May 172010
 


Wasn’t there a crack in a Seinfeld episode in which Jerry, I believe, said to George something to the effect of anyone who wears a sweatsuit in public for non-sports-related purposes is announcing that they’ve given up on life? I believe Natalie Merchant is the musical equivalent of that sweatsuit. I know a lot of you R.E.M. fans thought she was special when 10,000 Maniacs first hit and she was Michael Stipe‘s tour bus partner, but come on, if you’re listening to Natalie Merchant in 2010 are you announcing to the world that you’ve given up on music?

Actually, rather than pile on with negativity, as we here in the Halls of Rock Town are sometimes wont to do, let’s make an extra effort effort to find something good to say about, you know, stuff that is clearly godawful.

It is in that spirit that we embark on yet another effort to bring some positivity to our proceedings. Please spend some quality time with the video above, then — if you can — please find something nice to say about it. You’ll feel a whole lot better, I promise you.

I look forward to your comments. Just remember, if you can’t say anything nice about this video… please don’t say anything at all.

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May 172010
 

This could be your first demo tape!

A premature premonition of Ronnie James Dio’s impending death, circa 1984, so rocked a Townsman and his old college buddy that they quickly picked up pen, axe, and other tools of the recording arts and bashed out the following number.

“On Horses We Ride”

Our colleague, who wishes to remain anonymous, hopes that along with providing solace for fans of Dio that this ancient recording will inspire participants in Rock Town Hall’s Talent(less) Search: My First Demo, coming soon!

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May 172010
 

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I know next to squat about the recently deceased Ronnie James Dio. I know he replaced Ozzy Osbourne in Black Sabbath, and I think I know he was really short. And I know he led a band called Dio. He seemed like a totally reasonable, level-headed guy in this recently conducted interview. I’m only slightly surprised, after learning in recent years that heavy metal icons can be regular blokes too.

It’s hard enough for any rocker to age. Rockers in some genres can turn to folkier, bluesier singer-songwriter material to grow dignified and old, but what’s an aging icon of metal to do? Robert Plant, not quite a heavy metal singer, but close enough for discussion, has classed up his act into his 60s by effectively going roots-rock. Has any other metal musician found a way to make music and present himself in a way more appropriate to his age? Is Ritchie Blackmore and his medieval lute-rock the next best attempt? Has Metallica effectively prepared for old age by crafting their middle-aged PowerPoint Rock Strategy?

Hear this audio tribute.

NEXT: Rock Town Hall’s Official Eulogy…
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May 152010
 

Last night my wife and I tottered down to our local hotel. To see a band that I have waited 18 years to see: The Chills, one of New Zealand’s finest exports and central to the Flying Nun story of the 1980s and ’90s.

The Chills have an incredible catalogue of songs to select from, although you could probably never say hand on heart that they had a bona fide ‘hit’. But what has always hit the spot, and did again last night is this thunderous, floor-shaking anthem “I Love My Leather Jacket.”

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The song is a dedication to Martyn Bull, a drummer in The Chills, who died aged 22. The question Townsmen my wife wondered out loud is this. Is there a better song in memory of a departed friend than this one from The Chills?

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May 142010
 

Townsman andyr and his wife have reported the following series of Rock Crimes. Sensitive viewers are cautioned before proceeding to the video evidence, which was captured by the iPhone of an anonymous audience member. The authorities are currently interviewing witnesses. Please feel free to provide your own testimony in the Comments section for this post. Thank you, andyr family, for your bravery and good citizenship in reporting these crimes.

Watch video evidence of Rock Crimes of flash mob proportions…after the jump!
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May 142010
 

Name a sexual act mentioned or described in the lyrics to a song.

Specific acts can only be named once. Variations in terminology do not count as additional opportunities to repeat a specific act. So, for instance, I’ll start off with bestiality in “Had It With You,” by Paul Westerberg (“Like Catherine the Great underneath a big horse, your sexual preference is me of course.”)

All other bestiality songs are now off the table.

And keep your kids away from Rock Town Hall today, will ya?

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May 142010
 

The shameful, necessary task of catching up on my stack of 2009 Robert Pollard-associated record releases continues. Per Townsman Kpdexter‘s instructions my controls are set for Boston Spaceships‘ debut album, Brown Submarine.

Boston Spaceships, “Psyche Threat”

When news of this album first hit I was surprised that Pollard was starting a new band. After all, hadn’t he released 203 albums with Guided By Voices and another 144, since the waning days of GBV, as a solo artist? Why not continue on the solo route, I thought. If he was going to have a new band I was hoping it would be a full-blown prog-rock affair, a launching point from one aspect of his large body of work that would allow him to fully explore that side of his songwriting. Someone interesting needs to don the dashiki and tackle that beast before too long.

As it turns out, Boston Spaceships would present a streamlined take on a lot of what I liked best about GBV: the forearm-pumping rock anthems with a touch of Who Sell-Out-inspired psychedelia. A track entitled “Psyche Threat” particularly satisfies Pollard’s interest in that aspect of The Who’s sound with fast-moving chord intervals and a hint of what sounds like one of John Entwistle’s french horn parts. Quick-strummed, Diddley-esque acoustic guitar rhythms propel “Ate It Twice,” wrapping up with a little Yardbirds-style rave-up. As on the band’s later 2009 release, The Planets Are Blasted, drummer John Moen keeps spry, focused rhythms. In some ways this makes Pollard’s music sound more “normal,” but considering that he seems like he’s been trying to make a form of Classic Rock since the last few GBV albums, if not earlier, why shouldn’t the rhythms gel more consistently than they used to?

Boston Spaceships, “You Satisfy Me”

Another thing that strikes me about these Boston Spaceships albums is that Pollard’s voice doesn’t sound as if it’s running through a Radio Shack mic and cheap, ’80s digital delay, as I grew accustomed to hearing it on countless GBV releases and his first couple of solo records. Pollard doesn’t couch his voice in any new aural dressing, but his voice projects just fine without it on a poppy, straightforward song like “You Satisfy Me.” What I’d really like to hear one of these days, on one of these more-focused Pollard releases, is a lead guitar player (or other musician) who can dig in and “create his own shot,” to use a basketball analogy. The lack of a soloist is not missed on a Buzzcocks/Beulah tune like “Ready to Pop,” and Mick Ronsons aren’t falling off trees, but with all the power chording Pollard favors in his music I’d like to hear someone in his band grab the fretboard and go for the gusto more often. The album-closing “Go for the Exit,” for instance, hints at a steppin’-out guitar solo, but it’s buried. The rhythms are there, Bob, now let it rock!

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