Jan 232012

On January 17, 1971. Robert James Ritchie was dragged from his mother’s womb kicking and screaming into this world. Little did he loving parents know that this was the same technique their son would employ to forge a career in music for himself. The self styled “rock-rapper” would not achieve his desire until the release of the 1998 album Devil Without a Cause, released by Atlantic Records, which sold a whopping 11 million albums, apparently. It was followed by a slightly less successful album: History of Rock, in 2000, which featured the hit single “American Badass.”

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am no fan of raining on the parade of a dude or dudette that is making a living out of “Living The Dream”; good luck to them. And even if I had the means to go back in time and undo such atrocities I don’t think I would because at the end of the day it’s only rock ’n roll, and I like it. But there is a but.

The unholy fusion of “Cock-Rock” with “Gangsta-Rap” produces a sound that I can only be likened to listening to a migraine headache. I only say this because I am convinced that Kid Rock takes himself seriously, which on the face of it seems impossible, but nevertheless I fear it to be true. The worst crime that Kid Rock is guilty of is the crime of fraud: he is a teeny-bopper in rocker’s clothing no matter how good his credentials are and no matter how many truly hard rockin’ amigos he has. So here’s my question: Why do people like “The Kid” exist? Are they genuine musicians trying to carve their way in the world or are they walkin’ the walk and talkin’ the talk to bag the cash? Whatever the popular vote favors I accept, but with no prejudice at all. Guy’s like Kid Rock leave a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe I need to be educated in this musical area.

So I say that Kid Rock is guilty of “sucking up to the man.”

Evidence for the prosecution follows the jump…

All those in favour say, “Victory or Death.” All those against say, “No, no please don’t hurt me, no!”


  17 Responses to “Kid Rock. Why?”

  1. Welcome to the Main Stage, Deek! As for your questions, I think Kid Rock exists for the same reason Budweiser beer exists in the US: it’s a cheap buzz for the masses with a modicum of style for those too lazy to put any effort into developing their own style.

    I wouldn’t say Kid Rock is sucking up to The Man. He’s just perfectly in tune with a broad segment of America. It’s scary.

    Are you in England or thereabouts? What’s your nation’s mass-marketed, default beer? Who’s your mass-marketed artist these days most likely to appeal to cheap beer guzzlers.

    (No offense, of course, to any of Rock Town Hall’s cheap beer guzzlers with champagne taste in music.)

  2. Deek Langoustine

    We have something much worse than kid rock, much darker than kid rock, we have Simon Cowell and we are defenseless against him. I suppose Kid Rock isn’t the worst offender (and yes I am from blighty) I think he leaves a bad tatste in my mouth because I feel like underneath it all he could be making better stuff, but he doesn’t because he wants to achieve the mass appeal as you say and I can live with it when they do this through any other musical genre, but when they use Rock’n’Roll as the conduit it’s like watching your own child being picked on at school. A strong defense but still guilty, despite the extenuating circumsatnces.

  3. Deek Langoustine

    Oh! and the generic beer is Fosters or Stella Artois, but beer is a different thing altogether in Europe. We drink Budweiser if we want to drive home from the pub afterwards.

  4. As far as I can tell, Kid Rock is for rural white meth-heads who think they’re too cool for country music and refuse to listen to Dad’s Lynyrd Skynyrd, but find urban black people to be a little too scary.

  5. cliff sovinsanity

    I watched Kid Rock first hand rise from the clubs of the D to the heights of the charts. He has always been brash. He fancied himself in the early 90’s as the bad boy of local DJ’s in the clubs around metro Detroit. He was emboldened to adopt a hip hop angle through his DJing in the black clubs. This is when he developed his “shtick” as the devil without a cause.
    It’s mostly an act Deek. His boorish attitude is him acting out a typical R&R lifestyle. When he says he loves Grandmaster Flash as much as Bob Seger, I believe him. Unfortunately his output is mostly derivative and wholly uninspiring. If he could spend less time trying to convince us of his credentials and “rock knowledge” he might realize there’s nothing left to do but give it all up and assume his rightful position as stock boy at Kroeger’s.

  6. Happiness Stan

    Hi Deek, nice to have another Brit on board (I’ll have to be a lot more careful with my ‘facts’ from now on!)

  7. Kid Rock is not about the music (which has no redeeming value). His contribution is Being Kid Rock. He’s a Personality now, like Snoop. Snoop may or may not have put out some good music at one point (I have no idea), but now his bread and butter appears to be Being Snoop.

    And over the years, I’ve become more tolerant of Kid Rock. He’s a big cheerleader for Detroit, an economically devastated place that has given me a lot of music that I love. And despite all of his bluster, I get the sense that he knows how lucky he is. I find him more entertaining than most of the other interchangeable chart topping hit makers. Of course, I’m not going to listen to the guy’s music…

  8. alexmagic

    “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.” -R.J. Ritchie

    Kid Rock was willed into existence by Jann Werner to have someone around to induct Bob Seger into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and as a failsafe should Ted Nugent or KISS ever need to be inducted in the future. When not in use for his primary purpose, he is licensed to outside vendors to sell shitty beer and wear shitty hats.

  9. hrrundivbakshi

    Kid Rock is the penultimate stop on the 21st-century hillbilly music express, right before it plummets into the darkness towards its final destination, the Insane Clown Posse.

  10. mockcarr

    I always figured he was truth in advertising actually, only cheekily pretending to rock, and name checking his audience and their favorite way of avoiding reality.

  11. All I know is I rock the $h!+ out of “Cowboy” in the karaoke bars. Abetting that crime alone should get him exiled.


  12. And he was Pamela Anderson’s squeeze for awhile. That had to have helped his profile and cred around a lot of dirtbag America. But that was probably just because he’s such a handsome man.

  13. Kid Rock rides below my attention threshold.

    Pam Anderson and “Dirtbag America”. Sounds like an outbreak of Hepatitis B, for sure.

  14. 2000 Man

    He appears to be a genuinely not horrible person. His “music” blows and to be truthful, strippers only add so much to a show for me. I can go see them anytime, but a kick ass rock n roll show you just don’t get every day. I guess kid rock knows you’re not gonna get one of those from him, so at least he’s bringing something.

    I think he’s where the people that liked The Bloodhound Gang went whenever they dropped off the radar.

  15. Deek Langoustine

    Like it!

  16. jeangray

    That’s the best explanation yet!

  17. Did ‘Dirtbag America’ make the Backing Band regionals yet?

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