Mar 182009

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Bob Dylan has sung about wind many times — winds of change, the “Idiot Wind,” and the winds that hit heavy on the borderline.

But some of his California neighbors on Tuesday were singing a new tune about what is blowin’ in the wind from his Malibu toilet.

A family living near the 67-year-old folk and rock icon’s house in the posh California beachside community of Malibu have complained to city officials about an outdoor portable toilet, which is apparently used by guards on Dylan’s compound.

Cindy and David Emminger say the toilet wafts fumes from waste treatment chemicals, and that the smell carried by breezes from the Pacific Ocean makes their family feel ill.

“It’s a scandal – ‘Mr Civil Rights’ is killing our civil rights,” David Emminger told the Los Angeles Times.

Full story here- Bob Dylan’s toilet smell blows in the wind

Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is top both my and Reuter’s headlines for this story. Should any Townsman, or Townswoman be “caught or killed, The Back Office will disavow any knowledge of your actions.


  26 Responses to “The Free Peein’ Bob Dylan”

  1. mockcarr

    Like a Roiling Stool?
    Spanish Rectum Incident?
    All I Really Wanna Poo?

  2. mockcarr

    It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes One Noisome Bowel Movement Outside To Make Your Neighbors Cry

  3. One of the other headlines I saw, maybe on Gawker, was “Tangled Up in Poo.”

  4. hrrundivbakshi

    I Shall Pee-Pee

    Bob Dylan’s Poos

    If Not for Poo

  5. alexmagic

    “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Peeing)”? Hmm, I don’t think mockcarr’s last one is going to be topped.

    Didn’t Dylan kind of predict this whole thing in Desolation Row? “The riot squads are restless, they need somewhere to go” seems like his pre-emptive defense for putting in an outhouse for his security staff. And he knew his neighbors would eventually be “off sniffing drainpipes.”

  6. dbuskirk

    “Neighborhood Bully”

  7. BigSteve

    I love this comment from the mayor in the news story:

    “I really have not involved myself in Bob Dylan’s toilet, and by the way I haven’t involved myself in anyone else’s toilet in Malibu,” Stern told Reuters.

  8. alexmagic

    After further thought, I retract my suggestion of “Desolation Row” as the most pertinent Dylan song for this situation and will refer everyone to track six from Love And Theft, the appropriately-named “Floater”.

    Dylan sings: “sometimes it’s just plain stupid, to get into any kind of wind”; “they say times are hard, if you don’t believe it you can follow your nose”; “you can smell the pinewood burnin'”; and then warns all those who might complain about his outhouse policies that “If you ever try to interfere with me or cross my path again, you do so at the peril of your life.”

  9. hrrundivbakshi

    Does the word “crester” appear in any Dylan songs?

  10. Mr. Moderator

    Hrrundi, I take it you’re also a fan of this back cover shot:

  11. BigSteve

    At you can in fact search the lyrics for keywords. No ‘crester.’

    I should point out that Dylan did cover the old song Rank Strangers To Me on the album Down In the Groove.

  12. sammymaudlin

    alexmagic said “Floater”. Hehehe.

  13. 2000 Man

    Bob Dylan’s 115th Turd Has Neighbors Fixn’ To Die

  14. Just Like Tom’s Bum’s Poos

    Lily, Rosemary & Their Lack of Farts

    Shelter From The Shit-Storm

    You’re Gonna Make Me Irksome When You “Go”

    Positively Fart Street

    “Dirt Road” Blues

    Not Fart Yet

    All Along The Septic System

    Don’t Stink Twice, It’s Not Alright

    It Ain’t Pee, Babe

    This Dump’s On Fire

    ‘Til I Fell In Love With Poo

    Can You Please Close Up Your Windows

    Lay one, Lady, Lay one

    Windy Day Women, No. 1 & 2

    Non-Subterranean Outhouse Blues

  15. Honey, Just Allow Me One More Crap

    Stuck inside the Porta-Potty with the Runny Poos Again

    hehehe toilet humor.

  16. sammymaudlin

    Mr. Mod? Are you above this type of discussion? Too busy name-checking obscure African horn players to join in our reindeer games?

  17. sammymaudlin

    BTW. I had no idea that Bob Dylan was “Mr. Civil Rights”. That’s cool.

  18. Yeah, I think he was crowned “Mr. Civil Rights” in 1974. I think Bert Parks used to host that pageant, too. Who can ever forget that theme song? It took some of the sting out of Dylan’s embarrassing showing at the “Mr. Universe” competition that year.

  19. Mr. Moderator

    Sammy, I was planning on playing along, but mockcarr and HVB blew my ass out of the water right out of the gates, and then Alexmagic started finding premonitions of this in Dylan’s old lyrics. I felt it was a good time to sit back and simply admire the collective wisdom of the Hall.

    Look at the headlines I might have suggested and tell me if I wasn’t wise for conceding to my more skilled Townsfolk:

    “Positively Shit Street”
    “It Ain’t Pee Babe”
    “Just Like a Choda”
    “Visions of Diarrhea”
    “Stench from the Dylan Estate”
    “A Hard Shit’s Gonna Splash”

    Mad props to those of you who kicked my ass!

  20. “To pee alone with you”

    “idiot wind” (no editorializing needed)

    Kohler (Tales of Celebrity Power)

  21. BigSteve

    Most Likely You’ll ‘Go’ Your Way And I’ll ‘Go’ Mine

  22. Mr. Moderator

    Nice work, BigSteve. I was trying to find a way to make that one work. You broke the code.

  23. sammymaudlin

    I dunno. “Positively Shit Street” made me laugh all by myself. And again just now when I typed it.

    Don’t sell yourself short, judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.

  24. Ballad in Plain Doodie
    If You Gotta “Go”, “Go” Now
    I Don’t Believe You (She Acts Like She Never Has Shat)
    Working Man’s Blues “#2”
    On The Load Again
    Corn-flecked Pill Box Crap
    When The Dookie Goes Down
    Outlaw Poos
    “Can’t Wait”
    It’s All Over Now, Baby Poo
    Million Dollar Splash
    You Ain’t “Goin'”Nowhere
    Don’t Open The Door, Homer
    Tears of Strain
    The “Wicked Messenger”
    As I Sat Down One Morning
    Tell Me That Isn’t Poo
    I Blew It All Away
    One More Shite
    When I Poot My Masterpiece
    If Logs Run Free
    Cold Toilet Seats Bound
    Pooter-cyclone Nightmare
    From a Porta-Potty 6
    One More Cup of Coffee ‘Fore The Load

    Man, this insomnia sucks!

  25. Too funny – all of them. I love Bobby B’s “If You Gotta “Go”, “Go” Now” (and I mean that in all seriousness)

    There is nothing like a little scatalogical humour to get me to laugh so hard that I cry. My wife wondered why I was laughing so hard the other nite while watching the daily show when Jon Stewart made some Teabagging & Dirty Sanchez jokes.

    Mr Mod & Chicken – how many hours did we laugh about the Decendants cover while “On the Road” Also Mr Mod, your suggestion of “A Hard Shit’s Gonna Splash” is also a winner

  26. Andy, Don’t forget his “rusty trombone” reference. I agree, that was a hoot. Oh, thanks for the “props” on “If You Gotta “Go”…”.

    Bodily functions; they’re the 1st thing we laugh at, & the one thing that stays funny throughout life (& anyone denying this is either completely humorless or a liar).

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