Mar 082010

Let he who is without a Rock Crime record cast the first Rolling Stone!

Whether your personal Rock Crimes are big or small, we know you’ve committed at least one. If nothing else, you were born with original an Rock Crime. It’s time you ‘fess up and come clean with a Rock Crime you’ve committted. Those who confess and apologize will be granted immunity. Those who continue to run from The Truth will be suspects in the next sweep of the Nebraska Manhunt!



  57 Responses to “RTH Confessional: Townspeople, Confess Your Rock Crimes”

  1. It was a felony-wearing shorts on stage…Still haunted by the thought.

  2. Mr. Moderator

    I too have broken the sacred vow against shorts on stage. I ask for your forgiveness.

    I must also ask forgiveness for having recorded a batch of demos using a 200-lb Kramer steel-neck guitar – with teakwood inlays!

  3. hrrundivbakshi

    I once played “We’re An American Band” sitting down on stage. The fact that we played it to a bossa nova beat only made the sin more difficult to forgive. Rock Town Hall, I am sorry!

  4. Oh, where to begin…

    I wore shorts on stage. It was just that one time but still.

    Also, I have engaged in several Rock Iwo Jimas over the years.

    I also took a drunken stab at a duck walk before.

    Some of this stuff is over 20 years old, what’s the statute of limitations on a Rock Crime?

  5. Okay, here goes. I love and respect and admire a certain band, but I also hate them, and deeply. I hate them.

    The Beatles.

  6. i like all kinds of rock, going back to the earliest of earlies, but there is very little blues i can stand. especially that b.b. king stuff.

  7. As a minor, willingly purchased jazz fusion records other than Bitches Brew and Blow By Blow.

  8. Wow. Before I read any responses and only saw the question for this thread, my first thought was “wearing shorts on stage.” This seems to be a common crime. I still cringe whenever any photo from that gig shows up. “The short pants…” I’m so sorry.


  9. I confess to being the owner of record of that 200-lb steel-neck Kramer guitar.

    I also confess to rejecting FM radio until high school preferring the last vestiges of AM’s musical heyday

  10. I’m still holding on to one more so egregious that it might get me banned from these Halls.

  11. Mr. Moderator

    Although I did not covet it, I once “had fun,” as its owner suggested I do, with a headless Steinberger bass.

  12. hrrundivbakshi

    I, too, have duck walked. Forgive me! I have also played the guitar behind my back. Forgive me! I have worn one of those Japanese kamikaze/jungle trooper hats on stage. Forgive me!

  13. Mr. Moderator

    I have taken my shirt off, jumped onstage with another band, and dueted on some Led Zeppelin song with a similarly bare-chested chickenfrank, – like some mirror-imaged Henry Rollins, but lacking the guns.

  14. i performed a trip-hop cover of Billy Joel’s The Stranger at Bob & Barbara’s.
    Tom Lax, owner of the avant-noise record label, Siltbreeze, yelled at my face after the set, “all the fuckin songs there are out there, and ya gotta play that shit!” He was truly angry.
    Who can blame him?

    I also listen tho the Streisand/Gibb collaboration, Guilty on a regular.

  15. I have played a Pat Benatar cover live. No irony or sarcasm involved; Forgive me father.

  16. At the end of a set, I climbed down off my drummer’s seat, strolled front and center and took a bow while the rest of the band was already off stage.

    I am truly sorry.

  17. I would love to see photographic evidence of Mr. Mod playing a Steinberger bass.

  18. i may have a winner..

    Way back in 1988, The first CD I ever bought was Sgt. Pepper..

    but.. the second CD I ever bought…

    Debbie Gibson’s Out Of The Blue.

  19. I can’t quite compete with mickavory, but i wanted to share my version of his rock crime.

    The first CD I ever bought was Something Else by The Kinks.

    The second CD I ever bought was Momentary Lapse of Reason.

  20. Mr. Moderator

    Who would have thought that second-album purchases could be so fraught with rock crimes? Excellent!

  21. I, too, have a second album (in this case, CD) crime.

    First CD ever purchased: The Dead’s American Beauty.

    Second? Scenes From The Southside by Bruce Hornsby & The Range.

    I am truly sorry. Again.

  22. Mr. Moderator

    sonny, your confessions are truly inspiring. You are forgiven.

    In high school I once wrote and organized an attempted Rock Opera. andyr was part of this too – he’s not getting out of this thread without coming clean!

  23. Mod, I went through a very public love affair with Andrew Lloyd Webber while in high school (It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock n roll…). I think it was a combination of my band/trombone career coupled with drum corps theatrics, but either way, it wasn’t very rockin’. I still loved The Beatles, but I had strayed very very far.

    Being very inspired by the Webber bio, I thought that in order to acheive this legendary status, my first musical must be based on something from the Bible (His was Joseph and the Dreamcoat). I began to write a musical based on the book of Job. The opening scene was God and Devil shooting craps in a big production number.

    I ask for forgiveness for the idea of this crime.


  24. Mr. Moderator

    You are forgiven, my son. And I’ve got yet another laugh to carry me through the day. Thanks.

  25. sammymaudlin

    I owned a Steve Miller picture disc until about five years ago. This is a sin and I take full responsibility but please note that it was a gift.

  26. misterioso

    I enjoy a fair amount of Bob Seger, and not only the early, cool records. I own a Bob Seger bootleg. I only occasionally feel bad about these things, so I am not sure if I am ready to ask forgiveness. It’s not like I’m dancing to “Old Time Rock & Roll” on my underwear. But, still, I know it’s not right.

  27. “The opening scene was God and Devil shooting craps in a big production number.”

    HOLY SHIT i love this!

  28. alexmagic

    I’m not sure I qualify for Rock Pastor status, but I do think mickavory would feel a lot better if he performed some penance for his crime in the form of a review of Debbie Gibson’s Out Of The Blue here at the Hall.

    What do you say, man? Are you truly sorry for your Rock Crime?

  29. oh.. 22 years on.. I’m sorry..

    I’m so sorry…

  30. I’ll do a review later on when I decide to listen to it for the first time in about 20 years.

    and.. I can give one decent statement. As sappy as her songs may be.. she did write most of them.

    I have more respect for those who write their own music compared to those turds on American Idol who contribute nothing new to the world. Sure.. sometimes its fun to hear cover songs, but an entire show devoted to only the talent of singing someone else’s creation.. c’mon!!

  31. that doesn’t sound very contrite, MickAvory.

    By the way, about 25 years ago, for a period of a couple months, I had and listened to… a Jimmy Buffet tape. Words can’t justify or mitigate my actions so I will only say that I am heartily sorry and hope that you guys will find it in your hearts to forgive me some day.

  32. OK, I get it now. I’ll also say that I spent a summer (’88?) listening, nay PARTYING to “Momentary Lapse of Reason.” We thought we were at least a smidge cooler than those fair-weather Floyd fans who left with Roger (or before).

  33. Hey Moddie,

    I confessed at the beginning of the thread (see 6th or 7th post down)and i now feel completely at ease.

    Don’t forget that the working on the rock-opera was an officially sanctioned school activity

  34. All these confessions are beyond that statute of limitations. Here’s a fresh corpse; I’ve seen Dave Matthews live. That’s the kind of confession that gets you shiv’d in the showers.

  35. American Idol=World’s Largest Karoake Contest!

    See, the fact that your rock opera was school sanctioned makes me feel even worse about my own crime, which sprung forth from my own mind as a GOOD IDEA. Too bad I never made to the tune where Job’s wife tells him to “just curse God and die.” Happy stuff…


    1. That Debbie Gibson stuff was awful, but at least her PR was that she wrote her own songs. And, she was cute in a perky kind of way. But then, why would anybody voluntarily subject themselves to “Shake your love?”

    2. First CD purchased was Crowded House’s first album. Second was Depeche Mode’s “Music for the Masses.” I remain unbowed over these choices.

    My crime: I believe I have a winner/loser with this one…. I owned (ok, still have in the attic) and played on stage… a Simmons drum set.

    Maybe we should have a Simmons/Steinberger jam session.

  37. my first cassette purcahse was Michael Jackson’s Thriller/

    My second was Quiet Riot’s Metal Health.

    both at Clover at Roosevelt Mall.

    Not really criminal, but i feel like it says a lot about me.

    I still listen to Thriller in my home. I have since acquired it on vinyl.
    I don’t currently own Metal Health, though i can envision stealing Cum on Feel The Noize, Metal Health, and Slick Black Cadillac from youtube and putting them on my ipod to run to at the gym.

    now that sounds like criminal intent.

  38. Mr. Moderator

    andyr, I apologize for my oversight re: your earlier confessions. Go in peace, my son.

  39. cher-the Simmons reference unfortunately unlocked a long-repressed rock crime memory for me. In my late 70’s high school band, at the height of Syndrum mania, my bandmate and I rigged a drum practice pad with a transducer and ran it through a Dr. Q pedal into an amp. It went “Peeeeeuuuuuew”

    What was the pressing need for all this?

    So we could more accurately cover BadCo’s Rock and Roll Fantasy, of course.

    I guess there’s at least 2 rock crimes in there (guilt by association with Paul Rodgers).

  40. Can we have a new poll?

    Choose one:
    Gene Simmons
    Simmons Drums

  41. alexmagic

    Kilroy, you have nothing to apologize for in that last confession. Why did Clover or the Roosevelt Mall even exist if not to buy Michael Jackson or Quiet Riot tapes there? I bet the combined demise of Quiet Riot and cassettes played a big part in Clover closing down.

    I was going to give chickenfrank a pass for his confessions earlier, but I’m glad I didn’t say anything, because this Dave Matthews admission has shaken my faith in the Townsperson I respected most. Were there at least some extenuating circumstances here? I’m really troubled right now.

    But then, why would anybody voluntarily subject themselves to “Shake your love?”

    You may regret asking that, cher. mickavory’s posts here at RTH have given me the impression that he’s an upstanding guy, but like cdm, I get the sense that he may be trying to back out of his rock contrition. Are there any Townspeople among us who are willing to step forward and also pledge a listen to “Out Of The Blue” if he does the right thing and reviews the album here at RTH in this, its historic 23rd anniversary year?

  42. Ok, I’ll listen to it as penance for my Simmons drums. Please note, though, I was 17 when I did that, playing in a high school cover band that was doing Killing An Arab and other such things.

  43. I’m not being contrite. 20 years on I am sorry that I was not into much cooler music as a kid.

    At the time.. the mid/late 80s.. I was in my early teens. The only exposure to ‘good’ music I had was a bit of the Beatles, Monkees, and Rolling Stones. Most of the other crap I owned or listened to was what MTV told me was cool. I couldn’t musically think for myself..

    If you want to know about my other musical digressions as a youth..

    Roxette – Look Sharp
    Bobby Brown – Don’t Be Cruel
    Fresh Prince – He’s The DJ, I’m the Rapper..

    there are others I’m sure.. but I can swear to the fact that the only one I still own is the Debbie Gibson CD. It was the second CD I ever bought and that is my fondness for it. I also shamefully owned at one time her second album.. Electric Youth, but I don’t own that one anymore.

    I appreciate the comment that I’m an upstanding guy. I’ve learned alot about rock since 1988, and since I was 12..

    My tastes have drastically changed. I’m sure there are a few bands that I can tolerate or have a fondness for that might not make the top lists here.. but I guarantee that most of what I listen to fits into this rock circle..

    and.. if you really want me to, I’ll do a review of the album tonight after I dust it off for the first time in about 19 years.

  44. and.. um.. I’ve seen Dave Matthews live also… it was in Houston about 7 years ago with some friends. It was and will be the one and only time.

    he plays here at Jazz Fest every few years and ironically.. i’ve never seen him in my own backyard, but 6 hours away.

  45. alexmagic

    I hope you’re taking my talk of contrition in the spirit it was intended, especially now that I know that you also owned:

    Bobby Brown – Don’t Be Cruel
    Fresh Prince – He’s The DJ, I’m the Rapper…

    …because I proudly owned both and can still quote the lyrics from them today. I can, in fact, recite the entirety of the Fresh Prince Hotline tv commercial, should I ever have to do so.

    But yes, you do need to review the album for the good of the Hall.

  46. Geez, mickavory, you owned the second Debbie Gibson album too? I shudder to think what that sophomore slump sounded like…

    I agree that listening to Out of the Blue again and providing a review for RTH will go a long way towards your spiritual rehabilitation. But in light of the fact that you owned Electric Youth as well, I think you should do so while wearing a hair shirt.

    You’ll feel much better once you’ve unburdened yourself, brother.

  47. Re: DMB (as we insiders refer to him). Friend at work had tickets to Dave in one of those luxury boxes at the Vet, asked if I wanted to go, and I was surprised and caught without a plausible sounding excuse. Luckily, I was able to enjoy the freeform musical explorations high above the scent of patchouli and B.O, and the dangers of errantly launched hacky-sacks. Judging by the interminable length of each song, he could easily have written the set-list on a post it note.

    But isn’t any explanation akin to an abuser blaming his breaches on the alcohol? I need to own my dirty crimes; dishonored and not worthy of your respect.

    Mick, I thought I saw you at the DMB Anonymous meeting! Keep working the program, man.

  48. I can personally vouch for mickavory’s rock cred. I’ve seen his record collection and I look forward to his review.

    I owned the WWF Wrestling Album back in the late 80s. I then rebought the thing in the mid 00s, so how’s that one for a rock crime.

    I’m sure that we all have some “sentimental duds” in our record collections. Those records that can only be explained by childhood ties and/or gifts that we refused to let go of. We know they’re crap, but we still dust them off and give them a spin for old time’s sake.

    What about the records we bought just to complete the catalogue of a particular artist? I still can’t figure out The Hunter by Blondie. I have tried to play that record and find something worthwhile. It’s a turd of the highest order. But I own it because I MUST have evrry studio album by Blondie. It’s a sickness. I know it. I admit it.


  49. Fresh Prince Hotline? I never heard of it, but it sounds pretty awesome (but not for $2 per minute):

  50. Bless me Mr. Moderator, it’s been too long since my last rock confession. As a high school English teacher teaching “Tintern Abbey,” I played “Stairway to Heaven.” Yes, I was that English teacher. What’s my penance?

  51. People have been asking for it.. so here it goes.

    Debbie Gibson ‘Out of the Blue’ 1987 Atlantic Records.

    First off, the cover. Debbie isn’t bad looking for non-whorish 80s teen queens. The picture has her distant on a white background where you can barely see her face. She has a ripped knee-hole with a face painted on her bare knee. Her hair is teased and there is a white teddy bear with a watch on laying next to her. Crappy cover.

    The songs: The overall consensus is that these are not horrible songs. Debbie did write every one of them and there is a lyric sheet in the booklet. She either found love, got her heart stomped on or doesn’t know shit about relationships. You pick. Every song is about love or losing love. I guess a very 80s pop theme.

    Also, every song has bad 80s synth & fake drums. These are studio songs that probably won’t come off well live.

    Out of the Blue: the title song and a hit. Typical of mid/late 80s pop hits and quite catchy.

    Staying Together: it has cheezy sound effects in the beginning with that stupid spoken word intro of the era. There are also goofy synth noises throughout.

    Only in my Dreams: Another big hit & not a bad pop song. Also catchy.

    Foolish Beat: a slower mid-tempo ballad with that ‘pleading’ type vocal chorus.

    Red Hot: a little more up-beat. It could be made more rocking and done by a VanHagar type band.

    Wake Up To Love: kind of lame with a calypso beat.

    Shake Your Love: Everyone’s favorite. This sounds like an exact rip-off of a Gloria Estefan song. Remember, that was big in the late 80s.

    Fallen Angel: this is the heavy ballad on the LP about how I was lost and your love guided me to the way. It is the most ‘rock-like’ track here.

    Play the Field: Ouch. This has some bad synth.

    Between the Lines: This is a slow pop ballad that could easily have been done by other acts.

    Overall, this is not a horrible LP. It is no worse than other similar artists of the day like Paula Abdul, Tiffany, Rick Astley, etc. All of those ‘cheezy’ pop artists…

    I could see some of these songs fit right in with the Britneys, Spices, & Christinas of today. But, the songs aren’t dirty. Debbie wasn’t ever made up like a whore. That was her appeal. Good Clean Fun like Papa Nez would say.

    This is not a bad album for its time and its genre. We have to put that in proper perspective. Does it fit in with American Beauty or Revolver or Pet Sounds or Dark Side of the Moon? No way. There are probably thousands of better LPs. But, for 80s lite pop its perfect. I like it and you could too!!

    The sad part is that her biggest hit and probably best song “Lost In Your Eyes” was on the second LP Electric Youth. I don’t own that one anymore so I can’t review it.

    Also, I was concerned about laser rot since this CD is 22 years old. However, it played fine. Maybe because this is only the fourth or fifth time it has been played.

    Just a short digression for all of you hungry Debbie Gibson fans. The LP is out of print by the way so you sadly can’t run out and buy it. Now, back to school work (I’m a high school teacher in my other life.)

    THE Mick Avory

  52. Mr. Moderator

    Nice work, Mick! You have atoned in the eyes of Bob Seger and his Silver Bullet Band.

    chuckflack, so good to have you back. You’re welcome any time in the house of the Sege. I can imagine you being a range of THAT English teachers, but your transgressions are beyond what I could have imagined. Nevertheless, you have done the right thing and stepped forward to confess. For your penance I will deliver a box of gatefold albums from the ’70s. You will be required to dust the gatefolds and collect tithings for our upkeep and spiritual enlightenment.

  53. The English teacher crime reminded me: My 7th grade English teacher played that Rick Wakeman King Arthur LP in its entirety for the class. I’m not sure why she did it other than as a desperate attempt to display some prog cred with the kids (this was in 75). Not my crime, but I think an arrest warrant is called for.

  54. Well, Mick, your reward for suffering/enduring/enjoying that Debbie Gibson record is the following: Grown up DEBORAH Gibson (and her ass). Guys, this one may or may not be safe for work, but it’s not filthy. Use discretion…


  55. Nice work, Mick. Although not necessarily an act of contrition, you are taking ownership for your actions in the past, and I commend you for that.

    I, on the other hand, am left grappling with conflicted feelings. Having recently unburdened myself regarding some very questionable behavior in my past, I now recall, prompted by your post, liking “Only in my Dreams” by Ms. Gibson. And although I haven’t heard it in years, I think I might still like it. This is certainly an uncomfortable realization, kind of akin to being absolved of your sins, only to be caught masturbating while still in the confessional booth.

  56. Great, TB. Now Mr. Mod is frantically typing up his review of Zoey Deschanel’s last album while Sammy Maudlin works on his review of the Black Snake Moan album in hopes of securing a “reward”

  57. plasticsun

    I must confess that I actually went to see Duran Duran – I might make the excuse that my girlfriend wanted to go or that it was 1982 and they were not that popular. I did not, however, enjoy it. Please forgive me.

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