Folks, the chuckles we’ve been getting out of EPG’s dismissive “singin’ through your beard” references have forced the RTH Labs to ponder: Does the growing of a Rock Beard always signal a turn for the creative worse? After numerous meetings, internal research notes, and PowerPoint presentations, my colleagues in the white lab coats say there’s only one way to find out. We need your help!
Here’s what you must do: think of a rock/soul personality who conspicuously grew a beard at some point in their career. Review their creative output prior to the arrival of their neck-felt, and compare it with what came after. Ask yourself this simple question: Did things get better or worse?
NOTE: The goal of this exercise is not to ascertain whether there are any quality bearded rockers out there. We are trying to determine whether the arrival of a beard portends creative flaccidity. Here are a few analyses to get you started:
True story. I’m in 7th grade, and my English teacher, Mrs. Millichap, finds out I’m a huge Beatles fan. Not much detective work is necessary. I’ve got the classic band logo scribbled on all my paper bag book covers, I’m wearing the Lennon specs, and I’ve always got my nose buried in a Beatle book (the Hunter Davies bio, The Man Who Gave the Beatles Away, Growing Up with the Beatles, etc.) if I finish a class task early.
Anyway, right before Christmas vacation, Mrs. Millichap tells me to stay after school for a half an hour or so. She’s got two presents for me: Highway 61 Revisited and a book by Paul Gambaccini (I think that’s his name) called the 100 Greatest Rock Albums of All Time. “Something to keep you busy during your break.” A real sweetheart. People like Mrs. Millichap are like angels sent from heaven, especially when you’re living in a small town where the number one band for anyone between the ages of 10 and 30 is the Scorpions.
So I zip home, tear the shrink off the Dylan LP, flop it on the turntable, study the front and back cover, and check out the Gambacccini book. After the 10-day break, I return to school, and my scholastic career begins to go right down the crapper. All I can think about is getting my hands on some more Dylan LPs and as many of those LPs mentioned in the Gambaccini book.
One of the top 100 is a bootleg called In 1966, There Was… It’s a live Dylan acoustic/electric concert from Manchester Free Hall. A large chunk of the critics believe it to be the greatest live concert of all time. All I can think about is getting my grubby little hands on this thing to find out what all the fuss is about.
To make a long story short, my detective work leads me to a record store/bootleg press out of North Carolina called Pied Piper Records: “Hundreds of live recordings for sale on vinyl and tape” is how the company advertises itself in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, in its classified section. I send away for the Pied Piper catalog, and sure as I’m sittin’ here, the friggin’ record is listed for 10 dollars! It’s a whole lot of money, but it’s worth the extra yard work. I send off the loot and 4 weeks later (yeah, back then delivery was 4 to 6 weeks for some reason or another) it shows up. Never in the history of mankind has anyone ripped through cardboard and shrink wrap so quickly and haphazardly.
I flop side 1 down on the turntable. Acoustic mumbers from Bringing It All Back Home, Highway 61, and Blonde on Blonde. Just Bob and his guitar. Pure heaven. Up to this point, I’d never heard the man live.
Side 2. Electric band. Sloppy arrangements, sloppy playing, sloppy everything. The verdict? Terrible. Continue reading »
Counting backwards, at the 3:45 mark, Lou provides what may be the definitive explanation of the true Lou Reed sound – at least as of the time of this interview. Don’t miss it!
Seeing as how my last attempt to bring a little fun and games to the hallowed halls was such a dismal failure…I’m trying again!
This time, I’m looking for a little creativity from you. Assisted creativity, that is. Following is a list of words and/or phrases. Your job is to produce a brief writing sample using the stipulated number of words and/or phrases, in all required categories. Format is unimportant — free verse, drama/play, haiku, essay, satire, whatever — but you must use the required words as indicated below! As always, the “winner” — determined by our Moderator — receives a prize and a virtual raspberry from all assembled.
I look forward to your responses.
Category A — Look (choose two)
Weatherbeaten leather jacket
“Aviator”-style sunglasses
Chuck Taylors
David Lee Roth “full bug” cowboy boots
Steve Vai Hair
Bill Cosby sweater
Mr. Moderator’s coiffure
Tom Petty’s teeth
Keef’s false teef
Kneepads
Y-front underpants
One sparkly glove
Walter Becker’s beard
Bob Seger’s grandpa glasses
Category B — Music (choose up to two)
Hip-hop
Power pop
Death metal
Classic rock
Disco
Oom-pah
Polka
Field hollers
Category C — Key Personalities (choose one or two)
Bill Wyman
Lou Reed
Billy Barty
Seth Dick III
Sib Hashian
The Prince Of Wales
Alex Van Halen
Joe Tex
Jeff Lynne
Jim Dandy
Waddy Wachtel
Lee Sklar
Ray Cooper
Paul McCartney
Bob Seger
Category D — Catch Phrases (choose no more than three)
“That’s gotta hurt!”
“Look at the size of that thing!”
“Shut up and scrape the bowl.”
“Ever since Nicholson won his Oscar, it’s been like this.”
“Does that thing have peanuts in it?”
“Now that’s what I call an ass-whuppin’!”
“I… I am filled with shame.”
“Ride ’em, cowboy!”
“Never mind all that. Have you seen Soul Plane yet?”
“GOD, that stinks!”
“Matt Damon!”
“That’s what SHE said!”
“Like a rock!”
Category E — Lyric Snippets (choose at least one)
“Come about hard, and join the young and often spring you gave”
“Mama say, mama sah, mama-ku-sah”
“I started a joke, which started the whole world laughing”
“My best friend, he shoots water rats and feeds hem to his geese”
“78 revolutions a minute, now!”
“There was nothing in my life bigger than beer”
“Juicy fruit… juicy!”
“Let me tell you how it will be”
“Wang dang, what a sweet poontang… she got a thang like a rang-a-dang-a-dang!”
“You keep scraping away”
“Her mommy was Mex’can, and her daddy was the ace of spades”
“Just get an electric guitar, and take some time, and learn how to play”
Category F — Food (choose no more than two)
Dr. Brown’s Celery Soda
Zagnut
Burgers ‘n beer
One hot kielbasa
Jack Daniel’s
The bearded clam
One pinched loaf
Chicken legs
Dinty Moore Beef Stew
Vienna sausages
Melons
When you were younger, did you ever stop to wonder whether you would tire of or outgrow a particular album or artist? Which album or artist was it? Did you?
What band would be improved by the removal of one musician, with no replacement?
What’s the most shocking album that you discovered a family member owned?
Is there a piece of music that represents, for you, a particular, personal state of mind? No need to share the particular, personal state of mind, but please share the musical representation of one of your unique states of mind.
What’s your least-favorite of the acknowledged “great” albums by The Rolling Stones?
Been away some time? First-time visitor? Some threads continue to have life in our collective mind long after saner heads would turn out the lights and hit the hay. For instance:
