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Jeff Lynne: Master Craftsman or Just a Tool?

Feb 182007

Folks: it’s with a somewhat heavy heart that I have to open up a dialog on a topic of some internal conflict for me, namely: how much do I really like Jeff Lynne?

The truth is, I’ve always been deeply conflicted about this guy. On the one hand, he wrote, arranged, performed and produced some of the most pleasing ear candy to emerge from the 70s — an era when radio competition was particularly fierce. For a while there, the guy was unstoppable, and *prolific* to boot. And those songs! Pure pop perfection!

Even his lesser numbers — like the material he tossed off for the godawful Olivia Neutron Bomb vehicle “Xanadu” — kicked ass. What pop tunesmith wouldn’t give his right arm to be able to write something like “I’m Alive,” or the title track from that movie?

And it’s not like Mr. Lynne doesn’t also have an impeccable pop/rock pedigree, to boot. Lesser rock nerds will of course know that he was a critically important member of the underappreciated late-phase Move, along with Mod fave Roy Wood. Serious Prock aficionados will even have heard a track or two from his admirable early efforts with the Idle Race. And — Lord knows — he keeps all the “right company” *these* days.

So what is it about this guy that keeps him rattling around in the same box where I keep my Jellyfishes, Ringo solo albums, Badfinger singles and such? More than any artist, I want to say — at the same time — “he’s awesome!” and “he’s a hack!” I mean, I don’t feel this way about Hall & Oates, fercrissake!

Is it the signature, unmistakable production? The have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too attitude towards wanting to be “orchestral” and candy-coated at the same time? The awful Look? Just plain jealousy? What is it?

I’m hoping that hearing what the rest of you think about Mr. Lynne will help me come to grips with my feelings on the man.

I look forward to your responses.

All-Star Jam

Posted by Gerry Todd

Feb 172007

All-Star Jam. Come on out of the shadows.

Half Assed Rant: The Stones Suck Live!

Posted by andyr

Feb 162007

When the whole discussion about The Rolling Stones’lackluster performance in “Rock & Roll Circus” came up on RTH recently, it got me to thinking, Are The Stones ever good live? I’ve seen firsthand the “mach schau” they put on in concert (September 1981 at Philly’s old JFK stadium). No frontman before or since one moved like the nancy-pants Mick Jagger did. No one looked less pleased to be playing live than Bill Wyman. No one looked smaller on the big stage than Charlie Watts did at that show. Only Ron Woodand Keith Richards seemed up to the task of rocking the 100,000 or so fans in attendance. The only thing that saved me from completely hating the show was getting high for the second time in my life (the first time being the night before on my 18th birthday).

So they may be over-the-top live – too much so for my taste – but some fans counter that they are a “great live band” in a musical sense. The People must be right? They have released at least 8 live albums so the thinking could go, They must be doing something good live. But do people actually like these albums? I had Got Live if You Want It and Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out and I could never get into them. You know what always bummed me out? All the songs were sluggish! It’s like Charlie Watts thought he could get some extra oomph in the songs by playing them 15% slower. No thank you! I want to see some ENERGY live. I want to hear some ENERGY live.

Jagger’s vocals also bum me out. I know it is hard to sing when you are shaking your butt like Charo and skipping across the stage but some of fans actually want to hear the melodies and hear the tone of the singer’s voice they’ve grown accustomed to hearing on record.

Am I alone in this half-assed rant? Anyone care to back me up? What does RTH think?

KISS Army Reunion: Band of Brothers

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Feb 152007

I have personal reasons for organizing Rock Town Hall’s First Annual KISS Army Reunion. Some moderators may be hesitant to share, but that’s not my style. In sharing, however, it is likely that old wounds will be reopened. Whether scabbed or scarred over, these wounds have not healed. We’ve got to treat the infection, treat the cause of our collective cultural suffering, and then perhaps, we will restore the brotherhood in rock that was our generation’s birthright.

In 1978, KISS released the double-album greatest hits collection, Double Platinum. I was 15 years old, deep in the process of a rock ‘n roll reawakening that had been put on hold sometime around the age of 8, when I first became immersed in sports. My brother was 10, wrapping up his stint in Cub Scouts and finding his way in a family that had focused too much attention on Big Brother.

The Last Waltz and The Kids Are Alright were being shown at midnight screenings. I bought my first few punk albums. The Clash’s Rude Boy, Quadrophenia, and a host of other midnight movies were right around the corner! It was becoming clear that professional athletics was not a career option, so I bought a guitar and, with a friend, began formulating an attack on the status quo.

My brother wanted Double Platinum on cassette for Christmas, and to my dismay, his wish was granted. Continue reading »

In Defense of KISS: 5 Reasons Why They Rule and Their Critics Eat Stool

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Feb 152007

Rodney Anonymous checks in with the following defense of KISS.

5 Reasons Why They Rule and Their Critics Eat Stool

1) Gene Simmons has slept with over 5000 women (Terry Gross included). OK, before you launch into your “So what? [Insert name of under appreciated angst-ridden indeed artist here] made great records with intelligent lyrics and used augmented 9th chords” rant, just take a minute to remember why you picked up a guitar in the first place: Here kitty, kitty, kitty! Do you think Alex Chilton could’ve nailed Cher back when she was worth bragging about nailing? And I’m even gonna give Simmons bonus points for being a Jew!

2) Knights In Satan’s Service. Yeah, I know that KISS really wasn’t an acronym for that. But hey, AC/DC didn’t stand for “Antichrist/Devil Child” and REM wasn’t shorthand for “Rectally Engaged Mumblefest”. The point is that YOUR PARENTS (and nearly every Baptist youth pastor) believed that’s what KISS stood for. They went to bed each night with one eye open out of fear that some track on Love Gun would incite you to patricide. What did mommy and daddy think when you started listening to Belle and Sebastian? “Hmmm…how pleasant. I think we’ll do the den in beige.”

3) “She’s a dancer, a romancer. She’s a Capricorn and I’m a Cancer.” I am, without dispute, America’s greatest living lyricist, and not even I could’ve thought of a line that clever. By singling out a specific zodiac sign, KISS managed to convince approximately 1/12 of the world’s female population that they were singing to them. (See reason #1.)

4) KISS Meets the Phantom. Not only did KISS meet the Phantom, they kicked his ass and the asses of their evil robotic twins. This single act would remain an unparalleled moment in Rock ‘n’ Roll for almost 20 years, until the 1990 Lifetime Network premier of Jesus and Mary Chain Save Christmas.

5) The guys who worked at the gas station liked ‘em. Sure those guys might not have taken the same college prep courses you did, but they didn’t shell out $12.98 for a copy of Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music either.

Thank you. We will now consider this matter closed. Don’t make me kick your asses.

Hags of Our Fathers

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Feb 152007

Townsman Chickenfrank felt compelled to express a long-held view.

KISS suck and have always sucked. They were the Village People of soft-core heavy metal. Take two parts CATS Broadway musical, one part Vincent Price cheesy horror movie, borrow heavily from Alice Cooper, and mix until flaccid. Voila, KISS. “I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night” is one step above “We Built This City On Rock and Roll” as a fist-raising anthem, and their biggest hit was “Beth”, which has got to be the inspiration for Tufnel’s “Lick My Love Pump”. KISS Army?!?! Bring the troops home!

Letters from the KISS Army

Posted by Mr. Moderator

Feb 152007

Townspeople of a certain age were queried on their KISS memories. Let’s begin by calling roll.
ROLL CALL!

Randy: I can’t stand KISS. Or their army. In fact, it wouldn’t bother me a bit if all our troops were pulled out of Iraq and replaced by the KISS Army. Kill two birds with one stone.

Chickenfrank: KISS Army deserter.

JimmyMac: I’m not a KISS Army vet per se. However, I was an avid KISS fan and am somewhat versed in their history. I also have a modest repository of memorabilia that surfaced during my recent move. Metaphorically speaking I guess I had musical “flat feet” and never was drafted. (I never dressed up like KISS and didn’t attend a concert until my 30s. By that point, they had already become a lampoon of themselves. Two 50-ish Jewish men lumbering around the stage in fancy dress desperately in need of a schvitz by mid-set.)

Rich: I wanted to join, but I failed the physical. Had to become a Ted Nugent Weekend Warrior instead.

Chris: Officially? No. I was a diehard fan; they were my first concert (AC/DC opened). I have all the vinyl, but I never enlisted. I have painted my face before, actually with two of my brothers and a bandmate for the reunion tour in ’96. I was Ace, if you’re wondering.

Al: I never joined either. I was one of those kids that members of the KISS Army liked to beat up.

General Slocum: The KISS Army, as far as I can remember, first came to us via an insert to the album Rock and Roll Over, which was the album that burst my bubble, and confirmed for me that the direction they were going on Destroyer was only going to continue, and worse. And in the mid-70s, most of us were at least hippie enough to resent anything that so smacked of little-league fascism as to be called an “army.” For their first 4 records (up to Alive) they were one of my fave bands. Those albums still have a simple idiocy which appeals to me. We went last summer to a church fair up here, and there was a kid running one of the toddler rides, and while John was on the ride, we complemented his KISS Army tattoo. He said he had just gotten it. I said they were my first concert, and he said “me, too!” I said, mine was 32 years ago, and I saw them when Dressed to Kill was out. His eyes got big, with a combination reverence, and what may have been fear of diseases to which modern humans may no longer have antibodies. It was a perspective-stretching excercise for us both. But, no, I never joined up.

Dean: I never joined and will confess to never owning or liking KISS. Good for a laugh but nothing more…

A good friend in high school was an uber fan (and almost certainly an Army recruit), but I didn’t join him. He did however introduce me to prog-rock and we both attended my first rock concert – ELP at the Spectrum.

So, my question to you KISS fans – Is Paul Stanley gay? Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I have seriously wondered.
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