Aug 182014

After the reveal of cherguevarra’s recent Mystery Date, Mr. Royale and I got to riffing about the name Michael. Let’s cut to the chase here: Is there an uncooler rock (first) name than Michael?

Michael Bolton. Michael Buble. Michael Feinstein. Michael McDonald. And some of you would add Michael Stipe. Honestly, are there any rockin’ Michaels? Or is there another first name that better signifies earnest schmaltzy music?

For those few cool or semi-hip Michaels out there, why did they go by Michael rather than the arguably cooler Mike, Mick, or (even) Mickey?

Lastly, if we agree on Michael, what would be his female counterpart? Tiffany?


  21 Responses to “The Name Game”

  1. cherguevara

    Where do Michael Jackson and Michael Hutchence fit into this spectrum?

  2. I say Boy Michael Jackson was super cool. Hutchence was kind of cheesy, although he wasn’t lame.

  3. Does anyone consider Michael Schenker cool?

  4. I’ll admit to kind of liking Michael Penn. But I wouldn’t describe him as “cool” or “hip”.

  5. misterioso

    Beat me to it. Michael Penn. Not bad at all.

  6. cliff sovinsanity

    My fave Michaels are the Monkee, the Byrd and The Bangle.

  7. ladymisskirroyale

    I know: those were the only cool Michaels I could think of. And I wonder why they went by Michael. Mr. Hutchence could have rocked a “Mick;” I’m not sure if Mr. Jackson was ever known as Mikey but it doesn’t really sound like a soul name.

  8. ladymisskirroyale

    Ok, I’ll also grudgingly admit that Mr. Royale came up with Mr. Penn.

  9. ladymisskirroyale

    Ok, people. So you are rubbing my nose in it. But you digress from part of the point: if we can think of several cool Michaels, is there less cool rock first name?

  10. ladymisskirroyale

    Not my kind of cool, but if you promise to keep it hush-hush, I will let you know that I own several Scorpions albums, and if I dig back far enough through the dusty stacks, my bout of asthma will possibly reflect a UFO and/or a MSG album.

  11. cliff sovinsanity

    There are few exception that I’m sure will be pointed out but Bobby is rarely cool.
    Bobby Sherman, Bobby Brown, Bobby McFerrin,

  12. ladymisskirroyale

    Good one. Michael can be very earnest, but Bobby is just plain goofy.

  13. What about Bobby Bland, despite the unfortunate last name?

  14. Wow, that was unexpected!

  15. 2000 Man

    Totally! I have a UFO album and a Michael Schenker Group album, but no Scorpions. Something about them I just never liked.

  16. Bobby Keys is cool

    Bobby Goldsboro not so cool.

    Bobby Vee (I saw him once perform with his kids!) he is cool.

    Do we consider Bobby Darin a rocker? He was cool.

  17. Bobby Fuller gets a pass.

  18. misterioso

    I’ve been running the numbers and it appears to me that the most uncool rock name is Timothy.

  19. Clearly you’ve forgotten about Timothy B Schmidt, The Coolest Eagle ™

  20. misterioso

    Of course, nothing reinforces my point more than this!

  21. saturnismine

    Art is a pretty uncool rock name.

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