time I spun my 45 of it. A couple of years later this “Celebration” song becomes a smash and I was beginning to feel for sure like the times-they-were-a-changin’, like the final strains of good music that had lasted through most of the ’70s were running their course – for the worse. The rock ‘n roll that had developed since the early ’70s was already shot to hell (thank god for punk rock), and now dance music was getting too clean and buttoned up for my tastes.

I was wondering last night if “Celebration” was the first song that signaled the point when ’70s music no longer sounded like ’70s music to me, but I looked it up and saw that the song was released in 1980. So for me the point of no return may be Donna Summer‘s 1979 hits, “Hot Stuff” and “Bad Girls.” I was never one of those guys who hated disco, but “Hot Stuff” and “Bad Girls” pushed the butch, mechanistic aspects of late-70s dance music beyond a point that resonated with me. To my ears, those songs and the early ’80s dance music that would follow just sounds like Pat Benetar with an insistent kick drum on every beat. The nooks and crannies of a song like “Jungle Boogie” are long gone. Donna Summer’s move into rock music – and most of what would follow in dance music, coalescing with Michael Jackson‘s “Beat It,” strikes me as the musical equivalent of some high-tech dildo.

So maybe you’ve never thought about it this way, but is there a point at which ’70s music no longer sounds like ’70s music to you?

It’s generally acknowledged that Ray Manzarek is the most annoying interview for music fans to have to sit through in all of rock history. Even the 36-second clip of an upbeat Ray talking about the continued popularity of The Doors is a little annoying. Beyond Manzarek, however, there’s probably some strong competition for the #2 slot. This came up recently while I told my close personal friend, Townsman andyr, about a the Lynyrd Skynyrd portion of a surprisingly good Al Kooper interview that I read in TapeOp.

“Oh man,” he said at the mere mention of Kooper’s name, “he’s a close second to Ray Manzarek for most-annoying interview in rock!”

I agreed, although his recent TapeOp interview is surprisingly free of all the things that typically bug me about listening to an Al Kooper interview: the “Like a Rolling Stone” story; the inflated notion that “This Diamond Ring” is a good song; the notion that Blood, Sweat & Tears was in any way a worthwhile contribution to humanity. Beyond content, though, maybe what annoys us about some interview subjects is their delivery. Following is Kooper telling his most tired tale:
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The lips of rock.

Townsman chuckflack, seemingly inspired by our recent anatomy-themed Last Man Standing, asked that we consider the following:

Bruce Springsteen, upon inducting Bob Dylan to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, said, “Bob freed the mind the way Elvis freed the body.” A pretty succinct summation. Given the premise, how do you fill out the best of rock’s body?

When guarding a man in basketball, they always tell you to watch the guy’s stomach: it’s not going anywhere the man isn’t. So, starting with the gut, the center of gravity, obviously the latter-day Elvis is the one. And of course, early Elvis is the pelvis. From my anatomical perspective, Dylan’s the brain, The Beatles the heart, The Stones the balls, Jimi Hendrix the cock, Madonna the pussy, and Ray Charles the soul.

Argue, or continue filling out the body parts. Spleen? Feet? Jowls? Larynx?