Dec 312007

There’s a lot of music I don’t like – and damming faults that I find with a range of artists, but while deciding to look into whatever became of Billy Squier, I stumbled across what might be the worst song in the history of rock. Perhaps some of you know it, “Lady With a Tenor Sax”, a collaboration between Squier and Freddie Mercury.

What the hell motivated this? How much coke must these guys have done before lowering their inhibitions enough to crank out something this lame? If the song itself isn’t bad enough, try reading through the lyrics.

I’ve been faking my past
But now I know my connection is coming through, yeah
I put my ass on the line, hey
Hey baby, so what’s new
I told you

Don’t look now, I’m inching up behind
Don’t look now, in the creases of your mind
Don’t stop now, we’re moving much to fast
Gonna find out where you draw the line
Here she comes now, so divine (hey come on, come on, come on, she’s so relaxed baby)

She’s a lady with a tenor sax, hey
Cool baby drives a mean Cadillac
She’s a lady with a tenor sax, yeah
You’re gonna meet her on her own level, don’t look back
Don’t look back, don’t look back
‘Cos the lady’s got a tenor sax

She jives, she’s so bad
She’s a tango with a big, big business sense
She had it
Oh, oh, dee la dum bum bay oh
Bah, ba-dee, dum
Um bum da bee bum

Don’t walk now, you’ll slip into the past
Don’t walk now, can nothin’ ever last
Don’t look now, the chips are gonna fall
Sooner or later you’re gonna be mine

Here she comes now, oh, yeah, yeah
She’s a lady with a tenor sax, yeah
She’s a lady with a tenor sax
She’s a lady with a tenor sax, yeah
She’s a lady with a tenor sax
Wait til the next time

Don’t walk now, you’ll slip into the past
Don’t walk now, can nothin’ ever last
Don’t look now, the chips are gonna fall
Sooner or later you’re gonna be mine

Here she comes now, oh, yeah, yeah
She’s a lady with a tenor sax, yeah
She’s a lady with a tenor sax

She’s a lady with a tenor sax
A soul baby cuts a groove on her back
Lady with a tenor sax
She looks, she loves, she walks into the fire
There’s a lady with a tenor sax
Fight it over

Lady with a tenor sax
She’s snide, she cried, she begged you’d come alive
Lady with a tenor sax
Yeah, yeah

Lady with a tenor sax

Listen, it’s not like I ever had any expectations for Squier, and besides freely acknowledging the vocal chutzpah of Freddie Mercury, the only singer who could fit the bombast of Queen, I never considered him as as any kind of spiritual guide, but this is really bad. Can I attribute this to his bravery, his comfort with trying anything once?

Alexmagic, Kpdexter, or HVB, perhaps you can put this into perspective for me. I didn’t think humans could produce anything this bad.


  16 Responses to “Let’s Ring Out 2007 With the Lamest Song in the History of Rock”

  1. general slocum

    OK. I get the horror. Or was “horror” the keyword in the last post? But honestly, if you went trolling the chum-laden bywaters of the eighties for has been bits, you found ubiquitous krill, if you ask me. This song sounds like the sound track to immodest dressing rooms not designed for doughy white men, which were the perfect place to find out that yet another phase of pop culture was not meant for me. From the gated snare, to the angled zippers years late, to the lyric content (???), I shuddered again, and began the shuffle, slowly, toward the nearest LL Bean-ish, But Not Mortifyingly So, Generic Men’s Shop. Thereafter I could face whatever the mainstream, and it’s “alternative” side-currents sent my way. Not only thinking its trends weren’t for me, but entirely unable to even identify them as trends. This song is meaningless, and disappoints neither my Freddy Mercury sense, nor my Billy Squier sense. I will only note that your year end messages tend to be skewed toward the pessimistic. Leave the embarrassing past to moulder, and listen to the goods.

  2. Mr. Moderator

    Jeez, the “glass half empty” charge? I don’t know, General. What can I say?

  3. alexmagic

    Hey, look, man – somebody had to make songs to play during the “checking out seedy night clubs for sexy leads in this kinky murder” montages of late 80s/early 90s cop shows. Your Silk Stalkings, that kinda thing. We should just thank Fred and Bill for stepping up to do it so nobody who would have actually been hurt turning out something like this got involved.

    Mercury, and Queen in general, are probably the most bulletproof band in all of Rock, right? Agreeing to do the Flash Gordon soundtrack would have closed the door on most bands, but that only made them better, if you ask me.

    As for the central question: what could have motivated these two to put out this song, well, I’m gonna go ahead and say that this might have had something to do with it:
    (Warning: Features High Quality Audio!) Perhaps a Billy Squier Video Retrospective is in order to give everyone a chance to confront their feelings on his career?

    So what did happen to Squier, anyway? Whatever your take on him, you’d think he would have been a more appropriate choice to front the rest of Queen than Paul Rodgers on that recent tour, as far as sounding more like Mercury.

  4. BigSteve

    Appearently that Billy Squier video is infamous. I don’t remember this, but according to wikipedia:

    In 1983, Squier did his first headlining arena US tour with Def Leppard as opening act and Def Leppard upstaged him. Squier confirmed this on the VH1 show Ultimate Albums on the episode which spotlighted the making of Def Leppard’s Pyromania album.

    On that same show, Squier revealed that his career as a chart-topping rocker came to a stunningly rapid and sudden end with the release of the music video for “Rock Me Tonite”, universally derided by his fans (who saw him as a guitar hero) for its effeminate set (a bedroom dressed in soft, pastel fabrics) and Squier’s bizarre, homoerotic prancing and ripping of his clothing, reminiscent of Jennifer Beals’ performance in the film “Flashdance”. The video was a devastating blow to Squier’s image among his fans, who deserted him virtually overnight. Billy confirmed that his career didn’t recover after that video. Ironically the same medium (music video) that ruined Squier’s career took his former opening act from a year earlier (Def Leppard) to the top of the music world.

    I thought his dancing had an Ed Grimley quality to it. I kept expecting him to get out the triangle.

  5. Mr. Moderator

    Yikes! I’d forgotten about that video.

  6. that video was a smash hit though!

    I think he’s looking for an excuse. basically he started to suck really bad after that.

    I recently picked up a cd copy of Don’t Say No, and it’s 3/5’s amazing.

    I need to watch this collab video, it sounds promising.

  7. That song doesn’t build enough goodwill that we can, for example, forgive the fact that a song called “Lady With a Tenor Sax” doesn’t have, you know, a SAXOPHONE in it. In other contexts, you could write that off to good-hearted lunk-headedness. Not here.

    It goes on the list of ’70s and ’80s songs, movies and TV shows headed “The Only Explanation is Cocaine.”

    Not only that, but in a probably related matter, it joins the Jagger/Jacksons “State of Shock” and The Who’s “Cry If You Want” as recorded, released songs that are literally unfinished. Any other nominations?

  8. It goes on the list of ’70s and ’80s songs, movies and TV shows headed “The Only Explanation is Cocaine.”

    Have you seen The Apple, per chance?

    Any other nominations?

    Speaking of Queen, I always suspected Bowie or Freddie had planned to maybe finish the lyrics to “Under Pressure” but never got around to it.

  9. Have you seen The Apple, per chance?

    Sounds vaguely familiar. Refresh me?

    “Under Pressure” is a possibility, though I always thought that wasn’t so bad. Beats hell out of the subject of this thread, anyway.

  10. Mr. Moderator

    What the hell is that? Please explain, Oats. In fact, if you know anything about this, please construct a Main Stage post, if you’ve got the time. At the 45-second mark, is that Will Ferrell as Tony Roberts or Tony Roberts as Will Ferrell?

  11. As luck would have it, I received a DVD of The Apple from Crystal this Christmas. I will try to address the important themes the movie discusses in the coming weeks.

  12. Yeah, Oats, that goes on the list.

    I look greatly forward to your analysis, though you’ll have to work some to top the simple YouTube comment “Daft Punk have to have seen this.”

    Yay Will Farrell! Yay Guy They Got When Roger Daltrey Said No*!

    * apocryphal

  13. hrrundivbakshi

    Who is that joining girlie singer onstage at 2:15 — the Juuls Haalmeyer Dancers?

  14. Haven’t dropped by in a few days. Is it possible that ZZ Top’s performance at the Orange Bowl, excuse me, the FedEx Orange Bowl, went by without a comment from HBV? J’Accuse? or Defend?

  15. BigSteve

    Didn’t they give them just enough time for one song? That was bullshit.

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