Jul 182009

July 17 — London, England — Longtime Broadway musical composer Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber admitted today that he was the “mastermind” behind numerous faux-metal hits purportedly written by melody-speed metal band Dragonforce. In interviews conducted at Weber’s Chelsea residence, the composer of numerous hit musicals confessed: “Maybe it’s the brandy talking, or maybe I’m just missing Elton like crazy, but… for goodness sake — couldn’t the music-listening world spot a late-20th-century ‘Lion King’ melody when they hear one? I mean, seriously… just listen to that song ‘Through the Fire and the Flames.’ It’s like ‘Cats’ or something.”

Weber went on to point out that though he had hired “pretty boys” to play the astonishingly fast guitar solos that undergird the band’s repertoire, “I want the whole world to know, those two really can play that fast. I truly think today’s youth could learn a thing or two about discipline, determination, and — yes — athleticism from those two youngsters.”

Perhaps the evening’s most telling moment unfolded when a representative of online music blog Rock Town Hall asked Weber why he had bothered writing music for the speed-metal band. After spilling his brandy alexander, Weber confessed that he “relished a challenge,” and added that he wanted to “do his part to finally and fully break down the conceptual walls between what is considered musical theatre and what is considered ‘heavy metal,'” adding, “I mean, really: that fine line between Judas Priest and ‘Les Miserables’ was just begging to be smudged, wasn’t it?” He then mumbled something that couldn’t be deciphered about the tastes of 15-year-old boys and the Broadway musical genre, and fell abruptly under the table.

Approximately 5 minutes later, the songwriter excused himself, saying he was overdue for a foot massage, and directed all follow-up questions to his personal chef, Jacques. Jacques immediately left the room, and the briefing was brought to a close.


  9 Responses to “RTH Exclusive — Andrew Lloyd Weber Admits: I Wrote All That Dragonforce Shit”

  1. Mr. Moderator

    What a scoop!

  2. AL-W: “couldn’t the music-listening world spot a late-20th-century ‘Lion King’ melody when they hear one? “

    NO. not listening.

    AL-W: “I mean, seriously… just listen to that song ‘Through the Fire and the Flames.’

    NO. it’s rubbish.

    AL-W: “It’s like ‘Cats’ or something.”

    DIDN’t listen to that either.


    RockTown Hall is no place for even the name AL-W

  3. Mr. Moderator

    The genie’s been let out of the bottle, f.g.marshall-stacks. I’m not powerful enough to put it back.

  4. jeangray

    What????? No love for “Jesus Christ Superstar?”

  5. Honestly, I don’t know about what happened on that interview (nothing personal, but I don’t you guys good enough to be sure if this “RTH Exclusive” is reliable or not), so I’ll stick to what is for sure: Andrew Lloyd Webber is one of the greatest names in music, when it comes to composing. He is the name behind many classics, like Phantom of The Opera, Sunset Boulevard, Cats, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar and many, many other famous musicals and songs (like “Amigos para Siempre”, for example). When it comes to music, that guy is simply brilliant.

    I am a huge fan of rock’n’roll and like many songs from all its variants (from Elvis to Pantera, passing by Metallica, Eric Clapton,Iron Maiden, S.O.A.D, Puddle of Mud and so on). But no one can deny the amazing firepower this composer has.

    Honestly, do something for the sake of your musical knowledge and taste: allow yourself to watch (not just listen), without any prejudice, one of AWL’s works. If you’re in doubt, try Phantom of the Opera. You cannot go wrong with that.

  6. hrrundivbakshi

    Hey, Ecletic —

    LOL! Seriously, that’s some funny stuff. Anybody with a razor-sharp sense of the absurd is welcome in these parts — thanks for adding to the good times!


  7. I was just in the process of writing up a response to this and as a goof, I was going to compare AL-W to the guy who wrote Starlight Express,the “rock” musical from the 80’s where every one was on roller skates. Guess who wrote that one too?

    That AW-L really has all of the bases covered.

  8. Hey HVB (I’ve gotta use the abbreviation, because I’ll go loco if I have to copy+paste your name every time I refer to you, hehehe),

    Thanks for the welcome, I’ll surely be around. Any place with good music and a high level of insanity is a good place.

    And you’re right, cdm: that ALW guy has all bases covered. He’s just that brilliant – and crazy -.

  9. Don’t forget “sucky”.

    Welcome aboard.

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