May 222014

Nixon's Head: $25-$200, depending on night of the week and position on the bill.

Nixon’s Head: $25-$200, depending on night of the week, position on the bill, and delusion that festival appearance would actually lead to any meaningful exposure.

Congratulations! Your long lost Auntie Selma just sent you a check for $150,000. Sure, you could invest it, perhaps buy a house or make some charitable donations. But forget all that stuff, you should blow it all booking bands for your very own music festival. Luckily, the internet has just provided us with a list of acts and their prices.

Your simple challenge: From the provided list, choose the bands you want and whatever you do, don’t go over budget.

I look forward to your show, Dave Matthews tribute band notwithstanding.


  25 Responses to “Choose Your Own Rock Adventure”

  1. cherguevara

    Welcome to CherFest, not featuring Cher! The show begins at one and ends at 10pm. Please no glass bottles, no drugs or alcohol.

    1. Jill Sobule
    2. Mike Doughty
    3. Ben Kweller
    4. Noah & The Whale
    5. St Vincent
    6. Tame Impala
    7. Spoon
    8. Andrew Bird

    Enjoy the show! The band fees come to 148K, so there is 2K left to purchase Sen Sen for all attendees. Feel free to analyze, critique or discuss any of these selections, hopefully you feel this is a somewhat cohesive bill.

  2. It’s odd but I had a much tougher time spending the money that I though I would have. I’m not sure I even spent it all.

    cheap trick
    tame impala
    los lobos
    dirty dozen brass band
    the connells

    If I win the Mega Millions this week, I will be having a party at the Troc featuring:
    The Replacements
    Guided by Voices
    The Plimsouls
    and the Raspberries

    And you guys and gals are all invited.

  3. 2000 Man

    I don’t know what they’d pay two bands I like that are now touring, but I think they’d take the 7500 and not bitch, so I had to go off the list to personalize 2KFest2014. I think this pricing will work, I picked the middle if it was a range. I’m sure people will want to play for free cuz it’s gonna be so cool. I want to have this in a bar. Maybe 200 people, max. Since I just blew all my money, you guys can buy me beers.

    Street Drum Corps – 7500. They sound like a good opening act for my festival.
    Street Drum Corps – 7500. They sound like a good opening act for my festival.
    Lee Bains III and the Glory Fires 7500?
    Lydia Loveless – 7500?
    Deer Tick – Call it 7500, I guess.
    English Beat – looks like 7500.
    Tom Morello – 15K, he’ll put some asses in seats.
    Old 97’s – 22500
    Drive By Truckers – 25K
    Joan Jett 50K

    Did anyone notice Alabama Shakes is getting 90 to 125K? I like them, but that equates to ticket prices I won’t pay to see them.

  4. 2000 Man

    I hope you win, I wanna go see that!

  5. I hire Willie Nelson and The Black Crowes. Spend $2,000 on killer weed so they both forget to collect their paychecks.

  6. cherguevara

    Nobody booked Hoobastank yet? WHY.

  7. Shoot! I didn’t notice the Old 97’s. I will add them to my list. Not sure what my total is but I think I’m still under budget, so, like Wheel of Fortune, I’ll take the ceramic dog statue and the rest on a gift certificate.

  8. Dang it! I missed Willie Nelson too.

  9. diskojoe

    I would give BB King $100K & split the remaining 50K between Los Lobos & Barrence Whitfield & the Savages (hey, you gotta give a friend a piece of the action & he’s worth every penny)

  10. diskojoe

    Here’s a couple of other ideas that I have:
    1. The Marley Family Reunion (Ziggy, Stephen & Julian)
    2. The Family Festival (Sorta, Kinda Like the Stars!):
    Jakob Dylan
    Stephen Marley
    Solange Knowles
    Alexa Ray Joel

    Finally, I noticed that Jefferson Starship is in the $15-25K range. That’s how much they probably got as Jefferson Airplane back in ’68

  11. Is the $15-$20k for Arrested Development a fee for their musical services or a reward for finding them?

  12. cherguevara

    And what is Wyclef going to do for his 100k? Stand there chanting, “one time… two time…” for an hour?

  13. That’s a good one — didn’t know the Connells were still playing.

  14. misterioso

    Who/what is Jefferson Starship at this point?

  15. misterioso

    I can’t really articulate why, but somehow it made me really sad to see, down there at the bottom among scores of acts I’ve never even heard of, the Bodeans.

  16. Hey, the Connells. Cool.

  17. I think the pride of Waukesha Wisc. has turned into a one of those “one original member bands.”

  18. cherguevara

    Well, easy enough to look it up on their website… but holy hot mess, it looks like it was made ten years ago. Whoever made their site is probably in high school by now.

    It appears that Paul Kantner is the main person, along with David Frieberg and one Donny Baldwin, who has been with the group since the 80’s. Then there are some hired guns, it seems, including this one: “CATHY RICHARDSON is JEFFERSON STARSHIP’s newest member, anchoring the historic ‘role’ made famous by GRACE SLICK.”


  19. hrrundivbakshi

    Can I hire Merle Haggard for one and a half shows?

  20. Mogwai ($25,000)
    Blonde Redhead ($20,000)
    Public Enemy ($20,000)
    Black Angels ($10,000)
    Tom Morello ($10,000)
    Sierra Leone Rufugee All-Stars ($10,000)
    Tame Impala ($10,000)
    Secret Machines ($8,000)
    JEFF the Brotherhood ($7,500)
    Kaki King ($5,000)
    Stone Foxes ($5,000)
    Vienna Teng ($5,000)
    Wavves ($5,000)
    Maps & Atlases ($3,000)
    Toasters ($3,000)
    Dead Confederate ($2,500)
    Anna Lunoe ($1,000)

    17 bands, $150K on the nose.

  21. You have booked your festival as if you have experience doing such things! 🙂 I like the value you’re getting for a festival-sized bill.

  22. if only i had that kind of budget to work with!

  23. cherguevara

    Nicely done! I’m sensing a bit of a consensus on Tame Impala around here.

  24. two shout-outs to tom morello as well. it was a rather limited list in terms of viable options.

  25. Using the lowest possible figures:

    Spoon (30K)
    Mogwai (25K)
    Drive-By Truckers (20K)
    Old 97’s (20K)
    Public Enemy (20K)
    Of Montreal (15K)
    The Antlers (10K)
    The Connells (7.5K)

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