Rock Town Hall Strives to Improve Rock Criticism Through Avoidance of Rock-Crit Cliches

 Posted by
Apr 092009
 

Townsman Mwall‘s recent cautionary comment about another Townsman’s use of a cliche in his comment reminded of another of our objectives, beyond those of science and healing, on Rock Town Hall: the improvement of rock criticism.

Although we could boast of our daily examples of leadership by example, it may be helpful, every few months, to concentrate a thread on a specific area of rock criticism that is in need of improvement. Today, let’s examine rock-crit cliches and see if there are alternatives to phrases like It’s [artist’s] best album since [last actually great album]…

The rock-crit community thanks us in advance for our efforts.

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Huge Rock Songs That Were in No Way “Influential”

 Posted by
Apr 092009
 


In our recent investigation of rock’s most pompous singer, Townsman and major Queen fan 2000 Man directed us to this delusional video clip on The Story of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Already-forgotten bands like The Darkness proclaim the song as “the Holy Grail,” then go on to say that if anyone says they don’t like “Bohemian Rhapsody” they’re lying!

Well, call me a liar. I’ll argue that not only do I not like the song but that the song itself has almost no influence on anything that came after it. You could argue that the joy and flamboyance of Freddie Mercury was inspiring to some future gay (and straight) frontmen. You could argue that the band’s production techniques were influential on ’80s hair metal bands. But I don’t see how you can argue that “Bohemian Rhapsody” was influential on any song that would follow in the history of rock to date.

I could argue that the song completed work started by Paul McCartney and Wings through various cut-and-paste songs, from “Uncle Albert/Uncle Halsey” through “Band on the Run” and “Live and Let Die,” but once Queen so perfectly completed McCartney’s artistically suspect efforts, no band had a chance of following in “Bo Rhap”‘s footsteps. Queen was too good at that shit! Despite the fact that I can’t stand “Bo Rhap,” it’s a masterpiece of execution. But it’s not influential.

Are there other huge rock songs that would be, for whatever reasons, in no way “influential?”

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Least Objectionable Billy Joel Song or New Shortest Post Ever

 Posted by
Apr 082009
 
I envy one person in this photo...

What Else Do I Have To Say?

A week or two ago, several Townspeople owned up to having seen Billy Joel in concert. In the spirit of those courageous admissions, I ask you: what is the least objectionable Billy Joel song? Please factor in lyrics, intent, unwarranted adoption of tough-guy persona, overall delivery, potential drunken singalongs, and that smug face of his if there was a video that went with it.

For some of you, this may translate as “most favorite of Billy Joel’s many hit songs” and to you, I say I’ll see you in hell thank you for sharing; this is a friendly, supportive environment.

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Artists You Loved Who Began to Believe They Were Something Other Than What They Were and Sucked Thereafter

 Posted by
Apr 082009
 

Without sound recordings, how will future generations surfing the Web have the chance to assess the half dozen years or so when James Blood Ulmer was onto something with his gutbucket take on rural blues, folk, and harmelodic jazz? As long as videos have been posted on the Web I’ve been searching for live, recorded concert performance evidence of the Ulmer music I’ve loved since stumbling on Are You Glad to Be in America through Odyssey and the countless live albums that recycled the guitar-drums-violin approach of that last great studio album. I’ve had no luck finding video evidence of the Blood I knew and loved…until now!

Chances are you won’t get it, but I thought this was somewhat visionary, mind-expanding music when I heard it in my late teens and early 20s. I still find the best of his work during these years to be inspiring and, somehow, representative of deep American values, as corny as that sounds. For this discussion, however, I’m not so much interested in focusing on my personal experiences with Ulmer, but in examining artists we loved who began to believe they were something else and sucked thereafter.

In Ulmer’s case, who’s to say? The man had to pay the bills. As real bluesmen kicked the bucket, he must have seen an opportunity to occupy a Last Man Standing position and earn a few long-overdue paychecks. When you’re James Blood Ulmer, forgotten hope of the early ’80s NY jazz scene and Martin Scorcese wants to feature you in his highly anticipated documentary on da blooz I guess you put down the harmelodics, suck it up, and crank out a pointless cover of “Spoonful.” While you’re at it, get Vernon Reid, another Great Black Rock Hope of your era, to plug in and jam along with you. If you run out of white folks to eat it up in the US, the French are seated at the dinner table, waiting for their serving.

So my example is James Blood Ulmer. He got to thinking he was an honest-to-goodness bluesman, and he’s sucked ever since. It saddens me. Has an artist ever abandoned him- or herself – and sucked thereafter – in your eyes? Do tell.

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